Jar of American Gods


117 Responses to “Jar of American Gods”

  1. Sagodjur says:

    Actually, the American god is the whole dollar bill. 

  2. Your friend has defaced currency, compromising their structural integrity which will cause them to deteriorate and need to be replaced faster (which costs more money).

    Your friend is also a wanker who is no better than a book-burning zealot: “I don’t like this, so I will deface it to show my superiority and contempt!”


    • Navin_Johnson says:

      Your friend has defaced currency, compromising their structural integrity which will cause them to deteriorate and need to be replaced faster (which costs more money).

      Oh my GAWD!

      What ever you do, don’t read about the monsters out there that make cute little origami things out of them…there will be epic pearl clutching.

    • unclemike says:

      Well, at least you signed your post with the appropriate moniker at the end, there.


      Anyway, it’s a little more than “I don’t like this,” isn’t it? More like “My government should not be using my tax money to endorse a religious concept on money.”

      That whole “church and state, separation of” thing.  I sincerely doubt the couple hundred dollars he’s hole-punched are gonna drag down the economy much.

    • Lobster says:

      Yep, great to see another story about an angry, god-hating atheist.

      Shame it’s hard to write a story about a reasonable, amicable atheist while retaining any reason whatsoever to even mention they’re an atheist.

      • faithnomore says:

        Well, I’m a reasonable, amicable athiest (I even go to church every sunday: UU, of course), but when people get all pearl-clutchy and red in the face about *any* sort of expression of athiestic philosophy (like, you know, separation of church and state) I do tend to get a bit snippy. 

        And it’s kind of hard to hate something that doesn’t exist.

      • Kimmo says:

        Those of us who weren’t led up the garden path when being taught how to think are so tired of you defective units and your fucking malware.

        You might think it’s hard to write about a reasonable and amicable atheist, but try imagining a reasonable person who’s always the last to believe the evidence – sometimes centuries late. Or try to conjure up an amicable person who believes some folks have no right to their own sexual identity, or that everyone who thinks different is in for an eternity of torture.

        What am I saying. You do it all day, every day – cognitive dissonance is the name of your game.

        • Ito Kagehisa says:

          Are you claiming that an atheist is required to have some objectionable habits, as a necessary condition of having no god?  I don’t get it.

          • Kimmo says:

            I’m merely pointing out Lobster’s implication that ‘atheist’ activities aren’t particularly amicable or reasonable is pretty rich coming from a position of religious hubris.

    • ujin says:

      I wish I had more than one like to give.

  3. Mike Norman says:

    “My atheist friend has worked as a Valet for over a decade. He uses a hole-punch to take out the ‘god’ on US dollars. Here is a picture of his collected ‘gods’. ”

    I’m not sure that “atheist” is the most apt label. Passive-aggressive douche-nozzle? Unstable obsessive-compulsive? Immature twenty-something with a persecution complex? Self-righteous and sanctimonious boor?

    If I find the perfect label, I’ll come back later and post it.

    • knappa says:

      Looking at this and noting that he has been a Valet for a decade, I’m going to guess that the label should be “artist”.

      • Mike Norman says:

        Ah, yes, the “E) All of the above” in the world of the multiple-choice personality defect questions.

        Good call.

    • lorq says:

      Sorry, Erskine Calderon already used douche-nozzle.  As for you: Sock-puppet?  Dittohead?

  4. 5onthe5 says:

    You know what universally-adored fantasy novel I couldn’t get into and abandoned after 75 pages?

    • Ito Kagehisa says:

       It’s not his best work.  Try something from when he was still hungry ;) .

    • keithrc says:

      I actually preferred the sequel, “Anansi Boys.”  You might give that a try!  Does not require prior knowledge of American Gods.

  5. Rodrigo Leme says:

    Wow, this is so hardcore…*yawn*

  6. Endorsements of religious belief do not belong on our currency, whatever the 9th circuit appeals court says. Christians and other religious believers are of course welcome to voice their opinions and participate in public life, but our government is secular in nature, and must remain so in order to ensure representation of all Americans, believers and nonbelievers alike.

    I much prefer the old “unofficial” motto, translated from the Latin — “out of many, one.”

    •  Even if you are an atheist, you should recognize that a country whose three mottos include “Liberty” had darn well better have “In God we trust ” as one of them, because otherwise you end up with the guillotine.  As I recall, one of the three French mottos was also “liberty.”  But for liberty to work you either need a mighty God or a mighty government, or the people will eat each other up.  Out of many one is the third motto, and you can hear Dennis Prager explain this “American Trinity” on Youtube.  Out of many one means that I’m not a Slovak American and my wife is not a German American, and for that matter you are not an African-American.  You’re an American–something new, something permanent, something stronger, something better than its component parts, just like an alloy (Alnico, for example) is much better than the aluminum, the cobalt and the nickel that go into it. 

      • chenille says:

        Even if you are an atheist, you should recognize that a country whose three mottos include “Liberty” had darn well better have “In God we trust ” as one of them, because otherwise you end up with the

        Apparently you have a much better command of history than I do, because I never heard about the guillotines that plagued America until 1956.

        • Lobster says:

           “In God We Trust” has always been on our money, since the beginning of time.  6,000 years ago.

        • BillStewart2012 says:

           The US didn’t use guillotines – they used nooses.  But lynching stuck around at least a decade past 1956.

      • delfinclutch says:

        Dennis Prager is to enlightened political commentary as Douglas Corrigan was to navigation.

        As for three mottos, let’s go with:

        E Pluribus Unum.  Sulcus est in cor.  Non violare hircos.

        • sideshow bill says:

          E Pluribus Unum.  Sulcus est in cor.  Non violare hircos.

          Google Translation: On the search results. Groove is in the heart. Not to violate the goats.

          @Google Translate – Seriously, WTF?

      • Marc Mielke says:

        Why would something that does not exist help prevent the atrocities of the French Revolution? “In Superman We Trust” would work just as well. 

      • Petzl says:

        Even if you are an atheist, you should recognize that a country whose three mottos include “Liberty” had darn well better have “In God we trust ” as one of them, because otherwise you end up with the guillotine.

        This is looking glass/Glenn Beck territory.  Without God, no morals.  Just like all the non-Christian societies up to the present day are Mad Max/cannibal/rapist societies.  Oh, wait, they’re not any worse than our God-fearing Conquistadors, Inquisitions, pogroms.

        Look if you’re a troll, good job.  If you’re sincere, our educational system has failed you.

        Since christians would object to “Allahu Akhbar” being on the currency, and they pass laws against non-existent sharia in the US, they should realize how ridiculous and offensive it is putting “God” on US currency.

      • Peppermint says:

        I have a few corrections to point out, if I may.

        1. The ONE AND ONLY motto of France is still, to this day, “Liberty, Equality, Fraternity”. Just because there are several words does not mean there are several mottoes.

        2. This motto was only adopted as the official French motto in the end of the 19th century. It did exist during the French revolution, I’ll grant you that.

        3. This motto is still the motto of France. France is very much a secular country – one of the few countries in the world that officially are. (Along with Turkey and… Mexico, if memory serves – I’m not sure myself.) Unless something has changed in the last six hours, to the best of my knowledge, there are no working guillotines in France, nor are there riots demanding the blood of the nobles outside my window. I would urge you to research French history more thoroughly for next time. I’m sure the idea of a strong, functional secular state is terrifying, but ignoring it and speaking in stereotypes is not going to make it go away.

        4. Not a correction, but a question: what is it that people living in the US (a country which still has the death penalty) have against the guillotine? Why should hanging or the electric chair be superior methods of killing? Surely they look more painful – the electric chair especially. Is it because the lack of blood makes it more palatable?

    • Dan Hibiki says:

       But it’s the only thing keeping Communists out of the country!

      Without it all we have is the garlic ink infusion that keeps vampires at bay and that silver security strip for werewolves.

    • BillStewart2012 says:

       The coins used to say “99.?% silver” on them, and the notes were redeemable for real silver.   Now they’re not.   The reason the cheap-metal coins now say “In God We Trust” is that “We’re the Government, Trust Us!” would just get laughed at.

      • Ito Kagehisa says:

         I would be very interested in seeing a US coin that said “99.?% silver” on it.  As far as I know, there has never been any US coin that had the metal content explicitly stated on it.  Please post a link to a photo!

  7. lysdexia says:

    Speaking as a passive-aggressive, douche-nozzle, unstable, obsessive-compulsive, immature forty-something with a persecution complex, who often presents as a self-righteous and sanctimonious boor, I think it’s pretty funny.

  8. Robert Cruickshank says:

     He’s one of those hole-ier than thou types.

  9. Benjamin Brown says:

    Someone might want to point him to US Code Title 18 Part I Chapter 17 Section 333 : “Mutilation of national bank obligations”

    • unclemike says:

      Someone might also want to point out it’s only illegal to deface the currency if you show “…intent to render such bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt unfit to be reissued….”, according to US Code Title 18 Part 1 Chapter 17 Section 333.

      • Preston Sturges says:

        And any piece of money comprising more than 50% of the bill is spendable, and if you can provide 4 corners it can be redeemed for fresh money. The replacement policy for burned, rotted, shredded money is surprisingly generous, although you may have to send the debris to the mint for forensic counting. 

    • I can certainly poke a hole in that argument.

  10. el dueno says:

    Holy Cow!

  11. Powell says:

    What a BAD ASS!


  12. Navin_Johnson says:

    Unfortunately he failed in his task.  Everybody knows that in order to kill the mystical spirits that reside within the currency, one must also poke out the “All Seeing Eye of God” that sits atop the pyramid…

  13. Robert Cruickshank says:

    Completely unrelated, but found while I was trying to figure out how to spell hole-ier, and rather cool:

  14. Mark_Frauenfelder says:

    I change my bills with a pencil to read “IN GOP WE TRUST” because it’s the only party who can be counted on to build a great, big, large fence — 50 or 100 mile long — put all the atheists in there, and drop some food down. In a few years, they’ll die out.

    • lknope says:

      Can you imagine kissing an atheist?  *shudders*

      • benher says:

        Why, I did it this morning! Before you know it, we’ll be breeding just to spite those Abrahamic religions!

    • tomshorts says:

      Not sure if serious….

    • voiceinthedistance says:

      Will there be room in there?  I thought things were already going to be pretty full with just the homosexuals?  Granted, the demographic overlap will mitigate the overcrowding a bit.

    • Ito Kagehisa says:

      Well, yeah, if the Grand Old Party supplied food with the same level of effectiveness as they’ve governed lately, the atheists would definitely die out.  But if the party built a fence with that level of efficacy  it wouldn’t hold anybody in!

      I apologize for the grammar in the preceding paragraph.  It’s probably because I’m a registered Republican theist – we are all iggernant, y’know.

    • edgore says:

      That’s the homosexuals you are thinking of – the atheists keep breeding, so you have to keep feeding.

    • Genre Slur says:

       On Canadian bills I tend them with a Sharpie, leaving “SPEND SPEND SPEND” and “Shop Now, Riot Later” to circulate.

    • Culturedropout says:

      As a bisexual vegan atheist, I demand my own little fenced-in area.

    • failquail says:

      Make it a bit larger and this religion-free sanctuary actually sounds quite appealing to live in :)

  15. Everybody needs a hobby, I suppose.

  16. dryder1966 says:

    I just cross out god and write in Greed…In Greed we Trust = much more honest.
    Also, there is no god.

  17. Erational says:

    I can certainly understand having a philosophical opposition to having ‘God’ mentioned on one’s national currency, and even actively protesting against it. However, the effort involved here just sounds a little too “doth protest too much.” If you genuinely, sincerely, without any reservations don’t believe in a supreme deity, giving this much attention to the mention of Him seems a little odd.

    • Rob Bos says:

      I would have similar reservations, and I suppose you would too, if it said “In Thor We Trust”, or “Allahu Akbar”.  You could argue that “Thor” was a generic term standing in for all gods, or no gods, or the spirit of the universe or some such, but as long as there are asshole politicians claiming that it means that Yahweh is the God of America, we have to fight the symbology. Getting rid of it would mean one less way for the jerks to justify theocratic laws on the secular populace.

    • nixiebunny says:

       I look at it as evangelizing – spreading the word by removing the word.

      I hope to find one of these bills in my change one day.

    • benher says:

      Well understood “philosophical oppositions” aside … yes, that and a little something called, Separation of Church and State.

  18. RayCornwall says:

    I was expecting a Neil Gaiman reference, didn’t get one, waaaaaaah.

  19. Lobster says:

    I exchange my money for goods and services.

    I write articles to express an opinion.

  20. Preston Sturges says:

    I’ve always enjoyed the cryptic notes scribbled on paper money. Often it seems like someone has scribbled “100″ on a dollar bill so it can be used as a gambling marker in a poker game.

  21. Jan Angevine says:

    I think, at this time in our history, the word “United” should be crossed or punched out. We haz lozt r unitez.

  22. royaltrux says:

    I can’t remember the last time I looked at a dollar closely.

  23. blueelm says:

    There is just something strange and awesome about this jar. Some where, there is an art opening with gold covered poo that would have been better off with a jar of gods instead.

  24. semiotix says:

    As a non-believer, I know that if I found a dollar bill where the “GOD” had been snipped out by some fellow awesomethinker, I’d feel empowered.

    To say, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

  25. Ryan Lenethen says:

    If GOD had a problem with it, he should have done something about it. I guess he is cool with it.

    Also “In GOD we Trust”, well who else are you going to trust? The Government?

    When you have more trust in a bearded bathrobe wearing magic sky zombie, than the elected people who are supposed to lead your collective group, things may have gone terribly awry.

  26. ponzicar says:

    While I normally consider things like this not worth making a fuss about, my problem with “In God We Trust” and “One nation under God”  is that they are used by the ignorant to justify their support of religiously motivated laws that erode church and state separation.

  27. Blinkers says:

    All I see is the result of someone who thinks they’re clever and craves attention.

  28. Genre Slur says:

    Multi-model agnostics wouldn’t cause such controversy, yet I have NO idea what kinds of things such people would collect in jars. Anyone?

  29. Michael King says:

    When you blaspheme it means that you still believe.

  30. Flashman says:

    This is hilarious. I’ve got to see if there’s anything worth punching out of Canadian bills (not the Queen – I like our archaic, pointless monarchy).

  31. MooseDesign says:

    Uh oh, looks like lightning in a bottle to me!

  32. lorq says:

    I like this concept.  Having these hole-y dollars circulating from hand to hand works as a kind of low-key protest.  I think I just might start doing it myself.

  33. BarBarSeven says:

    “Holy dollar,You’ve worked too long on the midnight shift,Oh what’s becoming of me…”

  34. Anon_Mahna says:

    Christ what a punched hole….

    • benher says:

      (*punch*) what a punched hole…

      fixed that for you!

      Ah! Now that my work is done, all there is left to do is to sit back and wait for some concern trolls in this thread to either call me a douche-nozzle or to bluster about with some equivocal language condemning me as “militant atheist.” 

  35. Curies says:

    In order to make it a positive, I cross out and replace wording, so that the bill I’m handing over reads “In Us We Trust” – please, let’s at least get past the point that we think we need to teach religion, which is divisive, in order to lead ethical lives.  Atheism is the future.  We have only each other.  

  36. benher says:

    People are really psyched on defending currency. 

    Weren’t you people ever children? Didn’t any of you ever draw a ‘stache on George Washington or fold it to make the word “boobs?” Even Christian kids do this – I should know, I went to a Fundie institution where children gleefully defied authority with wanton abandon. 

    Besides, aren’t you allowed to rip a certain percent of the bill and it is still usable as currency?

    Perhaps if Theists are too principled to accept these bills we can all at least agree to lobby for some wider adoption of coinage for all currencies under $10? 

  37. Idea? Funny. Over the top reaction by nut jobs on here? Hilarious!

  38. Tim H says:

     I am surprised that no one here has pointed out that the guy has a hole puncher, I assume a standard one, which punches a hole that perfectly fits the “GOD” on the bill.  That’s one hell of a coincidence.  Or is it Intelligent Design?

  39. keithrc says:

    Atheist frothing aside, can I just make the practical point that this jackass is costing us all money in replacement currency (the Fed removes all damaged bills from circulation) without being called a douchenozzle? 

    Edit: also a good argument for dollar coins, but the US seems to hate those for some reason.

  40. dioptase says:

    Over 100 comments and nobody sees the contradiction of an atheist amassing a huge collection of the word GOD?  Any christian with that many pieces of paper with GOD on it would be considered a hyper-religious kook.

  41. tiponeill says:

    Note to self – purchase hole punch

  42. Tariq Kamal says:

    I think one commenter in the r/atheism thread said it best:

    In r/Christianity they just raised more money for whatever cause. r/atheism has a thread about a dude defacing money.

    Please stop showboating, Internet atheists. You’re getting your ass kicked by people who are trying to mold the world into something that their ideology demands.

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