"Ain’t No Homos Gonna Make it to Heaven," sings toddler in church

In a video made viral by our pals at Dangerous Minds, a child sings:

"I know the Bible’s right, somebody’s wrong / I know the Bible’s right, somebody’s wrong / Ain't no homos going to make it to heaven."

Then, a crowd of adults cheers and gives a standing ovation.

You can watch the video at Dangerous Minds.


  1. Brought to you by the same folks who are claiming that  schools and the media are “indoctrinating” children.

    1. I swear, it’s always projection.  Everything they claim others do is what they actually do themselves.  It’s like Fox News screaming about liberal bias in the media. 

  2. To quote Charlie Brooker:

    “It must be awful, being a homophobe. Having to spend all that time obsessing about what gay people might be doing with their genitals. Seeing it in your mind, over and over again, in high-definition close-up. Bravely you masturbate, to make the pictures go away, but to no avail. They’re seared onto your mental membranes. Every time you close your eyes, an imaginary gay man’s imaginary penis rises from the murk, bowing ominously in your direction, sensing your discomfort.”

    Full article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/apr/15/charlie-brooker-gay-video-game

    1. “be forced to deal with lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender characters chosen by other players”.  Oh noes, it’s just like when you go to MacDonalds  and are *forced* to place your order with the minority teenager with the facial piercing.  Obama’s assault on our core values continues!

    2. “[…] even then I was struck by how outrageously camp C3PO is. […] It’s hard to see how they could make Star Wars any gayer, unless they gave the Millennium Falcon a handlebar moustache.”

      Slow. Clap.

      1. I think that I’ve met maybe one gay man with a handlebar mustache in the 40 years that I’ve been out of the closet. Maybe people just can’t distinguish between a handlebar and a horseshoe.

    3. Lot of great lines from that article: Obviously you can’t fight the big gay penis in your head.

      1.  The parents and both sets of grandparents (possibly even the aunts and uncles) will argue endlessly about who was really at fault for giving him that vest.

          1. Rich Santorum: santorum now  fortified with 30% more fecal mater.

            For all your bedroom needs choose Rich Santorum.

      1. I have to wonder, what does he even think a “homo” is?

        I’ve heard complaints that gay people shouldn’t be open about it because “how will I explain that to my children?” So I’m really curious how these people explain to their kids just what it is that “homos” do that is so deserving of scorn? Or do they just lay a foundation of hatred first, and work out a justification for it when they’re old enough for it?

        1. I have to wonder, what does he even think a “homo” is?

          I’m sure he has no idea, but then I doubt he’s any less well-informed about homosexuality than his adult audience.

        2.  “Good job, son.  You sang that song just the way we taught you.”

          “But mommy?  Daddy?  What’s a ‘homo?'”

          “Like I said before, we’ll tell you later.”

        3. So I’m really curious how these people explain to their kids just what it is that “homos” do that is so deserving of scorn?

          They don’t do anything other than being gay.  The bible says they are evil, so enough said.

          Or do they just lay a foundation of hatred first, and work out a justification for it when they’re old enough for it?

          This implies they have real justification other than the bible tells me to do it…  Like several others said, I’m not sure the parents really have a logical reason as to way they hate the gays.

          1.  The Bible says a lot more about loving than it does about hating, I think the problem is taking some pieces of a religious text out of context and blowing them up, just like people like to do with other popular books, and authors, and founding fathers…

          2. Sure, Christians cite Leviticus when it suits them.  But when the ox of a Christian gores my ox they always seem to want to take the issue to civil court instead of just replacing it as God clearly commanded in the 500+ commandments.  (Have you actually read the Bible?  There aren’t 10 commandments.  There’s hundreds and most of them have to do with settling disputes concerning oxen.)

            The Bible says a lot more about loving than it does about hating,

            Maybe the gospels do, but they only make up like 50 pages. Read Acts, read Paul’s letters, read almost anything in the Old Testament. The Bible says a hell of a lot more about hate than it does about love.

        4.  Or they never explain it and just sputter and moan and say “it’s bad” without any more detail.  And then have to eat their words when they end up with a gay brother in law.

      2. Hey man, the kid is likely brainwashed. Do not leave him alone. Keep pushing the truth at him so maybe he can someday escape that brainwashing. 

      1. Man, what a tune!

        Yes, as far as shameful songs that children should never have been made to sing go, there’s certainly a higher degree of lyrical and melodic sophistication going on there.

  3. Hmmm…. didn’t President Bush say the exact same thing about Jews?

    Stay classy, Christians.

    1.  And it’s true too. 
      No Homo sapiens has ever gone to an imaginary place. 
      Not even Jews. 

      As far as science can tell. 

  4. On “heaven ain’t what you think it is”, I’ll paraphrase Mark Twain from “Letters from Earth”:

    These people are so strange! Not one in ten of them can carry a tune or play an instrument, and none want to go to church more than an hour or two a week. But what do they think heaven is? An eternity of prayer where everyone is singing and playing harps!

    (I’ll take the FUN crowd, thanks!)

      1.  No.  Christians – myself included – believe heaven is a place of eternal worship.  It’s not about feeling good, but about honoring God.

        1. So your choices in the afterlife are either eternal torment or eternal sycophantry?  Sounds like you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. 

          1.  Enjoy life, no one has ever described eternal life in any way that seems to be remotely interesting to anyone with a brain.

          2.  It’s funny, because most people focus their time and attention on *something* that seems pointless.  Video games.  Collecting old records.  Watching celebrities who they will never meet doing things they’ll never be able to do.  Trying to eat the fanciest/oddest food they can find…

            Would you criticize one of those?  I bet you have a habit that other people find stupid and a waste of time.

            I believe God made me.  I believe he deserves to be worshipped.  And I devote myself to that.  If you think that’s stupid, then don’t participate.  Pretty easy.

          3. If you think that’s stupid, then don’t participate. Pretty easy.

            If your brethren weren’t spreading hate, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

          4.  I have always thought that prayer was sucking up to the deity. Why would a an all-powerful, all-knowing being need my acknowledgement? Would not an omniscient being see right through the self-serving nature of “worship”? It boils down to “Don’t smite me God (or Baal, or FSM, etc), I think you are the coolest,” , “Looky. I’m a holy guy (and better than that guy over there)!” and “Zeus, gimme stuff.”  And anyone who sees belief in god(s)as a cost-free choice (Pascal’s Wager) doesn’t factor in the corrosive nature of organized religion. Prayer is part of the chemistry of corrosion.

        2. Hell, on the other hand, offers a shot at a threesome with James Dean and Elvis.

          1.  I think it is pretty clear that there is hate on both sides of the aisle.  Being a bigot is being obstinately opposed to a group because of your own beliefs.  Most the comments on this thread are people who are *quite* opposed to Christians and very vocal about it.  I.E. bigots.

            You want to lump all Christians into one pool and call these people my “brethren” which is fine.  But if you are intellectually honest, you’ll know that’s a foolish thing to do. 

            “All Christians are…”  “All black people are…”  “All gay people are…”  What’s the difference?

          2. Dustin only one of those represents a choice.

            I applaud your exercising the right to defend your belief through expression, 

            but the attacks are for the most part aimed at a place wherein a belief, a choice, seeks to impose itself on those who do not share it, or seeks to denigrate a segment of society that has equal rights, for instance by having small children sing about how homosexuals are not worthy of the respect one expects for themselves. That protected expression is still a bona fide example of intolerance that our society knows eventually results in bloodshed via our own history to the present day.

            There is not one thing wrong with criticizing a system of choice as a whole when a segment of that system attacks the concept of inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness shared equally.

            If that’s not your Christianity then you aren’t being discussed, if you don’t like the kid being taught hate and intolerance then you agree with most of the posts here acerbic language aside.

            If you wish to defend Christianity the most compelling and powerful way to do so is to oppose that teaching as a Christian, knowing that those non-Christians that do so from without support your freedom of religion along with the rights of those they defend from the apparent intolerance.

          3. Marcia marcia marcia martha may marlene…. Are you thinking  ‘vegas buffet’ or ‘peanut butter and banana sandwich’?  Elvis (in whichever incarnation) seems like a strange choice for third wheel.  Or is he the hell part?  Is it irresponsible to tell this child to run away?  

          4. Yup, that’ll do. But shame on me, deciding whose ghost you can and can’t have sex with. I’m no better than that poor confused kid.  You give Elvis what for.

          5. Aha!  I just randomly ran across this possibly hellacious duo to invite into an infernal threesome.

          6. @ DustinDopps The difference is that not one of them is trying to spread hate or interfere with others. Gays, blacks, all mid their own business. But not religion.

        3. @DustinDopps Why the fuck bother if it is all to massage the over-inflated ego of a petulant misfit?

        4. Sorry, it wouldn’t let me reply to the appropriate part of this thread. I haven’t been a Christian for a long time, but I think there are those who lump all Christians together & I find that unfair. Even though I’m no longer a Christian, I’m still very happy with my childhood & the way I was brought up. So when I see videos like the ones above I don’t feel any connection to those people at all as “my kind” of Christians & take no offense when someone calls them out on their bullshit. Do you honestly feel some sort of connection with them or are you just offended that people are calling any Christians (even ones who are blatantly assholes) names? Also, if someone claims their faith or beliefs entitle them to treat others like shit, is it really wrong for others to stand up for themselves & say “hey you’re being an asshole to me”?

      2.  For chrsitians there’s no marriage or giving in marriage in heaven. Go with the Muslims, they get whores.

        1.  I thought they got virgins in heaven. 
          72 each. 
          Until they ran out. 

          Why is it that virgins have to go to hell? 

    1. There’s a classical Jewish description of heaven as spending eternity studying the Torah with Moses. It also describes hell as spending eternity studying the Torah with Moses.

      Your level of piety will decide how you respond to it.

      1. I believe there is also a Jewish concept of a Godless heaven. If you define heaven and hell as the same could it not be because we all spend some time in heaven and some time in hell (piety has nothing to do with it)?

        1. As far as I know Jews don’t really have a concept of a good afterlife you go to if you’re good and a bad one you go to if you’re bad. There’s simply “the World to Come” which everyone will go to when the Messiah comes (with the possible exception of truly evil people of the level of Hitler or Stalin who will simply be erased from existence). Jews, followers of other religions and atheists all get in.

          Antinous’ idea of how much you enjoy it varying may make sense, though- but Moses was a pretty cool guy after all.

      2. That reminds me of a great allegedly-Korean story I was told at primary school:
        A great hero dies, and goes to heaven. Before he goes in, he asks if he can see Hell first. The spirit in charge of the gate agrees, and shows him a huge long table piled high with the finest food- but the people sitting at the table are hungry, because all they have to eat the food with is a pair of extremely long chopsticks which they can’t bring the food to their mouths with.
        The hero agrees that this is a horrible punishment, and goes up to heaven. To his surprise, it’s identical- same long table, same food, same extra-long chopsticks. The difference is that the people here are well-fed, because each person feeds their neighbour…

        1. I rather like that fable.  It works as a great analogy to how I think  a society should be.

  5. Wow, they are just LOVING their hate. I’m reminded of those old pictures of babies in Ku Klux Klan robes. Does anybody else feel another civil war coming on sometime in the next few hundred years? The forces of “We get to decide what is right based on selective interpretation of a translation of an ancient book and anyone who disagrees should be shunned, hated and attacked” vs. “We just want all people to be happy, healthy, and safe”

  6. I guess you can’t start ’em on the hatred and homophobia young enough. I feel sorry for the poor little guy, being raised by such hate-filled, frightened parents.

  7. Well I’mma gonna tell you fascists,
    You may be surprised,
    People in this world are,
    Gettin’ organized!
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    Allll you fascists bound to lose.
    I said, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    Yessir, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    There’s people of every nation,
    Marching side by side,
    Marching cross the fields,
    Where a millions fascists died.
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    Allll you fascists bound to lose.
    Yessir, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    I said, alllll of you fascists bound to lose.
    You bound to lose,
    You fascists bound to lose.

    ~Woodie Guthrie, popular folk musician throughout the 1940s

    Here’s the real stumper though. Is my posting this comparing Christian homophobia to Fascism? Or am I perhaps comparing Guthrie’s musical opposition to Fascism to this church’s musical opposition to Homosexuality? Or maybe there’s a point to be made for both? Chew on that one for awhile, eh?

  8.  You’ve got to be taught

    To hate and fear,

    You’ve got to be taught

    From year to year,

    It’s got to be drummed

    In your dear little ear

    You’ve got to be carefully taught.

    You’ve got to be taught to be afraid

    Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

    And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,

    You’ve got to be carefully taught.

    You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,

    Before you are six or seven or eight,

    To hate all the people your relatives hate,

    You’ve got to be carefully taught!

  9. The wee lad is technically correct. Also worth noting: ain’t no straights going to heaven. Because it’s a pretend place.

    1.  I was scrolling through the comments, hoping to come across this point, or I would have made it myself. 

      1. Ditto. 

        Then I was going to bring up the fact that whoever thinks ‘wrong’ and ‘heaven’ rhyme is a shitty songsmith.

        1.  trying to rhyme heaven & wrong… right up there with trying to make brick and hammer sound the same for things that gave me a migraine in short order.. now to locate a 2kg sized aspirin.

    1. Nope, better that the hipurban people of cities-where-this-is-hidden-or-rare get an eyeful and an earful of what goes on, because creep can go either way.

  10. Is it national Parenting Fail day?  Only this kid needs more iPad and less Bible?

    Religion: Teaching children the value of hatred, torture, and ignorance for thousands of years.

    Everytime I hear someone say they want to change their church from within, I can only think, “why?”

  11. Heaven: a club the acceptance to which is decided exclusively by how much one grovels before its owner.

    No thanks.

  12. At 1:00 the guy in the front row flashes a hand sign (before he high fives the last kid). Looked like Heavy Metal Horns to me. Is there a Christian reference to that hand symbol?

    1. I read that Ronnie James Dio originated that within metal circles. It’s an old Sicillian gesture to ward off the mal occhio, the evil eye. He meant it as a benevolent gesture to an adoring audeince. Somehow it got associated with Satan.

      1.  Alternatively, Dio was flashing that sign to ward off the evil eye from himself, as he had placed himself in a prominent position and made extravagant promises.  Those are the kinds of things that attract mal occhio.  Knocking on wood also distracts it, among other still-common (largely or entirely vestigial) practices. 

          1. le corne? Touch wood, touch iron, touch your balls, if the horns are up, you’re telling someone that their wife/husband is cheating on them (cornuto), if they’re pointing down, you’re warding off bad luck..

            It’s a fairly rustic thing, if someone flashed le corne in church, they’d be doing it in a fairly hidden manner, imho..

  13. Religion is like a penis.

    It’s fine to have one.

    It’s fine to be proud of it.

    But please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around,

    And PLEASE don’t try to shove it down my children’s throats. 

  14. The way I read it, they’re the ones who aren’t going to be there. I recall reading something where a bunch of people complained about being in the wrong line and saying they did everything in His name…

    1. I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, and though he know it not, it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted.

      1. After reading that, I wonder how anyone could ever be confused by the true word of god.  *vomit*

  15. Well, in a way, I suppose he’s right.  But then, neither is he or his audience.  Death is final for us all.

  16. These people are sick (obviously). It’s just crazy that their first tenet is that Jesus forgives all sins, and anyone can get into heaven, and yet they cheer this kind of thing on. 

    What I’m really looking forward to this year is videos of all the pastors in this country telling their congregations not to vote for the “socialist” but instead to vote for the Mormon!

  17. London’s largest gay club is called Heaven. Unless there’s been a serious problem with the city’s transport network, I can assure you that this child’s song is terribly factually inaccurate.

  18. This is just as sick as those people who dress their prepubescent daughters up like streetwalkers to win beauty pageants. Hell, probably the same people, now that I think about it. 

  19. I’m confused. Is that the same Bible that says “Love your neighbor” and “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”… or am I thinking of the wrong book?

    Oh Wait. That’s New Testament… I guess those Christians don’t go for that stuff.

  20. “…Now I want you to tell me just one thing more. Why do you hate the South?”

    “I don’t hate it,” Quentin said, quickly, at once, immediately; “I don’t hate it,” he said. I don’t hate it he thought, panting in the cold air, the iron New England dark: I don’t. I don’t! I don’t hate it! I don’t hate it!” 

  21. heaven and god might not be real, but hatred, bigotry, and brainwashing are.  poor kid. what happened to teaching “judge not lest ye be judged” “love thy neighbor as thyself”?

    jesus hung mainly with guys except his one platonic relationship with a hooker…makes me wonder what he really meant by turning the “other cheek”? :-) (haha, i kid, chillax people)

    “satan’s greatest trick on god was sending all the douche bags to heaven and keeping all the musicians and free thinkers for himself.  eternity is a long time sucka…”

    1.  I like point out to the more over zealous, that really the biggest trick to pull would be to get massive amount of people to blindly commit acts of hate and vile in the name of their supposed deity..   Once in a while one of them flinches at that thought.

  22. I thought for sure: Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama, or possibly Kansas.  But, Indiana?! Indiana– how could you?

  23. @DustinDopps:disqus
    You are making a false equivalence. It’s not “just as damning”; it’s far LESS damning. Christians don’t get beaten and murdered for being Christians in the US. Gay people (or atheists) don’t call for all Christians to be rounded up and put in pens.

    Yes, sometimes atheists say unkind things about Christianity. That’s the worst that happens, though – that people point out that religion is false and based on a false premise. That is absolutely not the same thing as the hatred that gay people and atheists encounter every day from Christians.

    I know you love playing the victim, but it’s not flying this time. Sorry.

    1. Yes, sometimes atheists say unkind things about Christianity. That’s the worst that happens, though – that people point out that religion is false and based on a false premise.

      Bears repeating over and over and over again.  Atheists get upset at Christians when Christians do things like lobby foreign governments to execute homosexuals and engage in systematic campaigns to commit and cover up pedophilia.  Christians get upset at atheists when they say mean things about Jesus.

      Christians should feel free to complain about persecution in light of all those mean things we say about Jesus, but if so they should ditch all the talk about being morally superior.  Because it takes one twisted moral compass to perceive these things as equivalent wrongs.

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