Florida is center of coming zombie apocalypse

From ihopericksantorum:

I am a zombie

5/16: McArthur High School HazMat Situation
Students, Teachers Decontaminated After Breaking Out In Rash

5/19: No confirmation on chemical at Fort Lauderdale International Airport

5/21: Police: Man bites woman in Westchester http://www.mysuburbanlife.com/westchester/newsnow/x639948018/Police-Man-bites-woman-in-Westchester

5/23: I-285 reopens after hazmat incident

5/23: Man Bites Cousin’s Nose Off

5/24: Second Broward school reports mystery rash http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/24/2815003/second-broward-school-reports.html

5/25: Hazmat Called After Kids Exposed To Pesticide On Bus: Hazmat, EMS Respond To Lake County, FL School

5/25: ‘Disoriented’ passenger subdued on flight in Miami http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/05/25/passenger-restrained-on-flight-to-miami-arrested/

5/26: Naked Man Allegedly Eating Victim’s Face Shot And Killed By Miami Police

5/26: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolmen After DUI Arrest http://abcnews.go.com/US/florida-doctor-spits-blood-troopers-face-dui-arrest/story?id=16436402

All in same week and same state…. may God be with you Florida.


  1. Wow, I’m suddenly envisioning a fence that runs from Gulf to Atlantic, that when viewed on a map bears a striking resemblance to a giant cock ring.

  2. Umm, the 5/21 story is from Illinois.Still, isn’t this what Max Brooks tells you to look for in the Zombie Survival Guide?  Pages 25-27 in my edition… ;-)

  3. Excellent,  my friends and I have been compiling similar lists lately – I remembered this story from last year:

    1. That was an unmedicated schizophrenic whose entire family and babydaddy fell down on the job with keeping an eye on her.  One of these days people are going to quit expecting the severely mentally ill to function like normal human beings.  I suppose that’ll happen roughly about the time they start *seeing* them as human beings.

  4. So what is this “fad” about zombies now? You people in US are constantly led by well-organised, mainstream “fads” promoted by every brink or mainstream media, and you follow them gladly.

    what’s repulsive to me is that these fads are portraying the individual decaying, parasitic, dependent, predating–like for example the previous (yet expiring) “fad” that lasted a good decade: Vampires.

    They’d put you a “fad” to tatoo yourself and cover yourself in piercings and you’ll follow it like a slave. What’s the next fad? -it’s glamorous to be in a private prison maybe?

    I wish they made “fads” for young people being subversive, intelligent, subtle, humorous, freedom-loving, considerate, creative… Ever seen any “Leonardo Da Vinci fad” lasting for, like, ten years? I’m telling you, if all the deep-stench mainstream media promoted, let(s say,  Leonardo for 10 years the way they promoted “vampires” (or now ‘zombies’) you’d have markedly nicer feel and aspiration among the people in your country…

    1. Uhhh…. the zombie fad has been coming and going forever. George Romero re-made a bunch of zombie movies in the late 90s/early 2000s. The Max Brooks Zombie Survival Guide book is at least seven years old. It’s just pop-culture dude. Some people like zombies, some people like vampires, some people like wizards, some people like other stuff. Many of us ALSO like Film with a capital F, Art with a capital A, and Literature with a capital L. So CHILL OUT.

      What country are you from anyways? I bet you’ve got your share of problems too.

        1. Isn’t it awesome when people from outside your country automagically know exactly what’s wrong with your country, even as their own countries falter?

          1. @facebook-749997097:disqus it is a fair guess that you’re greek, since you somehow managed above to typo a mu instead of a “y”. there aren’t many keyboards in the US where that’s possible.

          2.  @facebook-749997097:disqus You are either from another country or you formatted this statement incorrectly
            “You people in US are constantly led by well-organised, mainstream “fads”…”
            It’s the ‘You people’ that does it. When you say ‘You people in the US’ you are indicating to the reader that you are not a part of ‘people in the US’.
            You do the same with ‘ … among the people in your country’ indicating that the US is not the country were you reside.

          3. It’s having problems, not being blind.  I’m bored with the America-bashing too, but it’s not like we don’t deserve at least some of it.

        2. -this Steampunk thing doesn’t even look bad to me–i was reading stuff like Juxtapose magazine, for example, or Burns comics since these appeared and weren’t even famous…i mean, i have taste for these things, but my rant is about the mass “fad” and people obeying it–the Steampnk thing made me think about it…

      1. These films you are talking about are different, they’re very cool, they have this texture/flavour to them, not to mention kitsch humour. What my rant is about is this tasteless consensus in masses obeying these mass fad signals (through stuff that mostly has NO texture or flavour but just  constant, tasteless blue backlights)

    2. Dearest Rosin, that’s a wee bit harsh, dontcha think? You should visit Fflorida sometime. You’ll see that if there is to be a zombie apocalypse, that is precisely where it will start.   =8)

      1. µou’re right, harsh tone brings nothing good, beside it’s directed towards a ‘system’ and i may only give shit feel to a few folks with what i express but fuck, doesn’t this system deserve a good rant

        1.  “doesn’t this system deserve a good rant”
          Yes, yes it does. Let me know if you see one.

    3. The Steampunk “fad” has lasted for a good decade or so, gaining *ahem* steam over the course of that time until becoming a full-fledged culture.  It’s done so largely without the “mainstream media.”  It’s been an organic growth pushed by regular people like Jake VonSlatt.  It has been co-opted by Hollywood and Vancouver for films and television, but it has been by-and-large an organic growth.

      Personally, I like zombie fiction.  I like the concept of urban survival in a post-collapse landscape in general.  It makes for interesting and meaningful stories about humans living and surviving in extreme circumstances.  Zombie fiction is one iteration of this stress-survival genre.   That new TV series this fall about the power going out is another one.  To me, it’s about seeing strength in times of strife.

      Could there be a Da Vinci cultural movement?  Sure.  I can easily imagine a Renaissancepunk aesthetic with rudimentary wooden gears and flying corkscrews.  I’m seeing RennFaire meets Steampunk from your description.  The beautiful thing, though, about living in the future is that any of us can make the next great wave of culture if we only make it compelling enough.  You want us “people in the US” to get hooked on Da Vinci?  Then make me something compelling that I want to remix and incorporate into my personal visual aesthetic. 

      Welcome to the future, Rosin, where the barrier to cultural production is less-than-zero.

      1. John, this Steampunk thing doesn’t even look bad to me–i was reading stuff like Juxtapose magazine, for example, or Burns comics since these appeared and weren’t even famous…i mean, i have taste for these things, but my rant is about the mass “fad” and people obeying it–the Steampnk thing made me think about it…

      2. Yeah, uh-huh, living without civilization is *such* an extreme circumstance.  So extreme, in fact, that no one has ever done it before in all of human history.

        (Not even the three million years *before* civilization… ssshhhh…)

        I’ve been going around saying “it never ceases to amaze me how hard a pet dog will fight to avoid joining the wolf pack” but honestly, a dog’s got more sense than we do, as evidenced by the way a dog will go feral before rolling over and dying from lack of its leash and Milk-Bones.

    4. I wish they made “fads” for young people being subversive, intelligent, subtle, humorous, freedom-loving, considerate, creative…

      “They” do. But you’re too hip to know about them.

        1. what, so they can be all mainstream and overexposed and lacking in value, so you can complain about them?  Dude you are seriously not getting the mechanics of scale here.

    5. Zombies are the physical manifestation of the existential angst at the heart of the modern human condition.

      And it’s fun to watch decaying people scream “BRAAAAIIINNS”.

      Also, lighten up.

    6. The latest fad is instigating trivial arguments on the internet, just to get a rise out of people.  The kids call it “trolling”.

    7. Tell you what.  You find some other fad besides America-bashing and we’ll think about it.

      (For what it’s worth, I wish intelligence were a fad here too, believe me.)

      1. Yet another decaying doofus who chose to be dead and now spends all of his time whining about how oppressed he is. Get a pulse, slacker!

  5. I’m actually a bit worried about how San Diego got moved to Florida and nobody noticed.

  6. I  hope that zombies freeze solid if the weather is cold enough. That gives me a couple of months of rest each winter.

  7. zombies are slow, stupid and can be killed with conventional weapons. call me when we have a werewolf or vampire apocalypse.

  8. I didn’t read all of the comments, but from the article, you have missed the mysterious chemical that boils in water and “pops” in the air that washed up in a 55 gallon drum here: 

    The guy that bit the lips off of a kitten here:  

    The woman, openly masturbating on the interstate here: 

    And the guy that robbed the bank and stabbed the teller with the syringe here: 

    It’s been a good couple weeks for news in Florida. 

  9. As someone who is constantly reading weird news stories like these, I just gotta point out there isn’t really anything statistically significant here, or any sort of sudden rise in cannibalism. There are always chemical accidents and bizarre instances of violence in America,. It’s our thing, especially with the faltering economy. Yes, I know we’re all just having fun and no one’s being serious. But the original incident that started this “joke” was a homeless man being disfigured in a horrible attack, and I find it really hard to see the humor in that. Not really an appropriate topic for these wacky internet antics.

  10. I don’t know.
    Any other state and I’d be with you, clearly a gummint coverup of a zombie outbreak…
    But then I remember how crazy Florida is, and suddenly it seems like a pretty typical week.

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