Objectivist C: a selfish programming language

Objectivist C: a programming language wherein each object "must live for its own sake, neither sacrificing itself to others nor sacrificing others to itself."

@implementation HelloWorld

- (void)printHelloWorld
    NSString *hello = @"I am. I think. I will.";
    Printer *printer = [[Printer alloc] init];
    if (printer)
        [printer print:hello inExchangeForUSDollars:2.00];
        [printer release];
        // In Objectivist-C, objects are self-sufficient. 
        // Here, I implement string printing from scratch. 
        [self createTheUniverse];
        [self createStandardOutputDevice];
        [self print:hello];
// ...

An Introduction to Objectivist-C (via O'Reilly Radar)


  1. Yeah, and no “getting started” guides, just people screaming “LEARN TO FISH, MOTHERFUCKER!!” 

      1. That’s way too passive aggressive, Objectivists have perfected the art of active aggression.

  2. Also, in this implementation, you cannot create an object to hold other objects  of various types, because unions are a communist concept.

  3. Surprisingly complex i would have supposed it would just have said I’ve got mine jack  in brackets Ad infinitum

  4. Garbage collection in this language does not occur except at great expense.  It does have a lot of references to “self” however.

    1. Garbage collection interferes with the operation of the free market.  Memory is either bought or leased from it’s rightful owners.

  5. Seems prone to codebloat particularly at the end as it must explain it’s design philosophy in excruciating detail, ie hundreds of pages worth of soapboxing.

  6. It’s also damn hard to make aggregates. self.owner is always null, and self.children should be set to null as quickly as possible because they’re PARASITES.

  7. “Objectivists”, like any other religious group, believe that they have the One True world view, that only they can see things as they really are- that only they know Objective Truth.

    Its not a philosophy, its a religion based upon being a douchebag.

  8. There are no reported sightings of this, for various mysterious reasons. Either resources weren’t shared, resulting in a collapse of logic or self-sufficient instances would cease communication, other than sending out missives extolling its virtues.

    My one attempt in my misspent youth in using this ended up bricking my Commodore. In hindsight, it probably just refused to talk to me without knowing what was in it for itself.

  9. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? “No!” says the man in Cupertino.

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