By Cory Doctorow at 2:47 pm Sun, Jun 10, 2012
Oldredjalopy DeviantArt piece "The Kessel Run" is a bit Star Wars, a bit Cannonball Run, and a whole lot of awesomesauce.
The Kessel Run
(via Super Punch)
I like this on many levels.
The only prequel that ever should have been made.
I had to look up Nien Nunb
-10 Star Wars credits for me.
Also, are the blue-skinned lady whose species I’ve forgotten or the blond lady anybody I’m supposed to know?
Isn’t La Bleu the opera singer from The Fifth Element?
The blue chick is a twi’lek :)
The blue lady’s a Twi’lek. Neither woman is a known character to me, but my Star Wars knowledge is pretty intentionally limited to episodes 4, 5, and 6; and Shadows of the Empire.
I believe the blonde is Susan Anton. ;)
The “blonde lady” is Nien Nunb in his pre-larval phase.
Comedy demands they just bill “Farrah Fawcett” along with the fictional stars.
The artwork looks good, but I wish people would spend a little more time with the typography when doing retro-designs like this.
Consider the source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Cannonball_run.jpg
The font looks pretty close, but there’s something about the positioning and sizing in the original that’s not replicated here: this is centered, and graduated in size; the orginal has the second rank a larger size than the others and not all the rows are centered.
The font looks right on a Retina display.
The typography is actually spot on.
The logo at the bottom is really good. The names at the top are close, but not quite right.
Coming in 12 parsecs to a theater near you!
A parsec is a measure of distance.
Precisely. And this joke zoomed by at about 300,000 km / second.
I’m trying to figure out if leaving the women unbilled on the poster is in reference to an old sexist paradigm, or evidence of a new one.
or a lack of named female characters that would fit?
Neither of those characters were named in the movies. I suppose they could have made up names for them but that wouldn’t have made much sense…
How sure are you that Chewbacca, Greedo, Boba Fett, Jabba, and Nien Nunb are male?
Chewie’s totally a chick. She’s the only character in the entire series who preens her hair. Besides, Han sure ain’t gonna stop and ask directions when they get lost.
I remember this one, it had Jabba the hut before he got heavy.
Jabba the Front Stepp?
Pizza the Hut?
I thought he was Jabba’s cousin?
Jabba’s basically the Dom Deluise of this version.
Wouldn’t Jabba be the Dom Deluise of Star Wars?
You notice that they’re never in the same room?
Is that also true of C3PO and Charles Nelson Reilly?
Antinous: No, Roddy McDowall.
Ack parsecs are a unit of distance not time… sorry, really nerdy pet peve of mine.
Explained on Wookieepedia.
I appreciate that this explanation exists, but it will always feel retcon-tastic to me.
I, for one, will be forever grateful to Ann Crispin for making the effort to come up with a way that Han’s line makes perfect sense, rather than settling for him being ten pounds of bantha poodoo in a five-pound sack.
I thought that it worked better when he came off like a sleazy guy in a bar who’ll say anything to get laid.
Even though the line was written that way, Ford didn’t play it that way, and I think he played it right. Solo’s a pilot by trade, the Falcon is indeed “the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy” (when in proper tune), and if he’s desperate for clients in order to pay off the Hutt, the last thing he needs to do is brag about his ship using incorrect jargon that would be glaringly obvious to pretty much anyone looking to hire a ship in a spacefaring society. Han Solo is an egotistical scoundrel whose first instinct is to look out for Number One, but I’m glad Harrison Ford resisted any direction to play him as an incompetent nimrod.
So either Ford didn’t realize the line was wrong, or just hoped we wouldn’t realize it. In any case, Guinness reacts skeptically (as if he doesn’t believe the claim, not as if he thinks Solo can’t tell a minute from a mile), and Ford reacts to that skepticism with further claims (eventually proved valid) about his ship’s performance, not with any embarrassment about being discovered to be a lying dipshit.
Solo may have been scripted to be “stupid” in this instance, but Ford didn’t do it, IMHO. Thank the Maker. Uh… that is, thank Ford. ;^)
Oh god I just realized what “retcon” in torchwood is named for.
I understand the logic behind Solo’s line, but is still gives me the nerd rage when people say things like ‘It’s been parsecs.’
Let it go Stuie. We’ve all been there. Pick your battles. :)
People say things like that? Man, we must move in seriously different circles.
That was an awesome pet peeve to have about 35 years ago. Get over it. Way more people alive today have heard of a parsec in relation Kessel than in relation to Bessel.
the lack of scale bothers me
How much does it bother you?
Perhaps you think you’re being treated unfairly?
Who’s the blond?
His name is Chewbacca. He’s a wookie.
I like a Kessel breakaway, myself.
If that sign says 18 parsecs then they actually UNDERSTAND!
why is the Rodian missing an arm?
He’s not, a paper scrap caused by the Millenium Falcon busting through the poster is covering his elbow. If you move your eyes slightly to the right of the blue breasts you can see his forearm.
Want. Can give the other prequels in return.
So Nien Nunbis is important enough to put in the title credits, but not enough to put on the poster? They didn’t need Both of the tie-fighters, they could have slotted him in under the Twi’lek woman’s hand, introducing an interesting insinuation
You aren’t actually mad that a character isn’t featured on a parody poster for a film that doesn’t exist, right?
LOL AWESOMESAUCE…in this post! My friend Brandon made that word up while I was there and I thought it would never catch on. Un-believable to me that it did. By the way, it was an adaption/opposite just a few months after I made up Weaksauce, which was a few years after I made up Toobesauce. Also, he said awesomesauce-em because it had a better ring to it. They originally all came from playing video games and constantly saying “aww weak”(getting killed unrightfully), and “who ordered the toobsauce” while noob-tubing(grenade launchers) through far away windows, thereby turning whoever in the room into sauce(by way of noob toob, aka Toobsauce.
After a while I accidentally said “aww weaksauce” effectively combining the two and it caught on like fire for some reason.
It was beyond freaky when a few weeks later a person I had never met said at a concert by me, then months later I heard it on a made for tv Mtv movie. How unbelievably surreal……..
Believe it or not-Doesnt matter.
Surely this is the first time you have heard a reasonable explanation of where Weaksauce awesomesauce and tubesauce aka toobsauce came from.
Might sound insane but its been happening my whole life.
I could even tell you where “bow chicka-wow-wow” came from as well since I made it up when I was 12 years old… Which would also finally explain exactly why its used to describe a hot person…but I wont for now. The answer would greatly surprise you and makes me laugh every time I hear it.
When will your memoirs be published? My preorder is guaranteed.
In the meantime, maybe you could subscribe to his newsletter.
Actually, I coined the word “weaksauce” at a Taco Bell in 1991.
Excellent! Would be even moreno if the poster also included Jamie Farr.
Cool. I always thought Smokey and the Bandit was the story of the Kessel Run, what with the time limit factor and the smuggling aspect and the fact that Star Wars and Bandit came out around the same time. Plus, The Bandit’s sidekick was ‘The Snowman’ like the abominable snowman, yeti, bigfoot. You know, Chewbacca.!
The sign should say “MINIMUM DISTANCE 18 (parsecs).” A parsec is an astronomical measure of distance. “It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs” means a very tight course.
The blonde is modeled after Suzanne Somers, most likely a nod to her being in Lucas’ AMERICAN GRAFITTI. Personally, I would’ve preferred Farrah!
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