Xeni Jardin at 4:41 pm Sat, Apr 21, 2012
ADVERTISE AT BOING BOING!
[Video Link] Maybe. It's a good contender for the next "Pardon Me." Mined from the internet by the honorable funnyhunter Robert Popper, of Friday Night Dinner and Look Around You: Season One
and The Timewaster Letters
It’s terrible, yes, but I’m starting to worry that the Rebecca Black phenomenon is creating a new genre of intentionally bad music videos.
After all, it doesn’t matter whether people love or hate the song, YouTube pays the same amount of ad revenue either way.
DEAR LORD – that was horrible!!!!!! I swear my soul hurts and my ears bleed from listening to this….. my vote for worst-music-video & worst singing indeed!
I made it 51 seconds into this video. I should have followed the 3 second rule.
The hierarchy of “so bad it’s good”-ness, from best to worst:
2. Intentionally unintentional (e.g. David Brent’s If you don’t know me by now)
“Ambiguous intent” is best considered a wildcard, subject to contextual specifics.
When it started out I thought I was back on pornhub for a minute…
The 3 second rule….she’s lucky if I make it that long!
I couldn’t watch more than a minute of this, either. Would someone sacrifice themselves, watch the whole thing and tell us what the three second rule is?
I played the whole thing but missed what the rule is. I couldn’t play it again so I went looking elsewhere. One of the commenters on Youtube, gulevesque, says:
The 3 second rule: You can only watch another girl for 3 seconds
I appreciate that she elaborates on what a rule is, for people who are new to the English language. A rule, the kind you had in school.
In spite of the visual cliches, the video has good enough production values. Watching the video is not as bad as listening to the audio track by itself would be. The whole is better than the parts, because the parts are so bad.
The bit at 1:36 struck me.
“Just stay behind the line
and within the time…frame.”
She breaks the rhyme-scheme for a grammatical point that was entirely unnecessary! Brilliant.
Bad? I think that it’s cute. A bit amateurish, but not everyone can afford a fancy production.
The three second rule is a new one to me. I’ll have to sell my wife on the idea.
I’m glad the bassist from the Seinfeld theme found work.
This…isn’t a bad song. It’s just sung really out of tune with cheesy arrangement.
I could see Klaus Nomi singing this
Oh my god. That’s brilliant. With some slightly more abstract lyrics and a more interesting arrangement… This is totally a Klaus Nomi song.
Thankfully, I read some comments first & refuse to give that video 1 single hit.
No need to encourage it.
What I found most amazing was that so many people were willing to be involved in making this video.
At first I didn’t like it,
Then I REALLY didn’t like it,
Then I REALLY REALLY didn’t like it,
Then I hated it,
Then it was OK,
Then I decided to watch all of it,
Then I regretted that decision,
Then I wanted my 3:39 back,
Now I just feel kind of pathetic.
Just like Fox News or Nicki Minaj at the Grammys…
Hey hey hey, Nicki Minaj at the grammys was a thoroughly enjoyable trainwreck.
I can’t figure out where these videos come from. The song, as corny as it is, is not amateurish. The lyrics, chords, and melody, are quite professionally written. And the production values on the video are pretty good. It’s just the woman singing that is out of place–and, FWIW, she’s not terrible, but she’s not a professional by any means. Is this a vanity video? Is that it? How is it that this woman has been cast in this video?
I’m sorry, but if you think that the lyrics, chords and melody are professional, than you need to listen to something other than Justin Beiber and all the other commercial garbage.
Last I checked, Justin Bieber (or whoever writes his music) was a professional musician. So is all that “other commerical garbage” you refer to. So, if you agree that her music is comparable to that standard–and that’s basically the exact point I was making–then you agree that her music is professionally written.
I accept your apology.
if you ever get to spend time in an upmarket recording studio you start to realise the whole industry is supported by vanity projects like this. People who have disposable income and a secret hankering for stardom. The recording engineers nightmare and mortgage payer. These days anyone with the knowledge can do it from home but most people of her age bracket still pay and are the last of their kind I would think.
I thoroughly agree with all the points you made in this thread. There’s some serious production and musicanship going on in this video, just not by the singer herself.
And as you said, Justin Bieber is most definitely a highly skilled professional musician. Whether or not someone likes him or the whole industry he represents is another matter, but he’s *definitely* professional and highly skilled.
Here he is when he’s like 12 for example, a full on prodigy:
Again I’m not saying he, or the music in this woman’s video, are to my taste, but that doesn’t mean they’re not very competent.
The lyrics, chords, and melody, are quite professionally written.
As evidence to the contrary, I submit:
Rules mean you only look but you cannot touch.
Anything more would leave it to chance too much.
Gyaaah. That’s a song-poem level of rhyme contortion there.
I am more troubled by the double standard she’s presenting. She totally looks at some of those guys for more than three seconds.
Okay. I’ll grant you that.
All I’m trying to say is that this has a level of polish that I associate with, shall we say, radio music. You may or may not like that style of music, but I don’t think you can deny that creating it is a skill. And I can’t figure out who, who has that skill, is working on music of this caliber.
1:27 was all I could take.
Made it to 1:40. It’s definitely worse than Pardon Me.
tl;dr version of lyrics : “I own you, bitch.”
It gets much worse: http://www.reverbnation.com/lisagailallred
“Your Easy on the Eyes” (sic) is quite remarkable.
I’m willing to bet anything this is Dennis Dugan’s first video and that chick is Adam Sandler testing the latest make-up technologies for Jack and Jill 2.
Annnnd with that thought now firmly planted in everyone’s mind,on the count of 3,we all projectile vomit.
Yeah, this is the new Rebecca Black http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__HeE6NWmDE&feature=youtu.be
I swear who ever is doing the final mixing on all these songs has to either be paid exceptionally well or have one of the most depressing jobs ever.
This certainly warrants the question “why does this exist?”
Why does anything exist?
To fill up the hole that would be there otherwise.
Because out of polite niceness when she sang or showed that song to people they told her it was a “great song” even though it wasn’t. She believed them, and probably ignored the few folks who told her the truth, thinking they were jealous because the song was so “awesome.” A few months later you get this.
I would say paid exceptionally well by her husband or “boyfriend”. But I laughed so hard. Now that stupid lyric is an ear worm that will keep me awake…”three second rule like you learned in school”. Creepy and cheesey on so many levels. But it was supposed to be sexy and exhibiting some talent. Bottom line:sad.
Why couldn’t she have paid for it herself?
Yes, she could have.
I’d say she’s paying for it right now.
I never thought I ‘d find myself wishing for auto-tune.
Well, I think she might break the poor computer that does it.
YES!! That is exactly what I was going to say. I’m totally going to google an autotune app…
I kept wondering when Herman Cain was going to show up.
. . . on a bluff . . . Lion King style!
You skippers that couldn’t stomach the whole thing at least owe it to yourself to check out the unique harmonies at about 2:30. Singing like that doesn’t grow on trees.
Up to that point I thought that this was an honest if misguided attempted at a serious recording. But those harmonies – wow.
Even my dogs wouldn’t howl along with it.
This video just gave me a 3 second stool. You’re teeeaaring me apaaaaart Lisaaa!
Aw, let her live the dream for a few minutes. It’s not Carnegie Hall, it’s not the Smithsonian, it’s the Internet.
You guys are grinches.
Let her try her dream while it’s still possible. In ten years the Internet is going to be as gate-keepered as network television and you’re going to be nostalgic for the day when people could post any crazy, ill-advised thing they wanted.
I did’t get the point of the song, I couldn’t listen for 3 seconds. Is that why it is called the 3 second rule? Could someone who is tone deaf please let me know?
I have so much to say, and it is all the sort of stuff my mother would have told me to keep to myself.
Not quite in the same league as that Shine On Me by Chris Dame Owens, which is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. In fact, I just spent twenty minutes tracking it down so I could share it with you all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDyDz8WeiM4 He's cast as a fantasy.. warrior? wizard? He seems to be battling some witches on behalf of a princess characters and there’s a bunch of stock footage of things like fireworks, mountains, and galleon looking ships exploding. Half the time he’s dressed a bit like Prince, if Prince dressed like a pirate, the other half like he’s an extra in a period soap opera, complete with an unfortunate As You Wish mustache. Yes, he wears a cape. Yes, he claps his hands and spins a lot. Yes, there is always a wind machine. IT’S EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED OF AND MORE. Or, at least, everything he dreamed of, which is even more worrying.
Icy Spicy could give this gal a run for her money: http://youtu.be/Gyptl-BQNBk
I’m just going to leave this here to see who actually watches this.
Any relation to Gloria? That might explain it.
*Wimpering* Gone… gone. My 3:39 minutes are gone, and I cannot have them back.
Having grown up with MTV appearing on cable I can certainly say this is not the worst video. Visually, a cheesy music video. For someone that is likely unsigned the singing seemed to mildly ok to a bad day at karaoke. I have sadly, sit in Country and Western Bars in West Texas and heard equal or worse.. of course my attraction there was not the “band” but the females that came there. I’m certain in person Lisa Gail seems more impressive if she performs. Koi Pham, did a good job with what he had to work with.
As for youtube phenomenon, this is also not the worst I have ever seen. I do appreciate the fact it was posted so people could respond with worse. Rebecca Black certainly is worse although I saw a response video that had her voice sped up making in more tolerable.
I remember in the early 90s when CD burners for PC became available, a girl my brother knew made a CD and it was pretty bad. Just comes with cheaper technology.
I couldn’t make it past two seconds. I heard the beat and saw cowboy hats and “NNNNope!!!” >click<
Now I wanna hear her cover the Shaggs.
It’s like that recurring dream where I’ve suddenly returned to high school (except beards were prohibited).
Nope. just bad in the way America has become bad. It’s George W. Bush bad. It’s “I’m glad I wasn’t born here” bad. It’s “My passport doesn’t say USA” bad.
This might just actually be an ad. for a singles service like match.com – since she puts her cellphone number at the end of the video!
214 731 0383….???
Xeni, please consider:
Is it wrong that I quickly became fixated on how horrible I think the “three second rule” is? I know the video is tongue in cheek but many of the ideas certainly aren’t. I like that my s/o and I encourage each other to flirt (or more) with other people. It saddens me to see people so insecure about themselves or their relationships that their partner _looking_ at someone is a concern.
I find myself actually wishing that it would be a requirement to have some kind of a state-issued license in order to make music videos.
Weeping Jesus on the Cross! That was terrifyingly bad.
I think we should all let Christian Tea Party Republican Baby Boomer Hockey Mom with cougar aspirations have her fun.
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