Responding to "cannibal fever," CDC denies existence of zombies


28 Responses to “Responding to "cannibal fever," CDC denies existence of zombies”

  1. eselqueso says:

    This is such a government conspiracy and coverup. ZOMBIES ARE REAL!

    • madopal says:

      I want to see the running script at the CDC that watches for incoming press inquiries with the words “zombie”, “apocalypse”, “contagion”, and “virus” that pops out the automatic denial response.  
      They even went through the trouble to give this “David Daigle”  a respectable LinkedIn profile.  The CDC has clearly been planning for this denial for a while.

  2. Mark_Frauenfelder says:

    This is like a real-life zombie movie — the CDC always says there’s no truth to the zombie rumors.

  3. satn says:

    …an email he sent from a military helicopter en route to the desert zombie research lab/shelter.

  4. I wonder if any Christian groups will be upset by this statement.

  5. Christopher says:

    I just wish the CDC had added that, even though there is no evidence of re-animated dead or anything that would cause zombie-like conditions, if you are attacked by a cannibal it is still advisable to either remove their head or destroy their brain. 

    • ZikZak says:

      Solid advice.  But experts are still undecided on whether, after destroying the assailant and discovering you were bitten in the struggle, it is advisable to dramatically insist that a friend or relative shoot you in the head.

  6. Mark_Frauenfelder says:


  7. autark says:

    Rabies always sounded like a zombie inducing disease:

  8. Humberto Ortiz-Zuazaga says:

    I present to you the CDC’s very own zombie apocalypse preparedness plan:

  9. nmcvaugh says:

    And they say there’s no hunger problem in America.

  10. Rich Keller says:

    Is the only cure for cannibal fever more cannibal cowbell?

  11. Paul Arnaudo says:

    well that’s a relief

  12. I had no idea there were that many cannibals out there. 

  13. pupdog says:

    Big Thumbs-Up on the kittens for these stories. At least something nice to think about…

  14. BarBarSeven says:

    Cannibal Cat! Cannibal Cat! He knows where he’s at! Cannibal Cat!

    “Hey Cannibal Cat! What do you think about the CDC claiming to not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead?”

    “Dead, schmed… Cover up, schmover up… THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHY ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN PURCHASE WET FOOD EATING EACH OTHER! For that matter, after they eat each other… WHEN WILL THEY COME FOR ME!?!”

  15. ewoksoup says:

    I suspect that the real explanation for all this somehow involves a local groupon

  16. bryan rasmussen says:

    The problem is that zombieism is a memetic virus. Exposure to too much zombie related fiction, blog posts, and governmental denials has corrupted the minds of people turning them into pseudo-zombies, they are still alive although extremely fast, strong, and resilient, and they are able to think relatively clearly in attempting to achieve their goals of eating other people.  As such the world we are entering into is much closer to that of The Signal than of Dawn of the Dead. Enjoy.

  17. PeterArgent says:

    It would be so much easier to take the CDC seriously about the Zombie Apocalypse if they hadn’t played it for laughs already. Grow up, CDC, and stop with the Zombie Logic

  18. Palomino says:


  19. Ant says:


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