Zookeeper reportedly licks baby monkey's anus for over an hour

A rather implausible report in Chinasmack (translated from the Chinese journal 163) says that a zookeeper saved a rare, born-in-captivity baby Francois Leaf Monkey from surgery by licking its anus until it passed the whole peanut it ate after a thoughtless patron tossed it to him. Reportedly, the anus-licking proceeded for over an hour.

50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng used warm water to clean a small Francois’ Leaf Monkey’s buttocks, then began using his mouth to lick it, not stopping for over an hour, until the little monkey defecated a single peanut. Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction.
As it is understood, this small Francois’ langur is only 3 months old, and is the first Francois’ Leaf Monkey to be born in nearly 10 years at this animal park. The Francois’ langur is a rare primate from Guangxi and Guizhou and is amongst the nation’s most protected animals. Because it is so precious, the zoo gave it to model worker and high-level expert Zhang Bangsheng to care for and raise.

The accompanying photo is rather ambiguous.

Zoo Caretaker Licks Monkey’s Butt To Help It Defecate (via JWZ)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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The Snowden Principle

relawson

I admire this guy’s dedication… I think.

Perhaps that’s how it works in nature?

Maybe that particular method triggers something in the monkey to know what to do?

It reminds me of this:

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”"Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.”Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”
Yacko

Forget that worst jobs competition. This guy’s the winner. Even if he is a pervert who likes it.
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  I hope he at least got a plaque for this. “Zoo Employee of the Year”
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002042736154 Ah El
  
  Before anyone makes fun of this guy, remember kopi luwak or cat-butt coffee – coffee made from coffee beans they pick out of the poop of the asian palm civet. Which sells for 400$ a pound. This guy surely got his fix for a fraction of that cost.
Matthew Elmslie

“What?! And leave show business?!”
http://twitter.com/edwin_rogers Edwin Rogers

A “don’t try this at home” or “safe for work” notice could have led this. @aucklandzoo:twitter
- IamInnocent
  
  Still, it is common practice at work…
http://www.barelyfitz.com/ BarelyFitz

This guy is lucky: you know if the monkey died it would have been pinned on all the licking.
- http://twitter.com/ericatwiley Eric Nelson
  
  This guy is *licky*. FTFY
http://www.barelyfitz.com/ BarelyFitz

O’Reilly was sitting in a bar and he goes to the bar tender

“You see that church over there? I built it with my bare hands but do they call me O’Reilly the church builder? Nooo!

You see that school over there? I taught there for 30 years but do they call me O’Reilly the educator? Nooo!

But you lick one baby monkey’s anus…
ROSSINDETROIT

Reminds me of a joke about a snakebite. Punchline: “Well, the doctor says you’re going to die”
http://imcravingpresidency.tumblr.com/ SedanChair

Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction.

Behold the current grand champion of sentences. It will remain champion until a suitable challenger appears.
babVU98i

One hour of butt licking! That monkey will be actively searching out and ingesting peanuts on a regular basis from this point on.
jameslosey

There must be an easier way to eat a Reese’s.
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=179201527 Thomas Nicol
  
  *Rhesus?
http://profiles.google.com/wordtrey Trey Muhlhauser

…The Aristocrats!
http://twitter.com/AntiBoredomTeam Dan Century

I think he did it because that’s how it works in nature. Zhang is a real trouper. I only attempt this procedure after the 2nd date.

Animal mothers, especially cats, routinely clean their offspring’s with their tongues — in fact this is why a cat will present its posterior to you — so you can lick it like mama cat did. Not kidding. Of course cats aren’t primates, but I’m pretty sure monkeys have no hang-ups when it comes to tongue-medicine.
- Ito Kagehisa
  
  Yup, newborn kittens can actually die from inability to defecate if their butts aren’t licked. We always used a wet washcloth, though, rather than our tongues, and it seemed to work fine.
  
  I would totally hire this guy as zookeeper, but I’d warn him to watch his mouth around the zoo patrons.
- http://twitter.com/cjporkchop cjporkchop
  
  I’ve always gotten the feeling that when my cats stick their butt in my face, they’re expecting me to bow down and worship it.
  
  “Yes, Master. Your anus is perfection. I am but a lowly human.”
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  Turned out the monkey was a pervert and was just faking it.
  - Antinous / Moderator
    
    A friend of mine kept trying to convince his wife that anal sex would cure his splenomegaly. She didn’t buy it.
    - t3kna2007
      
      Your friend .. Ishmael? “OK, honey, I guess I would rather you just went to sea after all.”
    - http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OAUXAA362EXWLYVMPJOKLFB5JQ Incipient Madness
      
      It would make more sense if his wife had spenomegaly and he said anal sex would cure it.
      - morkl
        
        He didn’t say who would be on the receiving end of the anal sex, did he?
      - Antinous / Moderator
        
        He was into that, too.
Judas Peckerwood

Who among us has not licked a monkey’s anus for all of the right reasons?
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  Sounds like a furry convention.
Brainspore

I know one zookeeper who isn’t going to get a kiss from his wife when he gets home tonight.
ROSSINDETROIT

If you were Ben and Jerry, your new Monkeybutt ice cream would have peanuts and… what? Bananas?
- danimagoo
  
  Chocolate too obvious?
tewsday

Is there a reason a wet washcloth would not suffice?
- Brainspore
  
  Don’t be ridiculous. How could one clear a monkey’s bowel obstruction by licking a washcloth?
Senor Schaffer

Uh…
http://www.facebook.com/HappyGobo Justin Kuhn

This reads like a trolling article totally based around having that picture.
- penguinchris
  
  China Smack is the China answer to English Russia. Both are utterly fascinating because they translate internet culture from China and Russia into readable English (trying to browse the source sites with Google Translate is an exercise in frustration at best).
  
  But if you think about all the BS that gets passed around in English internet culture, there’s just as much in China and Russia, and it’s not always as easy to tell if something is fake or even an outright joke, even if it’s well-translated.
  
  That said, I actually don’t doubt the authenticity of this particular story for some reason :)
- C W
  
  I’m fairly certain it is. They also published that story about the woman “killing a rude man by kicking him in the balls”, but aside from the headline, the story was that her companion was also smashing his head into the concrete.
  
  I wouldn’t buy their linkbait.
h4x0r

why didn’t he just try a turkey baster and squirt water on it….from afar? I mean, I’m sure monkey ass sounds like a delectable treat to some here but, I imagine there are possible sanitary/hygiene concerns to consider. Diseases? I dunno…I say if it was the monkey’s time to go…who is he to interfere with the circle of life? :-) If I was in this guy’s shoes, I’d be like “We tried everything and there’s nothing we can do. You’re looking at a dead monkey.”.
Teller

BMAL, a new category.
Navin_Johnson

And here I was using my penis all this time. I should have asked a zookeeper.
Brainspore

Gives new meaning to the phrase “This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”
http://www.disoriented.net/ angusm

Gives a new meaning to the phrase “She’s so hot, I’d eat the peanuts out of her shit.” (If you’ve never heard that expression before, please accept my apologies).
- Navin_Johnson
  
  Maybe he drank its bathwater too?
Kris Craig

Dude….
http://twitter.com/russ_dean Russell Dean Roering

He simply used the “hiney-lick manuver” to dislodge it.
- Richard Dagenais
  
  Nominated for worst pun in thread.
Kris Craig

Couldn’t he have just used a damp cue tip or wash cloth? I’m finding it very hard to believe that using his tongue was the only option available.
- twianto
  
  Well, who’s famous all over the world right now, Mr. Smarty Pants or this guy?
  
  ;-)
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  At least we finally an answer to the question, “Just how many licks does it take to get a peanut?”
ZenMonkey

Huh. I worked at a wild/exotic animal rescue and for a while was in the “baby trailer.” I’m definitely familiar with the act of stimulating genitals or anus to encourage elimination. However, we used Q-tips. It would have been an interesting day if our supervisor walked in to find us rimming baby possums.
jimh

Well what are you going to do after 45 minutes, STOP licking?
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  Maybe it forgot the safe word
- Donald Petersen
  
  Y’know, after the first dozen licks or so, I imagine it was much like licking one’s own fist. Until the peanutty flavor emerged.
bo1n6bo1n6

Sounds like it wasn’t the guys first rodeo.
Palomino

I would’ve given that anus one strong suck and that peanut would’ve shot down my throat like a pneumatic bank deposit.
- p96
  
  Nice visual.
- ocker3
  
  Leading to someone having to repeat the procedure on You??
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Melissa-M-Berliner/547975616 Melissa M. Berliner
    
    I have a strange urge to go watch Human Centipede now…
- puppybeard
  
  I dunno, you might end up with a mouthful of prolapsed monkey intestine.
http://profile.yahoo.com/HT4ZNBXG6O2VZZKYOT5O4H5RJ4 Mark

Chimpanzee that!
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  Monkey News!
awjt

Well? Did he eat the peanut?
Antinous / Moderator

Do we need a new verse?
dolo54

… and now the monkey eats peanuts all the time!
http://twitter.com/bazimmerman Brad Zimmerman

Someone get that dude a zoo-sized kit of mouth wash, breath mints, tooth paste, and fire.
http://craftbeergnome.com mkultra

You know, this doesn’t really explain why he did exactly the same thing to all the OTHER monkeys in the zoo…
autark

somebody queue up Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love”…

I definitely would not do that. There just has to be a different solution.
- http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OAUXAA362EXWLYVMPJOKLFB5JQ Incipient Madness
  
  Thanks for bringing up the Meat Loaf song. I do lots of tutoring for people taking symbolic logic and I often use that song as both an example of logical contradiction and evidence that Russell was right to say that demonstrative pronouns are logically proper names.
http://theladyfingers.blogspot.com/ Ladyfingers

How is this different from voting in a democracy?
- twianto
  
  Easy: it’s like trying to get elected in a democracy.
DevinC

I would shake this guy’s hand.

I wouldn’t congratulate him, though, because I haven’t stopped throwing up in my mouth.
http://www.facebook.com/dirk.winebarger Dirk Winebarger

you report this like you are skeptical if this really happened. There was a very disturbing film of the incident released right after it happened. There is no doubt that it happened. They even showed the expelled peanut.
- http://twitter.com/tardiskitten thisbikeisatardis
  
  link or it didn’t happen.
JontKopeck

Well done him. Out of curiosity, was there a control monkey, one who’s ass wasn’t liked out for over an hour, and if so how long did it take to shit a peanut?
- http://twitter.com/chrisjimson chris jimson
  
  I licked your comment.
smallteam

In other news: The volume of production of Kopi Luwak coffee has skyrocketed recently, sending prices of this gourmet bean plummeting. It remains unknown what change in production methods or environmental factors caused the accelerated yields.

http://boingboing.net/2011/12/05/cat-butt-coffee-a-critical-re.html
ocker3

I can’t help but think that this guy is now a legend amongst his co-workers for his dedication to his work. I’ve beat my head against high-value problems for a long time before, but This is just going above and beyond!
http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/KHUGSYMRDZ635QMFO5P6UA5MTM nunya

That guy really gets into his work…..really, really.
benher

Ghosts with shit jobs?
http://flickr.com/dbtelford dbt

“How was work today, dear?”
“Shitty.”
http://twitter.com/chrisjimson chris jimson

huh. . . no shit.
Albie Farinas

I bet that they would let him get married in North Carolina…
Kerry Meyer

The Zookeeper was just following his in stinks . . .
Kerry Meyer

Is this where “brown nose,” got it’s start?
sleepythief

I suppose once you get over the initial five minutes of licking, the following fifty-five are considerably more bearable.