Responding to "cannibal fever," CDC denies existence of zombies

"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," wrote the US government agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.



    1. I want to see the running script at the CDC that watches for incoming press inquiries with the words “zombie”, “apocalypse”, “contagion”, and “virus” that pops out the automatic denial response.  
      They even went through the trouble to give this “David Daigle”  a respectable LinkedIn profile.  The CDC has clearly been planning for this denial for a while.

  1. This is like a real-life zombie movie — the CDC always says there’s no truth to the zombie rumors.

  2. …an email he sent from a military helicopter en route to the desert zombie research lab/shelter.

  3. I just wish the CDC had added that, even though there is no evidence of re-animated dead or anything that would cause zombie-like conditions, if you are attacked by a cannibal it is still advisable to either remove their head or destroy their brain. 

    1. Solid advice.  But experts are still undecided on whether, after destroying the assailant and discovering you were bitten in the struggle, it is advisable to dramatically insist that a friend or relative shoot you in the head.

      1.  No, it’s usually best to hide the wound and carry on as if nothing had happened.

        1.  As I read on some other site:
          “As memes go, I find this one tasteless”…

  4. Big Thumbs-Up on the kittens for these stories. At least something nice to think about…

  5. Cannibal Cat! Cannibal Cat! He knows where he’s at! Cannibal Cat!

    “Hey Cannibal Cat! What do you think about the CDC claiming to not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead?”

    “Dead, schmed… Cover up, schmover up… THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHY ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN PURCHASE WET FOOD EATING EACH OTHER! For that matter, after they eat each other… WHEN WILL THEY COME FOR ME!?!”

  6. The problem is that zombieism is a memetic virus. Exposure to too much zombie related fiction, blog posts, and governmental denials has corrupted the minds of people turning them into pseudo-zombies, they are still alive although extremely fast, strong, and resilient, and they are able to think relatively clearly in attempting to achieve their goals of eating other people.  As such the world we are entering into is much closer to that of The Signal than of Dawn of the Dead. Enjoy.

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