Tactical stabbing pen adds handcuff key and other stuff

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36 Responses to “Tactical stabbing pen adds handcuff key and other stuff”

  1. Spezz says:

    This pen may actually be mightier than a sword.

  2. mack says:

    Plate o’ shrimp! 

    I just bought one of these a couple weeks ago at our local army surplus to satisfy my fetish for  heavy little objects.
    It cost about 25 bucks, and feels properly nerdly in your hand while writing, and pretty “GRAAAARGHH” when clenched in your fist. 

    You could probably put it through someone’s organs or extremities if you were in steroidal 80s-Schwarzenegger shape, but you’d more likely just be giving them a respectably, intimidatingly nasty jab in whatever body part you aimed it at. 

    I’m wondering whether TSA will decide it’s dangerous if it’s just lined up alongside the other pens in my satchel when I get on the plane next week … uhhh, yeah. Check luggage. 

  3. RJ says:

    Any civilian who really, truly lusts for a tactical pen does so out of a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy that needs to be addressed.

    • foobar says:

      A big, hard pen is hard to find.

    • Or a deep-seated fascination with elegantly overcrafted fiddly objects. 

      Incidentally, I’ve never much gone for the notion that there is a one-to-one correspondence between interests and motives. It’s led to a lot of snarky and uncharitable assumptions about fundamentally harmless things. 

  4. fantabulizer says:

    For all those times when you are writing a thank-you card to Grandma and you are attacked by a ninja.

  5. Avram Grumer says:

    I wonder if there’s a Mall Ninja Mall somewhere, where all the stores sell “tactical” double-use gear. 

    • Cynical says:

       …and who supervises the Mall Ninja Mall? The Mall Ninja Mall Ninja. Where does he buy his stuff? The Mall Ninja Mall Ninja Mall.

      It’s Mall Ninjas all the way down.

  6. Justin Kuhn says:

    Handcuff key? I think the cops will probably take away your stabby pen in the first place. Unless they didn’t think to search your “tactical cavity.” 

  7. malindrome says:

    Why is this called an “Uzi” pen? Is that not a brand name?  I guess Israel Military Industries doesn’t own the rights any more, but can you just apply Uzi to anything you want?

    • JIMWICh says:

      If you exclaim, “My pen is Uzi” people will definitely avoid you, but because they’ll think you’ve got the clap.

    • I’m sure that Rothco, who I believe manufactures it just, licensed the Uzi name from whoever currently holds the rights. Knife and gun makers seem to love to license out their names for all kinds of unrelated crap.

      And I’m not sure why it’s being called “Think Geek’s Uzi Tactical Defender Pen.” They’re juts a reseller. It’s not Think Geek’s any more than it’s Amazon’s, which is where I bought mine.

  8. fuzzyfuzzyfungus says:

    Alas. Still a pocket-clip, rather than a proper Picatinny rail mount.

    I don’t know about anyone else; but I am definitely carrying at least a carbine far more often than I am letting the world be deprived of my rippling abs by a shirt…

  9. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Make it a little thicker with a detachable clip and it would have another built-in function.

  10. adonai says:

    I suppose that’s why Q isn’t in the new Bond films…MI6 can just order their gear off the Internet now.

  11. Jim Saul says:

    That would be a nice include with a Saddleback Leather briefcase.

    I wouldn’t carry it in a front jeans pocket though. I’ve had even normal pens try to take a DNA sample that way.

    I don’t anything about handcuff locks, but assume there are recreational locksmiths among the readers here… is that anything close to what is claimed?

    • mjfgates says:

      It’s a real handcuff key. The thing is, the lock on a pair of handcuffs wouldn’t even deserve the name, if they were on something that wasn’t holding your hands together behind your back.

      • Jim Saul says:

        I see… that explains the success of Houdini’s regurgitakey gag. Perhaps some day I’ll be glad to have long arms and short legs.

      • Mitch_M says:

        The first thing I did when I was handcuffed was tuck my legs through my arms   to be more uncomfortable with my hands on my lap. The cop got pretty annoyed and redid them behind my back the first time I did it. He got real fired up and threatened to tie me up even more the second time I did it.

  12. Snig says:

    Since you can stab someone with a run of the mill bic, it seems it would usually be  a tactical error to carry around a pen that says “Hey, my owner is the kind of guy who’s really into stabbing folks with pens!”

  13. Ladyfingers says:

    I love how the nature of these “tactical” objects implies that every other tactic has failed.

  14. Michael Leung says:

    Would this be legal on an airplane?

  15. Christopher Weuve says:

    1) This thing is the size of a baton!2) “The DNA Catcher on the crown of the pen is very sharp…”  Wow, my shirts are going to love that.3) “…writes …under water.”  On what?  Fish?

  16. lafave says:

    Any pen is (capable of being) a stabbing pen

  17. nox says:

    At the other end of the spectrum, I found pink uzi handcuffs on a deal a day site.

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