Jagged anti-boner ring

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63 Responses to “Jagged anti-boner ring”

  1. Drabula says:

    I’m wearing one now!

  2. Jack Holmes says:

    Brb, just holding my crotch in agony forever

  3. Dave P says:

    This + viagra = somebody’s idea of a good time

  4. brerrabbit23 says:

    Beschizza hax Doctorow’s log/pass.

  5. Wreckrob8 says:

    Prevents blindness too?

  6. lexasaurus says:

    This reminds me of a joke from Kids in the Hall:  Space aliens are complaining about the futility of abducting humans for research.  One says, “Look, we’ve been taking them and giving them anal probes for decades now, and all we’ve found out is that about ten percent of them like it.”  

    I bet that’s true of this device, too. 

  7. davidmang says:

    There’s an entire exhibit of things like this at the Sex Machine Museum in Prague. It’s really interesting, in that “Holy shit who thought this was okay” kind of way.

  8. Ashley Yakeley says:

    Apparently control of penises is necessary for someone’s idea of civilisation.

  9. Dlo Burns says:

    Onan used the rhythm method because he didn’t want to make any kids with his dead brother’s wife. People using that passage against masturbation piss me off.

    • Kimmo says:

      People who imagine anything in a 2000yo book can be so abidingly relevant piss me off.

    • Online Etymology Dictionary says “onanism” has meant masturbation since at least 1727. ( http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=onanism ) I just wanted to make sure you’re pissed off enough to match the 285 years of misuse.

    • Beanolini says:

      Onan used the rhythm method

      No, he used coitus interruptus, hence “spilt his seed on the ground”. But yes, definitely not masturbation.

      I was under the impression that the ‘involuntary loss of semen’ these were intended to prevent was nocturnal emissions- it should be worn during sleep, and on any hint of arousal you’d wake up in agony (and presumably rapidly lose turgidity). Can’t see how it would be much use against masturbation, if it could just be removed…

      • LinkMan says:

         Perhaps screwdrivers were harder to come by in those days?

      • angusm says:

        Correct, Onan used withdrawal. (Incidentally, Dorothy Parker named her pet canary Onan, because he spilled his seed upon the ground).

        As it happens, Onan’s sin was neither masturbation nor withdrawal, but simple disobedience and selfishness. He’d been told by his father to get his dead brother’s wife pregnant, to preserve the family line. Onan was happy enough to make it with his sister-in-law, but because the children of the union wouldn’t be his, he made sure not to get her knocked up. God, who took a personal interest in the case, then smote him for being a sneaky little bastard who wouldn’t do what he was told.

        The idea that ‘loss of semen’ weakens men is still prevalent in some parts of the world today, although I don’t know if anyone still uses sadomasochistic cock-rings as a countermeasure against voluntary or involuntary loss.

      • zarray says:

        Right, that one.

        At least he was a gentleman and spilled his seed on the ground instead of her muff.

  10. Frederik says:

    Explains why the germans go to war so much ;-)

    • ffabian says:

      A scientific look at the connection between the supression of sexuality and violence might be interesting. Could also possibly explain US foreign politics in the last 60 years.

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        I don’t know. LBJ couldn’t keep his dick in his pants for 20 minutes and he escalated the war in Vietnam.

      • Ed Kaplan says:

        I think there are a number of historical studies of that kind of connection. More broadly, the idea of people in power using the law to shape societal norms about sex is the theme of Michel Foucault’s works on sexuality (and also manipulating the definition of madness to suit their needs in Discipline and Punish). I’m sure someone has directly applied this to the Nazis as well. So, it may not be a scientific approach, but I bet it has been approached academically.

        • Preston Sturges says:

          I would steer you towards Wilhelm Reich’s “The Mass Psychology of Fascism” which explains Nazisms roots as the brutally misogynistic and repressed  patriarchal rural German culture worked into sexual hysteria by the encroachment of the industrial revolution.  Also, the 1935 Nuremberg Laws were one of the few laws implemented by the Nazis, and it was all about sex. 

      •  George Orwell did speculate about that in 1984. Ingsoc’s fanaticism was nothing but sour sex.

        • Preston Sturges says:

          “We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. There will be no love, except the love of Big Brother. There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a defeated enemy. There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are omnipotent there will be no need of science. There will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always — do not forget this Winston — always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever.”
          -George Orwell 1984

  11. SoItBegins says:

    Certain visceral parts of my body are going ‘Ew’.

  12. Donald Petersen says:

    I appreciate its adjustability (note set screw at 11:00).  That’s just good Teutonic engineering, that is.

  13. Kimmo says:

    Tell you what, I’m rather glad I live in a place and time where jagged anti-boner rings aren’t regarded as a good idea.

    Although, I bet a Maker somewhere is responding to this article in exemplary Happy Mutant style…

  14. snagglepuss says:

    Rick Santorum has just placed an order for 10 million of them, to be passed out at YMCA’s and Boy Scout camps – With refusal to comply leading directly to a prison sentence. It’s his way of “stimulating the economy”.

    • kP says:

      Economizing on stimulation?

    • jamsie says:

       Oh for gosh sakes!  Don’t even mention that mans name in connection with something like this.  He’d take something like that seriously and make his sons and all male staffers  use  it. He would consider  that device totally in the realm of how things are SUPPOSED  to be. 

      • snagglepuss says:

         For that matter – Santorum would also probably require all prisoners to wear one 24/7 as well. The man IS an agent of self-fulfilling prophecy, after all…

      • snagglepuss says:

         For that matter – Santorum would also probably require all prisoners to wear one 24/7 as well. The man IS an agent of self-fulfilling prophecy, after all…

  15. jimh says:

    Autsch!

  16. Preston Sturges says:

    Masturbation was believed to be extremely dangerous, leading inevitably to “neurasthenia” and “spinal irritation” and even madness or death. It was considered much more normal to go to prosititutes and risk catching syphilis, which was a super lethal but slow death.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Masturbation was believed to be extremely dangerous, leading inevitably to “neurasthenia” and “spinal irritation” and even madness or death.

      Oops. That would explain a lot.

    • jimh says:

       Everything leads to death, after all! I’m living proof that this doesn’t lead there very quickly, but I may be mad. And my spine is somewhat irritated…

    • Stefan Jones says:

       And here I thought the sciatica was due to a squashed disc.

    • SamSam says:

      Well, it’s certainly true that 88% of all humans that ever masturbated are now dead…

  17.  http://sfcitizen.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/how-about-no-bear.jpg

  18. simonbarsinister says:

     Damn I hope that parses as ((dead brother)’s wife) and not (dead (brother’s wife))

  19. voiceinthedistance says:

    It appears to be improperly secured with that thumb, er, penis screw.  A 1″ long wood screw would do a much better job of keeping it fastened.  I suppose, in this particular application, it might more properly be called a woodie screw.

  20. anharmyenone says:

    Today’s equivalent is called a “Kali’s teeth bracelet” and can be purchased from many outlets.

  21. It’s kind of genius, and I’m wondering how much damage this might actually do to a penis. If it works well it would never break the skin, right? Sometimes an erection is unwelcome. What man wouldn’t have loved to have one of these between the ages of 12 and 16? (to use at his own discretion, of course)

    • Nell Anvoid says:

      Don’t know if a guy would have “loved” to have it….but its a sure bet that many of us would have needed it.

    • cdh1971 says:

      The middle school I went to in Eugene, OR, in 1982 had a strict and often repeated policy reminding boys that erections visible through the clothing carried the punishment of a two-day in-school  suspension and one Saturday school. The vice-principal Karen Emmert came up with this one.  

      There were always five or six boys in detention because of this…and I doubt they had any ‘visible erection though clothes.’ 

      This is the same school where the principal, Cecil Krebs had the doors taken off the toilet stalls in the boy’s restroom and explained over the P.A. that this was because he ‘knew what you boys do in there.’

  22. Ian Wood says:

    Those things don’t work at all.

  23. Ladyfingers says:

    Anti-masturbation lunatics of the era also recommended circumcision, which mainstreamed and hasn’t died out in America yet.

  24. Vanwall Green says:

    I can’t help but think these kinds of devices and their kin are actually valued quite a lot by some people, exactly for the pain they inflict. Every one-eyed jack has two sides.

  25. Jake0748 says:

    I’ll have to tell my friend, Dick Hertz about this invention.

  26. Palomino says:

    Cory, I’ve seen some of these posts of yours in the past. I also did a BB search CORY SEX and came up with a lengthy result. 

    Feeling a little frustrated? Is the really the place to toss your “significant other” a blue ball message?

  27. Extremely bad idea to wear this, as the male member will involuntarily get erected some 7 times a night.

  28. Nell Anvoid says:

    Apple just announced that they own the patent and someone is getting sued.

  29. mattoid says:

    do they do it in carbon fibre?

  30. mattoid says:

    I only get light erections.

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