"Ain’t No Homos Gonna Make it to Heaven," sings toddler in church

Discuss

123 Responses to “"Ain’t No Homos Gonna Make it to Heaven," sings toddler in church”

  1. Mike The Bard says:

    Brought to you by the same folks who are claiming that  schools and the media are “indoctrinating” children.

    • Nylund says:

      I swear, it’s always projection.  Everything they claim others do is what they actually do themselves.  It’s like Fox News screaming about liberal bias in the media. 

  2. Glen Able says:

    To quote Charlie Brooker:

    “It must be awful, being a homophobe. Having to spend all that time obsessing about what gay people might be doing with their genitals. Seeing it in your mind, over and over again, in high-definition close-up. Bravely you masturbate, to make the pictures go away, but to no avail. They’re seared onto your mental membranes. Every time you close your eyes, an imaginary gay man’s imaginary penis rises from the murk, bowing ominously in your direction, sensing your discomfort.”

    Full article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/apr/15/charlie-brooker-gay-video-game

    • hymenopterid says:

      “be forced to deal with lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender characters chosen by other players”.  Oh noes, it’s just like when you go to MacDonalds  and are *forced* to place your order with the minority teenager with the facial piercing.  Obama’s assault on our core values continues!

    • corydodt says:

      “[...] even then I was struck by how outrageously camp C3PO is. [...] It’s hard to see how they could make Star Wars any gayer, unless they gave the Millennium Falcon a handlebar moustache.”

      Slow. Clap.

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        I think that I’ve met maybe one gay man with a handlebar mustache in the 40 years that I’ve been out of the closet. Maybe people just can’t distinguish between a handlebar and a horseshoe.

    • gwit says:

      Lot of great lines from that article: Obviously you can’t fight the big gay penis in your head.

  3. Chuck says:

    Oh, dear lord.  They’re going to turn that kid gay if they keep it up.

    • awjt says:

      too late: look at that stylish vest!

    • dr_awkward says:

      Hey man, the kid is likely brainwashed.  Leave him alone.

      • rrh says:

        I have to wonder, what does he even think a “homo” is?

        I’ve heard complaints that gay people shouldn’t be open about it because “how will I explain that to my children?” So I’m really curious how these people explain to their kids just what it is that “homos” do that is so deserving of scorn? Or do they just lay a foundation of hatred first, and work out a justification for it when they’re old enough for it?

        • Felton / Moderator says:

          I have to wonder, what does he even think a “homo” is?

          I’m sure he has no idea, but then I doubt he’s any less well-informed about homosexuality than his adult audience.

        • Chuck says:

           “Good job, son.  You sang that song just the way we taught you.”

          “But mommy?  Daddy?  What’s a ‘homo?’”

          “Like I said before, we’ll tell you later.”

        • bcsizemo says:

          So I’m really curious how these people explain to their kids just what it is that “homos” do that is so deserving of scorn?

          They don’t do anything other than being gay.  The bible says they are evil, so enough said.

          Or do they just lay a foundation of hatred first, and work out a justification for it when they’re old enough for it?

          This implies they have real justification other than the bible tells me to do it…  Like several others said, I’m not sure the parents really have a logical reason as to way they hate the gays.

          • ocker3 says:

             The Bible says a lot more about loving than it does about hating, I think the problem is taking some pieces of a religious text out of context and blowing them up, just like people like to do with other popular books, and authors, and founding fathers…

          • wysinwyg says:

            Sure, Christians cite Leviticus when it suits them.  But when the ox of a Christian gores my ox they always seem to want to take the issue to civil court instead of just replacing it as God clearly commanded in the 500+ commandments.  (Have you actually read the Bible?  There aren’t 10 commandments.  There’s hundreds and most of them have to do with settling disputes concerning oxen.)

            The Bible says a lot more about loving than it does about hating,

            Maybe the gospels do, but they only make up like 50 pages. Read Acts, read Paul’s letters, read almost anything in the Old Testament. The Bible says a hell of a lot more about hate than it does about love.

        • rivkin says:

           Or they never explain it and just sputter and moan and say “it’s bad” without any more detail.  And then have to eat their words when they end up with a gay brother in law.

      • Andy Reilly says:

        Hey man, the kid is likely brainwashed. Do not leave him alone. Keep pushing the truth at him so maybe he can someday escape that brainwashing. 

    • Tommy says:

       Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  4. jimh says:

    Doesn’t sound like heaven if it’s full of these idiots…

  5. same crowd probably that cheered when rick perry was established as the most executing governor in history.

  6. On top of everything else, the lyrics aren’t exactly Cole Porter.

  7. angusm says:

    “That ain’t thunder you hear, that’s God face-palming over and over again …”

  8. Roose_Bolton says:

    Uncle! UNCLE!!!!

  9. Ito Kagehisa says:

    Hmmm…. didn’t President Bush say the exact same thing about Jews?

    Stay classy, Christians.

    • Ipo says:

       And it’s true too. 
      No Homo sapiens has ever gone to an imaginary place. 
      Not even Jews. 

      As far as science can tell. 

  10. jimh says:

    On “heaven ain’t what you think it is”, I’ll paraphrase Mark Twain from “Letters from Earth”:

    These people are so strange! Not one in ten of them can carry a tune or play an instrument, and none want to go to church more than an hour or two a week. But what do they think heaven is? An eternity of prayer where everyone is singing and playing harps!

    (I’ll take the FUN crowd, thanks!)

    • Wreckrob8 says:

      Don’t most religions conceive of heaven as a place of pleasure (and even sex)?

      • RedShirt77 says:

        There will be no such thing as an anus in heaven.

      • DustinDopps says:

         No.  Christians – myself included – believe heaven is a place of eternal worship.  It’s not about feeling good, but about honoring God.

        • jandrese says:

          So your choices in the afterlife are either eternal torment or eternal sycophantry?  Sounds like you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. 

          • RedShirt77 says:

             Enjoy life, no one has ever described eternal life in any way that seems to be remotely interesting to anyone with a brain.

          • DustinDopps says:

             It’s funny, because most people focus their time and attention on *something* that seems pointless.  Video games.  Collecting old records.  Watching celebrities who they will never meet doing things they’ll never be able to do.  Trying to eat the fanciest/oddest food they can find…

            Would you criticize one of those?  I bet you have a habit that other people find stupid and a waste of time.

            I believe God made me.  I believe he deserves to be worshipped.  And I devote myself to that.  If you think that’s stupid, then don’t participate.  Pretty easy.

          • Antinous / Moderator says:

            If you think that’s stupid, then don’t participate. Pretty easy.

            If your brethren weren’t spreading hate, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

          • $19428857 says:

             I have always thought that prayer was sucking up to the deity. Why would a an all-powerful, all-knowing being need my acknowledgement? Would not an omniscient being see right through the self-serving nature of “worship”? It boils down to “Don’t smite me God (or Baal, or FSM, etc), I think you are the coolest,” , “Looky. I’m a holy guy (and better than that guy over there)!” and “Zeus, gimme stuff.”  And anyone who sees belief in god(s)as a cost-free choice (Pascal’s Wager) doesn’t factor in the corrosive nature of organized religion. Prayer is part of the chemistry of corrosion.

        • Antinous / Moderator says:

          Hell, on the other hand, offers a shot at a threesome with James Dean and Elvis.

          • DustinDopps says:

             I think it is pretty clear that there is hate on both sides of the aisle.  Being a bigot is being obstinately opposed to a group because of your own beliefs.  Most the comments on this thread are people who are *quite* opposed to Christians and very vocal about it.  I.E. bigots.

            You want to lump all Christians into one pool and call these people my “brethren” which is fine.  But if you are intellectually honest, you’ll know that’s a foolish thing to do. 

            “All Christians are…”  “All black people are…”  “All gay people are…”  What’s the difference?

          • Funk Daddy says:

            Dustin only one of those represents a choice.

            I applaud your exercising the right to defend your belief through expression, 

            but the attacks are for the most part aimed at a place wherein a belief, a choice, seeks to impose itself on those who do not share it, or seeks to denigrate a segment of society that has equal rights, for instance by having small children sing about how homosexuals are not worthy of the respect one expects for themselves. That protected expression is still a bona fide example of intolerance that our society knows eventually results in bloodshed via our own history to the present day.

            There is not one thing wrong with criticizing a system of choice as a whole when a segment of that system attacks the concept of inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness shared equally.

            If that’s not your Christianity then you aren’t being discussed, if you don’t like the kid being taught hate and intolerance then you agree with most of the posts here acerbic language aside.

            If you wish to defend Christianity the most compelling and powerful way to do so is to oppose that teaching as a Christian, knowing that those non-Christians that do so from without support your freedom of religion along with the rights of those they defend from the apparent intolerance.

          • feetleet says:

            Marcia marcia marcia martha may marlene…. Are you thinking  ‘vegas buffet’ or ‘peanut butter and banana sandwich’?  Elvis (in whichever incarnation) seems like a strange choice for third wheel.  Or is he the hell part?  Is it irresponsible to tell this child to run away?  

          • Antinous / Moderator says:

            Fine. How about Ricky Nelson?

          • feetleet says:

            Yup, that’ll do. But shame on me, deciding whose ghost you can and can’t have sex with. I’m no better than that poor confused kid.  You give Elvis what for.

          • Antinous / Moderator says:

            Aha!  I just randomly ran across this possibly hellacious duo to invite into an infernal threesome.

          • Ipo says:

             Unless hell is personalized. 
            Your hell would be with that congregation. 

          • Abeworld says:

            @ DustinDopps The difference is that not one of them is trying to spread hate or interfere with others. Gays, blacks, all mid their own business. But not religion.

        • Wreckrob8 says:

          @DustinDopps Why the fuck bother if it is all to massage the over-inflated ego of a petulant misfit?

        • crashgrab says:

          Sorry, it wouldn’t let me reply to the appropriate part of this thread. I haven’t been a Christian for a long time, but I think there are those who lump all Christians together & I find that unfair. Even though I’m no longer a Christian, I’m still very happy with my childhood & the way I was brought up. So when I see videos like the ones above I don’t feel any connection to those people at all as “my kind” of Christians & take no offense when someone calls them out on their bullshit. Do you honestly feel some sort of connection with them or are you just offended that people are calling any Christians (even ones who are blatantly assholes) names? Also, if someone claims their faith or beliefs entitle them to treat others like shit, is it really wrong for others to stand up for themselves & say “hey you’re being an asshole to me”?

      • Iphinome Iphinome says:

         For chrsitians there’s no marriage or giving in marriage in heaven. Go with the Muslims, they get whores.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      There’s a classical Jewish description of heaven as spending eternity studying the Torah with Moses. It also describes hell as spending eternity studying the Torah with Moses.

      Your level of piety will decide how you respond to it.

      • Wreckrob8 says:

        I believe there is also a Jewish concept of a Godless heaven. If you define heaven and hell as the same could it not be because we all spend some time in heaven and some time in hell (piety has nothing to do with it)?

        • AlexG55 says:

          As far as I know Jews don’t really have a concept of a good afterlife you go to if you’re good and a bad one you go to if you’re bad. There’s simply “the World to Come” which everyone will go to when the Messiah comes (with the possible exception of truly evil people of the level of Hitler or Stalin who will simply be erased from existence). Jews, followers of other religions and atheists all get in.

          Antinous’ idea of how much you enjoy it varying may make sense, though- but Moses was a pretty cool guy after all.

      • AlexG55 says:

        That reminds me of a great allegedly-Korean story I was told at primary school:
        A great hero dies, and goes to heaven. Before he goes in, he asks if he can see Hell first. The spirit in charge of the gate agrees, and shows him a huge long table piled high with the finest food- but the people sitting at the table are hungry, because all they have to eat the food with is a pair of extremely long chopsticks which they can’t bring the food to their mouths with.
        The hero agrees that this is a horrible punishment, and goes up to heaven. To his surprise, it’s identical- same long table, same food, same extra-long chopsticks. The difference is that the people here are well-fed, because each person feeds their neighbour…

  11. signsofrain says:

    Wow, they are just LOVING their hate. I’m reminded of those old pictures of babies in Ku Klux Klan robes. Does anybody else feel another civil war coming on sometime in the next few hundred years? The forces of “We get to decide what is right based on selective interpretation of a translation of an ancient book and anyone who disagrees should be shunned, hated and attacked” vs. “We just want all people to be happy, healthy, and safe”

  12. suburbanhick says:

    I guess you can’t start ‘em on the hatred and homophobia young enough. I feel sorry for the poor little guy, being raised by such hate-filled, frightened parents.

  13. eldritch says:

    Well I’mma gonna tell you fascists,
    You may be surprised,
    People in this world are,
    Gettin’ organized!
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    Allll you fascists bound to lose.
    I said, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    Yessir, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    There’s people of every nation,
    Marching side by side,
    Marching cross the fields,
    Where a millions fascists died.
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    Allll you fascists bound to lose.
    Yessir, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    I said, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    ~Woodie Guthrie, popular folk musician throughout the 1940s

    Here’s the real stumper though. Is my posting this comparing Christian homophobia to Fascism? Or am I perhaps comparing Guthrie’s musical opposition to Fascism to this church’s musical opposition to Homosexuality? Or maybe there’s a point to be made for both? Chew on that one for awhile, eh?

  14. Faith says:

     You’ve got to be taught

    To hate and fear,

    You’ve got to be taught

    From year to year,

    It’s got to be drummed

    In your dear little ear

    You’ve got to be carefully taught.

    You’ve got to be taught to be afraid

    Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

    And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,

    You’ve got to be carefully taught.

    You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,

    Before you are six or seven or eight,

    To hate all the people your relatives hate,

    You’ve got to be carefully taught!

  15. Cleo says:

    The wee lad is technically correct. Also worth noting: ain’t no straights going to heaven. Because it’s a pretend place.

    • agreenster says:

       I was scrolling through the comments, hoping to come across this point, or I would have made it myself. 

      • Layne says:

        Ditto. 

        Then I was going to bring up the fact that whoever thinks ‘wrong’ and ‘heaven’ rhyme is a shitty songsmith.

        • Anon_Mahna says:

           trying to rhyme heaven & wrong… right up there with trying to make brick and hammer sound the same for things that gave me a migraine in short order.. now to locate a 2kg sized aspirin.

      • Ipo says:

         I didn’t scroll first, so I made it above, 16 hours late. 

  16. How about we stop giving free publicity to these sort of clowns?

  17. RedShirt77 says:

    Is it national Parenting Fail day?  Only this kid needs more iPad and less Bible?

    Religion: Teaching children the value of hatred, torture, and ignorance for thousands of years.

    Everytime I hear someone say they want to change their church from within, I can only think, “why?”

  18. atimoshenko says:

    Heaven: a club the acceptance to which is decided exclusively by how much one grovels before its owner.

    No thanks.

  19. occula says:

    And Mom wonders why I never go to church.

  20. BBanzai says:

    At 1:00 the guy in the front row flashes a hand sign (before he high fives the last kid). Looked like Heavy Metal Horns to me. Is there a Christian reference to that hand symbol?

    • Rich Keller says:

      I read that Ronnie James Dio originated that within metal circles. It’s an old Sicillian gesture to ward off the mal occhio, the evil eye. He meant it as a benevolent gesture to an adoring audeince. Somehow it got associated with Satan.

      •  Alternatively, Dio was flashing that sign to ward off the evil eye from himself, as he had placed himself in a prominent position and made extravagant promises.  Those are the kinds of things that attract mal occhio.  Knocking on wood also distracts it, among other still-common (largely or entirely vestigial) practices. 

        • BBanzai says:

           Cool. Thanks for the info. Do people in churches do that hand symbol often?

          •  Re: things that happen in (contemporary) church, I wouldn’t know.

          • wibbled_pig says:

            le corne? Touch wood, touch iron, touch your balls, if the horns are up, you’re telling someone that their wife/husband is cheating on them (cornuto), if they’re pointing down, you’re warding off bad luck..

            It’s a fairly rustic thing, if someone flashed le corne in church, they’d be doing it in a fairly hidden manner, imho..

    • dalgoda7 says:

       Hook ‘em, ‘Horns!

  21. Happler says:

    Religion is like a penis.

    It’s fine to have one.

    It’s fine to be proud of it.

    But please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around,

    And PLEASE don’t try to shove it down my children’s throats. 

  22. writegeist says:

    The way I read it, they’re the ones who aren’t going to be there. I recall reading something where a bunch of people complained about being in the wrong line and saying they did everything in His name…

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, and though he know it not, it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted.

      • RedShirt77 says:

        After reading that, I wonder how anyone could ever be confused by the true word of god.  *vomit*

  23. Mitch_M says:

    Not even if they’re celibate?

  24. franko says:

    this makes me so sad.

  25. Kevin Kleinfelter says:

    Well, in a way, I suppose he’s right.  But then, neither is he or his audience.  Death is final for us all.

  26. MichaelDalin says:

    These people are sick (obviously). It’s just crazy that their first tenet is that Jesus forgives all sins, and anyone can get into heaven, and yet they cheer this kind of thing on. 

    What I’m really looking forward to this year is videos of all the pastors in this country telling their congregations not to vote for the “socialist” but instead to vote for the Mormon!

  27. BennyMcBenBen says:

    Corinthian columns? What’s wrong with ionic?

  28. Rob Fahey says:

    London’s largest gay club is called Heaven. Unless there’s been a serious problem with the city’s transport network, I can assure you that this child’s song is terribly factually inaccurate.

  29. Atomicpanda says:

    This is just as sick as those people who dress their prepubescent daughters up like streetwalkers to win beauty pageants. Hell, probably the same people, now that I think about it. 

  30. feetleet says:

    Lil’ Santorum.  Complete with sweater vest.  

  31. mistercat says:

    I’m confused. Is that the same Bible that says “Love your neighbor” and “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”… or am I thinking of the wrong book?

    Oh Wait. That’s New Testament… I guess those Christians don’t go for that stuff.

  32. noah says:

    “…Now I want you to tell me just one thing more. Why do you hate the South?”

    “I don’t hate it,” Quentin said, quickly, at once, immediately; “I don’t hate it,” he said. I don’t hate it he thought, panting in the cold air, the iron New England dark: I don’t. I don’t! I don’t hate it! I don’t hate it!” 

  33. redesigned says:

    heaven and god might not be real, but hatred, bigotry, and brainwashing are.  poor kid. what happened to teaching “judge not lest ye be judged” “love thy neighbor as thyself”?

    jesus hung mainly with guys except his one platonic relationship with a hooker…makes me wonder what he really meant by turning the “other cheek”? :-) (haha, i kid, chillax people)

    “satan’s greatest trick on god was sending all the douche bags to heaven and keeping all the musicians and free thinkers for himself.  eternity is a long time sucka…”

    • Anon_Mahna says:

       I like point out to the more over zealous, that really the biggest trick to pull would be to get massive amount of people to blindly commit acts of hate and vile in the name of their supposed deity..   Once in a while one of them flinches at that thought.

  34. Petzl says:

    I thought for sure: Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama, or possibly Kansas.  But, Indiana?! Indiana– how could you?

  35. Child Abuse.

    End of story.

  36. Amphigorey says:

    @DustinDopps:disqus
    You are making a false equivalence. It’s not “just as damning”; it’s far LESS damning. Christians don’t get beaten and murdered for being Christians in the US. Gay people (or atheists) don’t call for all Christians to be rounded up and put in pens.

    Yes, sometimes atheists say unkind things about Christianity. That’s the worst that happens, though – that people point out that religion is false and based on a false premise. That is absolutely not the same thing as the hatred that gay people and atheists encounter every day from Christians.

    I know you love playing the victim, but it’s not flying this time. Sorry.

    • wysinwyg says:

      Yes, sometimes atheists say unkind things about Christianity. That’s the worst that happens, though – that people point out that religion is false and based on a false premise.

      Bears repeating over and over and over again.  Atheists get upset at Christians when Christians do things like lobby foreign governments to execute homosexuals and engage in systematic campaigns to commit and cover up pedophilia.  Christians get upset at atheists when they say mean things about Jesus.

      Christians should feel free to complain about persecution in light of all those mean things we say about Jesus, but if so they should ditch all the talk about being morally superior.  Because it takes one twisted moral compass to perceive these things as equivalent wrongs.

  37. Actionverb says:

    Wow!  What a voice!   That kid’s going to be the next Elton John!

  38. Roose_Bolton says:

    ..and godspeed, Snagglepuss.

  39. jimh says:

    Ah yes, Indiana. The state of my birth and childhood. So glad I left.

  40. Thorzdad says:

    Lucky you! I’m still stuck here.
    This video does not surprise me one bit. It saddens me completely, but does not surprise.

  41. $19428857 says:

    This isn’t directed at you, but what you said made me think about one of my pet peeves, so consider this as addressed to the world.

    This happened in Greensburg, Indiana, about halfway between Indianapolis and Cincinnati on I-74. I pass through it on my way to Chicago. My whole extended family originally hails from not too far away, south of the Ohio River in Kentucky.  As a “Southerner”, I ‘d like to point out this kind of crap happens in all 50 states, unfortunately, so the next time some church applauds some fucked up expression of homophobia, and it happens below the Mason-Dixon (like in Maiden, NC, an hour from my house), please remember you have dumbass bigot neighbors, too, no matter where you live (and I have decent progressive,  fair minded neighbors) and lighten up on the ” South =bigotry” meme (or the Mid West = bigotry. or rural=bigotry). IT.IS.EVERYWHERE. Even in that enlightened place for which you left Indiana. Reject bigotry everywhere, and resist the urge to pat yourself on the back for “escaping”.

  42.  Lord I can’t go back there…

  43. snagglepuss says:

     I just got back in here. I’m curious what the removed comment by the “guest” said….

    Golly Gee Willikers, I simply dread the possibility that I offended someone who was defending that little dope’s right be ignorant and hateful, or his tax-dodging bigot-dispensary’s – Excuse me, “House of Worship’s” – right to fill his innocent li’l noggin with utter horseshit..

  44. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Address and phone number for purposes of harassment.

  45. snagglepuss says:

     As in, the numbers of the minister and other members of that congregation ?

  46. Ipo says:

     The sinister and their minister. 

  47. Amphigorey says:

    Okay, now you’re just trolling.

  48. Avram Grumer says:

    If you insist on oppressing people, then when those people try to shake off your oppression, it’s going to seem to you like an imposition, an overthrowing of the “normal” order of things. That’s how bigoted southerners saw the Civil Rights movement, and that’s how modern anti-gay bigots see the Gay Rights movement. 

  49. PKMousie says:

     Wait wait… let me fix that for you.

    Homosexuality has always been a part of every facet of American life, but now gays are demanding that their existence be respected and that they not be discriminated against, so they can live normally.

    *eyeroll*

Leave a Reply