"Everybody poops. Even your favorite athlete."

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25 Responses to “"Everybody poops. Even your favorite athlete."”

  1. Lance Brown says:

    The end of that article about killed me.  I haven’t laughed that hard in months.  Almost had my own DefCon 1 moment!

  2. Kibo says:

    Just like there are professional eating contests, there should be professional pooping contests. And that way, nobody would be embarrassed by an accident there.

    By the way, we also aren’t supposed to talk about how professional eaters barf up all their food. Since I assume those guys train as much as the runners and football players in the article… does this mean professional eaters are burning the candle at both ends?

    • bcsizemo says:

      Imagine it now…the bowl cam.   You’d need one of those wipe away screen setups they use for the Nascar onboard cams.

      I’m not sure all professional eaters throw up what they eat.  The Nathan’s Hotdog contest was on while I was at the gym and one of the contestants basically said he just didn’t eat for 4 or 5 days after the contest.  Water and broth was all the consumed for the following week…  All I could think was my god the sodium you are consuming. 

    • SomeGuyNamedMark says:

      “Just like there are professional eating contests, there should be professional pooping contests.”

      Why not combine the two?  “Ok everyone, stick around for a few hours to see the winner of the professional pooping contest.”

  3. Kibo says:

    Also, I’m reminded of the old “Politenessman” comic strip in National Lampoon. Sometime in the ’80s there was one about a marathon runner suffering intestinal distress, trying to hold in gas. (“Here comes Gaston ‘Boom-Boom’ Flatulenza, followed by Aussie Ken Sniffit!”) Politnessman jogged up beside Flatulenza, and informed him in no uncertain terms that although you may pass a runner, you may not pass gas. Flatulenza held it in, at the cost of his own life.

    And that is the only reason I never became a professional marathon runner. That, and the fact that I hate running.

  4. joeposts says:

    Moss: “I’ve discovered that winning is not as fulfilling or as profound as when you are completely taken to your physical limit and, maybe, dumped off a little on the other side,” she says. “There is a sacredness to that place. Although there are probably ways to get there that are more graceful than what I did.”

    Made me lol. X-D

  5. beemoh says:

    >says former Saints linebacker Scott Fujita, now with the Browns.

    Even being interviewed is too much for some, it seems.

  6. pishabh says:

    You may not be awares, but there is a cult following of people like this form a group known as the UDA (me thinks that stands for the United Defecators Alliance).  My friend, IBM, is active in UDA circles and they often debate things related to rhythmic defecation and the impact it can have in high performance situations.  IBM has said that there are instances nearly every week in the NFL when someone pulls a ‘Shatner’ but the NFL keeps all hush about it.  Apparently the UDA has lobbied congress and even once had a meeting with then Speaker Pelosi.

    It’s some weird stuff, but they swear it’s true

  7. claybob says:

    The thought of the side line mister-fan brings this to a level Airplane could only begin to scratch.

  8. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Obligatory

  9. John Napsterista says:

     Well, a run-of-the-mill DefCon 1 is heroic and all, but even better is coming off years of heroin addiction, going through withdrawals, shitting your pants during warm-up, and then going out and throwing ten touchdown passes, tying the Arena Football League record.  That’s what Todd Marinovich did:  http://www.esquire.com/print-this/todd-marinovich-0509?page=all

  10. SomeGuyNamedMark says:

    I’m pretty sure “Everybody Poops” was an REM song

  11. pjcamp says:

    On a similar subject (amateur division):

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/texas.html

  12. kroeghe says:

    “2. I am so, so glad that I do not exercise at a level where my body has to make a choice between keeping my heart, lungs, and muscles working vs. providing all my other internal organs (including colon) with enough blood flow to remain functional.”

    This process is by no means exclusive to professional athletes – it’s normal functionality of a mammalian organism. For the same reason humans get pale when the are afraid – the body takes the blood away from “unnecessary” (less necessary at the moment) outer layers of skin to put it where it can help with fighting on running away.

  13. tnmc says:

    The article fails to mention one infamous case where England forward Gary Lineker shit himself on the pitch in front of millions during the 1990 World Cup in Italy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t_8pfbCH-4 

  14. wizardru says:

    If there is one detail I already know, it’s that when Maggie says ” you will not regret reading it” about a disgusting topic, the reverse is almost always true.  Not falling for it this time.

  15. Steve says:

    What ?  No Mention of Joe Paterno running from the side line to go potty?   To me that was the sign that Ol’ Joe was 10 years beyond retirement.

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