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Pizza Hut introduces a food-like pizza ringed with fractal cheeseburgers

Cory Doctorow at 5:00 pm Tue, Apr 24, 2012

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Pizza Hut Middle East is pushing the envelope of edibility with their "royal" Crown Crust Pizza, which is a kind of hub-and-spoke bread-thing with cheeseburgers or chicken-cheeseburgers studded around a central, pizza-like wheel. A pair of suitably horrific TV ads round out the chimeric, what-hath-man-wrought motif.

Crown Crust Pizzas Add Cheeseburger & Chicken Fillet Gems to Crust (via Geekologie)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE:  Food • middle east • not food • youtube

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  • http://twitter.com/Fornicus Fornicus

    These are fractals how?

    • Charlie B

       if you look closely, each cheeseburger contains a tiny crown crust pizza.

  • Mantissa128

    When the cheese-stuffed crust came out, they said it would be years before they found a new place to put cheese. That day has come, and I am glad. Rejoice!

  • emo hex

    End of the world’s near, so eat up!

  • http://avarana.blogspot.com MarlboroTestMonkey7

    Made me one with everything

  • speno

    I’m impressed that someone thought this was worth trying.

  • Antinous / Moderator

    We had a patient who owned a pizza place.  His family brought us special pizzas every day that were about two inches deep and filled with every imaginable kind of meats and cheeses.  Life has seemed a little pale since then.

    • ymendel

      I don’t know what you do for a living, but based on this comment alone I’m going to guess it’s in the cardiology field.

    • Paul Renault

       When I was still living in Montreal, there was an Italian deli about a block away.  They made a ‘kitchen sink’ pizza with tomatoes/paste, onions, and the chopped-up butt ends of all the deli meats.   Two bucks for a square and your lunch was taken care of.

      • http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael

        Meat-ends FTW!

        • http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael

           Meat-ends FTW (again)!

      • Noah Saber-Freedman

        i live in montreal and where is this?! sounds suspiciously like a pendeli’s creation.

        • Paul Renault

           NDG Patisserie, 515 Provost, in (formerly) Lachine.
          I haven’t been in years, but according to Streetview, it’s still there.

  • coop

    Personally, I find basic Pizza Hut products to be well beyond the “envelope of edibility”. This just makes me want to hurl.

  • http://evilbobdayjob.blogspot.com/ Deidzoeb

    I appreciate how they’ve dubbed it with the voice of John Belushi from the old SNL Cheeseburga, Cheeseburga sketches.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=605790351 Ryan Holmes

    Isnt it about time we had the Rapture or something? 

  • OriGuy

    Appropriate that they call it “Royal”. It looks like something that would be served to Henry VIII.

    • Wreckrob8

      Cheese was (and still is) for the peasants!

    • http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael

       Well they couldn’t call it a “quarter-pounder-with-cheese pizza”, could they?

  • timquinn

    Next stop . . . Chaos!

  • http://www.aarongilliland.com/ Aaron Gilliland

    Saucy Sierpinski Taco Triangle Deep Dish Pizza Placenta.

  • jimh

    If these are what they look like in the ADS, I’m not even tempted to find out what they’ll look like when you order one…

  • vrplumber

    So I guess the next step would be replacing the burgers in the crust with a ring of tiny pizzas, and each of the tiny pizzas could have a tiny cheese stuffed crust.

    • PinkWithIndignation

      And there would be a smaller pizza inside each of the pizzas. Recursive!

      • Mantissa128

        “Yes, I’d like a recursive Crown Carnival to depth level 6, and umm… Lyapunov exponent 1.2, with extra eigenvectors. Oh! And extra cheese.”

  • BarBarSeven

    Pizza with fractal cheeseburgers, I know, I know, it’s serious.

  • ackpht

    Does that come with a side of Mandelbread?

    • Diogenes

       Now that was pretty darn clever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/geoffrey.m.arnold Geoff Arnold

    This is very similar to some of the Pizza Hut products in China. I’ve eaten stuff that resembles those pictures (including some with a ring of shrimps) in Shenzhen and Xi’an.

    Of course in China, Pizza Hut is an up-market restaurant….

    • digi_owl

      Demolition man, anyone?

  • Cowicide

    I have to admit it does almost look food-like.

  • BookGuy

    That’s all well and good, but if I can’t order one completely smothered in rich, creamery butter, then they can go to hell.

  • oasisob1

    Don’t forget to check out the Romanian Crown Crust pizza, with spreadable cheese:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMo-sUZ62fg

  • Terranex

    I want to put one of these inside of me.

  • Hanglyman

    And I thought Japanese pizzas were weird, with their squid ink, mayonnaise, potato slices and sweet corn…

    • digi_owl

      Sounds like something a ninja turtle would order.

  • MelSkunk

    And for those days when you can’t decide AYAM or KEJU*, Pizza Hut Indonesia has your back with THEIR Crown Crust

    http://youtu.be/DqwkSw7JL7U

    For some reason I’ve always found international commercials of familiar restaurants fascinating. Spent a happy afternoon Googling Filipino McDonalds commercials once. 

    *chicken or cheese

  • LinkMan

    Cheeseburgers?  Now that’s what I call a pizza!

    Life imitates art imitates life.  (apologies to those ex-USA who don’t know how to spoof a US IP)

  • http://avarana.blogspot.com MarlboroTestMonkey7

    Next iteration will include an outer soda ring.  Then we will all implode.

    • http://twitter.com/selfish selfish

      MadTV to the rescue! 

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPxOxfOLUyk

  • zombiebob

    great, like we aren’t already a bunch of fat fucks. that said, if the cheeseburger had cheddar and not american “cheese”, I’d eat that evil sexy yummy crap

    • Diogenes

      Ride your bike to and fro and you’ll burn it off.

      • dragonfrog

        *Only applies if you live at the summit of a Rocky Mountain, and your bike is a steel-framed single-speed cruiser.

        • Diogenes

          Naw, pedal hard and you burn like crazy. Besides, the world looks nicer from a bike.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/stefan_e_jones/ Stefan Jones

    I can think of no better occasion to say:

    “What the . . . I can’t even . . .”

    These horrors are the pizza equivalent of those gelatin mold “salads” that contain sliced cucumbers, chunks of fish, cheese and cherry tomatoes.

  • theophrastvs

    Ignignokt: Tell me.. Were there Weenie Wraps?
    Meatwad: Microwavable, but Weenie Wraps none-the-less.
    Ignignokt: Weenie Wraps intrigue me.
    Meatwad: Yep. And they have Burger Drops-
    Master Shake: Burger Drops?!
    Meatwad: -and burrito cakes-
    Master Shake: I thought they stopped making those.
    Meatwad: -and pizza balls
    Master Shake: Pizza balls?!
    Ignignokt: Were there Lil’ Turkey Muffins?
    Meatwad: They have Lil, regular and mega.

    ((nutz… it’s either individual paragraphs or the font from satan’s underwear drawer))

  • niktemadur

    First, when you can’t decide between pizza and a hot dog.
    Very soon after, when you can’t decide between pizza and a burger.

    This ain’t fractal, this is spiral.  Spiral downwards…

  • atimoshenko

    Can we stuff hotdogs into the crust around the cheeseburgers? That spot looking a little too barren of meat-product right now.

  • Daemonworks

    Stop screwing with pizza crusts – it’s already the best part of most pizzas.

  • penguinchris

    I’ll have a Royal with Cheese(burger)

  • Nash Rambler

    I think I’ma gonna be sick.

  • mudpup

    Where is the BACON!

    • http://twitter.com/ErnestValdemar Ernest Valdemar

       Dude, this is Pizza Hut Middle East. The closest bacon is in Greece.

      • Diogenes

         Okay, then make it lamb jerky!

  • Diogenes

    Put that on the table in front of a bunch of college kids at 11 p.m. and it will disappear faster than a balloon at a porcupine’s birthday party.

    • http://twitter.com/incarnedine_v Dan Hibiki

       you put a porcupine in front of a bunch of collage kids at 11 p.m. and it will disappear too.

      • Diogenes

        Only if it’s been dead long enough to pass for Spam on toothpicks.

  • rtresco

    This made my day – funny Boing Boing comment threads are the best on the internet. There needs to be a way to Like a thread in general, and those with the most likes can be read somewhere…FOREVER.

  • TheMudshark

    Those are so royal, I can just picture the Queen of England sinking her 3rd teeth into one of these suckers. Nevertheless, “royal” doesn´t do it for me anymore, since I, as a truly discerning customer, don´t go for anything less than “premium”.