"I firmly believe that the crucifixion is not something you can do to yourself simply because you do not have enough hands." Glorious. Thanks Noah!

17 Responses to “Sh*t my students write”

  1. Toby Graves says:

    Hmm…I detect a challenge…

  2. Excellent. I think Neil said something like that in The Young Ones – “You can never hammer in the last nail.”

  3. sigdrifa says:

    Looked at some of the other stuff quoted on the blog. This would be really funny if it wasn’t so sad.

  4. sigdrifa says:

    Here’s a good one… “I believe that life begins at contraception.”

  5. Ipo says:

    “Contact with H2O
    first aid for contact with H2O: flush eyes with water, rinse skin with water, if ingested, get medical help.” 

    Rinse, repeat.

  6. Charles Richter says:

    I once had a student who turned in a paper all about the philosopher Dick Hart.  He blathered on vaguely for a few pages about Hart, and I was baffled by what he was talking about, because no such person existed in the curriculum, or to my knowledge.  Finally–and I am not making this up–he included Hart’s most famous quotation:

    “I think, therefore I am.”

    • I worked in a bookstore in a college town. I led some young ladies to the Shakespeare section where one remarked, “I like Shakespear and all, except for all the cliches.” 

  7. RJ says:

    Most of those snippets wouldn’t be out of place in certain online forums. They have that same wobbly, fledgling discourse and shaky grip on the ideas behind it.

    (I’m not saying those students are dim. Their statements are just examples of the learning process. But it’s still entertaining to see.)

  8. Steve Collins says:

    I feel like Ellen the Generous would be proud of the moniker.

  9. Ben Freund says:

    I feel pretty dim for not getting this. What context makes this a malapropism as opposed to a statement of fact?

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