Toxic cloud of Axe Body Spray triggers fire alarm in high school locker room

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48 Responses to “Toxic cloud of Axe Body Spray triggers fire alarm in high school locker room”

  1. I’m surprised the smoke alarms near every branch of Abercrombie and Fitch don’t go off every 10 minutes.

    • Cowicide says:

      I’m very rarely in a Mall, but when I am and I see an Abercrombie and Stench coming ahead, I tend to divert and go to the other side of the walkway.

  2. dustbuster7000 says:

    Staged as a Axe promotion, no doubt.

  3. planettom says:

    A battalion of  sexy female firefighters showed up, and immediately went into pon farr.

  4. Chuck says:

    Actually, fire alarms these days are made to detect especially strong instances of the Axe Effect.  And it’s probably a good thing the alarm went off, otherwise the kid could have gotten crushed under the converging stampede of girls that would have rushed in to mob him.

  5. EH says:

    Of course it’s not the fault of their shitty fire alarm.

    • fuzzyfuzzyfungus says:

      Being set off by sufficiently dense clouds of airborne particles is sort of a design requirement for smoke detectors…

      Ionization type detectors are more sensitive to smaller particles, and tend to reject the slightly larger aerosol clouds a bit better, while optical can be a trifle touchy; but it’s a pretty normal sensor response.

      • Bearpaw01 says:

        Right, it’s not a bug, it’s a feature. Maybe we could tie each detector into nearby sprinkler heads, so whenever some kid over-does the Axe, he gets automatically hosed down as he walks by.

    • retchdog says:

      i had a roommate who would come home at 1am and regularly either fry sardines (!) or boil corn. on more than one occasion, he’d forget about either and i’ve been woken up not by the lackadaisical smoke alarm, but by the smoke itself.

      a week later, i am reheating some pizza in the oven and the smoke alarm goes off for no apparent reason. i can only guess that some additives in the cardboard pizza box were sublimating and were just the right size to trigger the alarm.

      • penguinchris says:

        You were reheating pizza in the oven… while still in the cardboard box?

        • Antinous / Moderator says:

          That’s pretty normal if you have an oven with a ‘warm’ setting.

          • penguinchris says:

            I guess that makes sense, it just doesn’t seem like it’d be the best way. I guess it’s easier and less messy than using a pan though.

            The 70′s or 80′s oven in my parents’ house has a microwave built in. Theoretically I think you can run the microwave while the regular oven elements are on too, shortening the cooking time. You have to engage a latch that creates a seal, but I bet it leaks like crazy anyway.

            I have tried it to reheat pizza once, but even though I was using the microwave I still didn’t leave the pizza in the box ;)

        • retchdog says:

          yeah, i was a grad student with no baking sheet and i didn’t want the cheese to drip onto the oven. nowadays i’m still a grad student with no baking sheet, but i’d just let it drip.

          as the microwave goes: contrary to popular belief, the microwaves generated by a microwave oven are actually pretty wide (4.8″ wavelength) and don’t leak much. the latch is mostly for security and to make you think twice about opening the oven while the magnetron is on. that design was pretty popular, but i imagine there would be problems with hot spots if there isn’t a turntable.

  6. It sure is fashionable to hate on Axe, isn’t it?

    Not saying it’s a guaranteed olfactory delight, but you do know it comes in many, many aromas, right? Are we dismissing them all as horrid, having sampled each one ourselves, or just assuming they’re gross due to prejudices concerning the brand?

    •  I’ve smelled several, and they were all bad. I see no reason to believe that the people who make it could have thought marketing those vile stinks was a good idea is highly unlikely to have hit upon something not-gross by accident.

    • paddle2paddle says:

      As a teacher who spends plenty of time in high schools and junior high schools, I can say without equivocation that yes, all Axe is putrid.

    • SedanChair says:

      I might be better equipped to appreciate each aroma’s unique bouquet if the people who use it would take their finger off the freaking button after five seconds

    • joeposts says:

      It’s also not our fault if their marketing poisons their brand. It might not matter what they produce. If AXE put out bottled water, some of us would die of thirst the negative reaction is so strong. Water? Blech! Reminds me of AXE!

      Maybe there’s some AXE social media analyst reading the above comments and thinking “Hey, at least people are talking about us!” What Bill Hicks said

    • Cowicide says:

      It sure is fashionable to hate on rotten eggs, isn’t it?

  7. SoItBegins says:

    Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

  8. GeekMan says:

    As loathe as I am to defend them, Axe doesn’t smell particularly awful. Rather, it’s the men who follow the advertisements by example and pile on the bloody stuff.

    But that goes for any fragrance. As someone who takes transit to work, there’s nothing worse that someone who doesn’t realize that a small little squirt of their cologne or perfume is all they need to add some scent. Over-application triggers my acid reflux, inflames my sinuses, and gives me a headache. By the time I get to the office, I’m in a foul mood.

    Use some restraint on the scents!

    • Smash Martian says:

       +1.
      It’s a cologne/scent/body-spray, not a marinade.

    • zarray says:

      The Tommy Hilfiger cologne gives me a headache upon smelling it.

    • Donald Petersen says:

      I haven’t sniffed a teenager in a couple of decades, so I don’t have any idea what Axe smells like in any of its flavors.  But it seems to me that an overabundance of the stuff (encouraged by the idea that if the dudes in the commercials get mobbed by girls after a brief-ish spritz, a heapin’ nostril-load might enhance the effect), coupled with a hormonally-amped-up teenager’s usual funk, and a mindset that might believe that a quick fogging of Axe can take the place of a long-overdue shower, could conceivably lead to a popular consensus that Axe smells much, much worse than it actually does.

      • retchdog says:

        no, i find b.o. mostly tolerable. it’s unpleasant, but the degree of unpleasantness increases roughly linearly; the only people who, without artificial fragrance, smell too terrible for me to tolerate are european mathematicians (and i am NOT kidding…).

        by contrast, some of these new fragrances feel like a spike being driven into my sinuses, at any level above “barely any.” of course, it’s not just axe, and some varieties of axe are fine.

    • SoItBegins says:

      That makes scents.

  9. ahecht says:

    Keanu said it best:

  10. Daemonworks says:

    Their Dark Temptation scent actually gets fairly positive reviews from the ladies I know.
    The other scents, not so much.

    • penguinchris says:

      But how/why do you know this? Have you tried them all and asked the ladies you know? Genuinely curious.

  11. Ry4an says:

    I thought it had been fully accepted that Axe was an airborne prophylactic.  The parents of teenagers fund the ads to avoid having to fund grandchildren. 

  12. RJ says:

    There’s an old rule of thumb women use with makeup: if people can tell you’re wearing makeup, then you’ve applied it incorrectly.

    The same thing applies to men and cologne. If it’s obvious that you’re wearing cologne, then you need to dial back the intensity on the paint sprayer, Guido. Nobody wants to hang around a guy who stinks like a leaky Zippo lighter wrapped in scented toilet paper.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      There’s an old rule of thumb women use with makeup: if people can tell you’re wearing makeup, then you’ve applied it incorrectly.

      Well, drag queens definitely work out of a different rule book.

      • Projectile Grommeting says:

        Oh yeah, Max Schwarts’ “Builder’s Guide to Stucco, Lath & Plaster”. I have that. My companion CD-ROM was missing though.

  13. srose278 says:

    Hmm.. I’m of the camp where Axe doesn’t smell bad in small doses, but strong waves of it can knock you back a step. I was delivering gradesheets to all the departments on my campus, and when I stepped onto a floor that housed a particular department, there was a sudden rush of the scent of Axe. Also, a lot of fitted, backwards baseball caps in one of the classrooms I peeked into.

  14. Phil Fot says:

    Put a cutesy cartoon and stupid text that implies it’ll get you laid on a bottle of vinegar and idiot teens and 20-somethings will wear it.

  15. LOL WAT A DOOSH HU WARES AX?!!?1?!? :o) <3 <3 <#

    (((A friend of mine who didn't know me very well bought me an Axe gift pack for Christmas one year. I was a little put-off by it. I mean… it was Axe. In a gift box. Not only is a fragrance gift box always an insulting gift ("I spent all of 5 seconds puling this off a gift display at the grocery store because I felt obligated to buy you something,") but, good god, she thought I wanted Axe… but it smelled good, and I've been using Axe ever since. I have only ever liked two of the umpteen scents Axe has tried. The rest are shockingly gross, but those two I really like, and I will note that I only tap the sprayer for half a second. People have made fun of me for falling for the advertising, but it's not true! My first was a gift and before that I had made fun of the stuff for the advertising (and still do), but most of all, I'm a faggot :O …I have no expectation or hope that I will be swarmed with girls. …or guys. I just like the way it smells.)))

    • penguinchris says:

      Which scents are the ones you like? I’m genuinely curious because last summer I got interested in colognes. I tried dozens in high-end department stores over a period of a few weeks before finding one I really liked, “Issey Miyake L’Eau d’Issey” (I then ordered it on Amazon for 2/3 the department store price ). 

      It’s not very masculine (rather floral and citrusy) but you wouldn’t confuse it with women’s perfume – this fits my personality very well and anyway is quite pleasant to smell.

      The key to all the decent quality colognes (and perfumes) is complexity and sophistication, as much as that can be represented by such a thing. This is the problem with Axe and other cheap stuff – it’s too strong, and very simple and uninteresting. There’s no subtlety – even if you only use a little bit.

      But – obviously that’s a matter of taste. For an easy analogy, it’s just like cheap beer or liquor compared to high-end stuff.

      Most importantly – if you are just wearing it for yourself, and you like it, that’s great – that’s really the only reason I use cologne too (though it gets rave reviews from the sophisticated ladies I know if they notice it ;) and I only bother to put it on a few times a month, when the mood strikes.

      But – as I said – I’d like to know which ones you like. I’ll see if I can find them in a store to try it. I’d then also urge you to go to a department store and try some good ones – and not just the highly-marketed ones that you know the brand name of. I suspect once you get a taste of the subtlety and sophistication available, you won’t like your Axe as much any more. And for the record I don’t think the good stuff is going to cost you more money than Axe; it’s more expensive up front but will last a lot longer.

      • Donald Petersen says:

        I gave up on cologne and such a long time ago.  The last stuff I used was Old Spice, in very, very minimal amounts, but I don’t have a remotely sophisticated nose, so I really wouldn’t know what smells good to other people.

        I have recently taken to using Va-Va-Vanilla flavor Secret deodorant, however, and I’m not too butch to admit it.  “Strong enough for a man…” etc., and personally I rather like smelling like a vanilla cupcake all day, at least compared to smelling like a muskrat.

        • Antinous / Moderator says:

          Just bathe regularly and let the chips fall where they may. It is not a turn on when a gentleman smells like a urinal mint or a compost heap or a hot glass of Hawaiian Punch.

          • Donald Petersen says:

            I dunno.  “Hot Hawaiian Punch” happens to be a pretty appealing scent to my admittedly broken olfactory sensors.

            I also like the smell of Techron, night-blooming jasmine, fairly-distant skunk, horsehide leather, and the variety of “old-car smell” commonly found in the Ford section of the Sun Valley U-Pick Parts, though I don’t think I’d consider most of those smells turn-ons as such.

            A former girlfriend used to find me most irresistible after a sweaty Saturday afternoon spent changing the brakes on my car.  The relationship eventually ended, possibly due in part to the fact that the last thing I wanted to do when covered in greasy sweat and brake fluid was cuddle up against someone I loved.  Color me fastidious that way.

          • Antinous / Moderator says:

            I had a friend who really liked guys who smelled like gasoline. I think he had a good experience in a gas station once.

          • Antinous / Moderator says:

            I had a friend who really liked guys who smelled like gasoline. I think he had a good experience in a gas station once.

      •  My partner wears Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue for Men. (We are not ordinarily cologne people, nor are we big spenders.) It’s a light scent that seems to accentuate his already-good smell, rather than disguising or replacing.

  16. Cowicide says:

    The fire alarm worked appropriately if you ask me.  I just wish they had one that would open up a trap door and the offender would fall into a pit of alligators (who lack a sense of smell).

  17. pthree says:

    For as funny as this is, I think there is a problem with over-sensitive fire alarms, especially in a place like a school. All the fire alarms at my university are like this. Deodorant, fake tan etc all instantly sets off the fire alarm (even in the dorms), it’s bloody annoying and the net effect is that nobody pays attention to the fire alarms any more.

    • eviladrian says:

       The alarms in my college dorm could be set off by heavy rain, several times the evacuation tone would sound on  a rainy night and we’d have to go and assemble in the parking lot in the pouring rain.

  18. TheMudshark says:

    Sometimes it´s hard to tell by the smell if it was a group of mid-aged ladies with chihuahuas in their purses or teenage boys with popped collars that just walked by.

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