Rob Beschizza at 10:55 am Thu, Jun 21, 2012
Photo: Mukesh Gupta with Reuters
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Eurovision 2013: An American in London
The technology that links taxonomy and Star Trek
The Great Jamba Juice Catastrophe of 2012.
Winner of this year’s Nickelodeon Lifetime Achievement Award Harvey The Moo Cow died during a freak stage accident. Harvey The Moo Cow’s handler is in critical condition.
When growing your old guy from seed, make sure you fertilize liberally.
Christ, what an asshole.
Soylent green is people?
The radical gay agenda.
“Well, it seems Martha was right about this country club after all.”
We have entirely too much guacamole and absolutely no chips.
What’s that old guy doing in my oobleck?
Okay here’s my real caption attempt:
“Ahhh damnit sonny, the farm’ll smell of pea soup ’till the second coming! Ah told yer not to touch that valve!”
I said do you speak-a my language….
Bier auf wein
Get your filthy pet out of my pool!
I suspect the backstory here involves too much hardship and suffering on that man’s part to warrant a funny caption. Sorry to be the wet blanket.
“Only seventy cents a day could supply him and countless others with the sunglasses and innertubes they need.”
petertrepan, that was fricken’ funny.
This is the best hiding place yet! That cow will never find me in here.
Charles began to rethink the wisdom of accepting the position of official vatican cow exorcist.
Thanks… I’m not even going to bother submitting one now… :o
Aw, man. I didn’t read this before posting my own. Well, done, sir or madam.
In my book, you won this round.
Captioned, credited, linked and Tumblred http://ocdinagoodway.tumblr.com/post/25696479180/boing-boing-caption-contest
Funny how some pets look remarkably like their owners.
This will end badly.
Waiter! Waiter, there’s a guy in my pea soup!
Gesundheit, Bless you!
Maybe you’d like it back in your cell, your highness!
(or… “I have a bad feeling about this…”)
That is the least appetizing Saag Paneer I’ve ever seen.
(or.. ”Get in there, you big furry oaf!”)
Preserve the natural beauty of America’s wetlands.
From the primordial soup came man … I’m david Attenborough…blah blah blah
Famous billionaire, salsa verde fanatic, and bovine enthusiast installs salsa pool at his residence.
Shut that outhouse, son. You trying to fertilize the outdoors?
That will make your hair green!!
Ugh. This is the second most I’ve ever thrown up.
As the last man sank beneath the waves, the ungulates knew their plan had succeeded at last. From this, a new world would arise.
This. Thisthisthisthisthisthisthisthsi. You win.
At this moment, Bessy ardently wished she possessed opposable thumbs.
I don’t remember eating that…
A bumper crop in Algae-ria.
sea of blood (colorblindness test #73843)
Behind the scenes photo released from the set of George Lucas’ next feature!
Oh, I get it, green screen.
Farmer Old Macdonald attempts to recreate the Shamrock Shake recipe for generic brand rip-off; 4 dead
Pesto is ready!
Our correspondent takes a dip in the worlds last natural slime reserve. Tragically, most of the worlds slime has been depleted over the last 20 years by Nickelodeon, a branch of Viacom International Inc.
OK. Who farted?
Ahhhh… refreshing cilantro dressing while we wait for the monsoon!
This is NOT what I meant by “going Green”!!
Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.
The Green Party according to Bob.
I threw up.
as in Dorothy Parker’s review of The House at Pooh Corner:
“…Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”
Welcome to The Republic of Elbonia!
A man swims in the polluted waters of a pond next to his buffalo on World Environment Day on the outskirts of Jammu, June 5, 2012.
BoingBoing needs an anti-like!
Dude, BUZZKILL! But seriously Rob, maybe you should make sure there isn’t a bummer “true story” to these caption contest photos…
Problems emerge with Monsanto’s new strain of ‘nano-grass’
“Waiter? There’s a human in my soup!”
In the time it took for me to go through the comments and come up with my own……………… LOL!
er, this was supposed to be a reply to Pip_R_Lagenta
The astonishingly scanty turnip harvest, left Francois and Buttercup no choice but to green-screen this year’s holiday photo cards.
This is what happens when You Can’t Do That On Television gets lost in translation…
My version of this joke was:
“I don’t know!”
Yeah, Water Buffalo?
What can you tell me about the reproduction of algae?
I don’t know…
I…*guess* I’m glad we found this water after being stranded for days in the middle of the desert, but…
Green Screen FAIL!!
Meanwhile on the set of what was once Nikelodeon Double-Dare….
What did I treat you like? A water buffalo?
You got Gak on your yak, bro.
As our hero meditated upon the nature of reality, he suddenly realized he’d been transported to the pea soup dimension. Surprisingly, along with his favorite cow Festus.
Undaunted, he said:”All is as it should be. Now find me a spoon and some crackers. Oh right. There is no spoon.”
Look, Fred, that’s not what I meant when I said we need to go green…
I guess Popeye was wrong afterall
“A man and his buffalo are caught up in the aftermath of an industrial accident at a Miller Paint factory in Bhopal, India.”
Tiger lines up his putt on the third green.
Soylent green IS people!
In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, gaffer’.
This is the best St. Patricks day EVER!
Yup, there it is: Big Mac and Shamrock Shake.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day.
Whoa, great minds thinking alike …
“Should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque.”
On the 14th, a Par 3, Bovine McMasters looks to the judge to determine what the stroke penalty is for hitting the old guy stuck in cup.
Behind the scenes on the set of “Caddyshack.”
Man: Don’t look, some asshole is taking our picture.
Cow: Fuck it. It’s probably just gonna wind up on some website getting made fun of, let me get a little more sludge in my beard…
Well this isn’t where I parked my car
Man vs Wild: The “You Can’t Do That on Television” Outtakes
Forty five minutes after daring the goat to drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour.
Man: “Told you so.”
Was that Linda Blair?
duh duh duh duh… Guacamole shark! We’re gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes
into cage, cage goes into guacamole. Shark’s in the guacamole. Our shark..
Excuse me, White Cliffs of Dover?
Can I just graze in peace without Fakir McFucknuts trying to organically bleach his own asshole and invading my space?
“He slimed me”.
Cow: “I’ve had the runs for three days”
Man (thinking to himself): Jiminy H. Christmas! Never seen so much god damned mucus in all my life.
Man (out loud to cow): You ever heard of tissues?
Cow (thinking to itself): Geez, that felt like stomach compartment #3. I do not feel good.
Cow (translated from the original moo): Shut-up Old Man! That was no mucus!
Cow (making a mental note): I gotta stop drinking my own milk.
Cow (follow-up mental note): Check with Vet…probable lactose intolerance.
El mundo es un
“Matcha,” you said, “what could possibly go wrong?”
“just add water” it said.
Worst Rave Ever.
Oonce Oonce Oonce Mooo Mooo Oonce Oonce
(I really don’t know why I was compelled to do this. So very sorry)
They give birth astride of a grave; the light gleams of an instant, then it’s night once more.
“That Hunter S. Thompson is full of shit, man. ‘smoke the finest green where the buffalo roam’, my ass.”
The grass is greener where you bathe.
American firepower: 1
Gamera the Flying Turtle: 0
Related Stats and Casualties:
Local villagers: 13 dead, 58 wounded, 900 tons of surplus Turtle Soup and zero remaining deities based on giant flying turtles.
“Nah, I can’t come in to swim, I just ate a burger less than a half hour ago”, said the cow.
Wow! What a pea-souper!
“Please remember to clean your Vitamix with warm soapy water after each use” The more you know!
Pea soup, why does it always have to be pea soup.
Mom was right. Green apples go right through you.
How do I let him know I love him?
Following the events of December 21′st of that fateful year, Michael Phelps, Former US Gold Medalist discovers the Fountain of Youth after many years. Unfortunately, the fountain is no longer effective, and far too polluted. Shortly after this photo was taken, he was devoured by zombie cattle.
Hindu artist creates “Holy Guacamole” interactive exhibit
The bottle clearly said, “Lather, rinse, repeat.”
After a tender moment in the bog Raymond was crestfallen. Bessy couldn’t even look him in the eye after what had just occured. ”Sacred my ass.” he thought to himself.
“Who’s There ?”
“Elsie the Borden Laboratory’s Recombinant DNA Bioweapon Cow”
“Elsie the – OH MY GOD !!!”
Looks like Linda Blair was here…
It’s a tough spot on the newly remodeled back nine of Pebble Beach this year. Golfers this year will have to wedge their way out of a newly bioengineered quicksand/grass/meadow/piranha pit.
Looks like it’s 6 more weeks of winter.
When that ship docks I’m going to ask if any of them have an allen wrench I can borrow.
“You know Bessie, we could have had it all. Rolling in the deep.”
The palak paneer at this place is great!
This place needs a lighthouse. Oh, crap! Now here comes the Pepto Bismol tanker.
The “Atom Heart Mother” album cover photo shoot went horribly wrong when Roger Water’s envy spilled out all over the place.
note to self, “do NOT feed the yak epicac”
“I get this part okay…really, I’m okay with it…the Americans and Soviets join together to fight a common enemy…Big alien dies…
…but why did Rorshach have to die? He was so cool.”
“Haha, hey cow, I’m not stuck in here with you, you’re stuck in here with ME!”
“That Rorshach, what a badass!”
After years of fighting for their love, Carl and Bessie married, taking their honeymoon at the luxurious Green Spas. But alas, their celebrity made time alone nearly impossible. “F***ing paparazzi,” thought Bessie, “their prying eyes are bad enough, but their telephoto lenses always add 10 pounds to my ears.”
The Bovine Overlords commence enforcement of the new Human Cleanliness Standards.
Now available in movie theater super-size containers.
(yak and old man sold separately)
note to self: never give Messy Bessy another spinach smoothie.
New restaurant dining experience immerses customers and their soon-to-be main course in a pool of their favorite appetizer soup. Private and community soup pools available.
THEY’RE EATING HIM. AND NOW THEY’RE GOING TO EAT ME. OHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDD
split pea soup anyone?
I FWEW UP! :(
“HEY, YOU! GET OUT OF THE THERE! THAT SMOOTHIE IS FOR THE CATTLE!”
Undercover agents, posing as corpses, blow the lid on illegal use of protein sources in cattle smoothies.
“Put your yak in the Ooze”, they said. ”You’ll get a Mutant Ninja”, they said.
With the beef having been added to the pea soup, it was time for the taste test.
We’re all in this together.
Buffalo: “No, you get him out”
From humble beginnings the Green Lantern Corps was formed.
Screw that John Malkovich.
Humans are so stupid!
Spinach & Oxen: The aftermath of Popeye vs. Paul Bunyan.
Today’s special? Why yes, its pea soup.
Damn, the Republicans were right… Green Jobs suck!
You’re gonna’ have to reblend it, guys. This batch of Soylent Green’s got lumps.
Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?
Cow rental: $125 per day.
5,000 gallons of split pea soup: $25,000.
Winning front row tickets to the sold-out Insane Clown Posse show: Priceless.
Sprout was never quite the same after Jolly’s horrific combine accident…
Every year during the festival of the goddess of pureed spinach, man and beast alike are invited to bathe in the sacred palak paneer.
I was told this was a par 4.
Internally, Joe gloated over being the first person to reach Stage 8 of the Vegan hierarchy….then the delicious cow appeared, and he realized he was back where he started.
i don’t have a caption, but i got an image of a field of yaks grazing, sped up through time lapse photography, with yakity sax playing as the audio. can anyone make it so?
Neither of us has yet to find ONE PIECE of ham.
Tell Reagan it finally trickled down!
a rare photograph from Muammar Gaddafi’s private miniature golf course
It’s Not Easy Being Green
Ummmm…. was that me? Or was that you…?
I think I’m gonna yak!
Diner: “Waiter, there’s a bull in my guacamole.”
Waiter: “Shh!! Not so loud… all the other people will want one.”
Still cleaner than New Jersey
It looks like Snooki had a boy
It’s give peace a chance.
So, we’re exporting ‘green slime’ now? Think the cow knows where it comes from though.
No, I ordered the vegetarian red curry
Moooooooo!!! (which is cow for “photobomb biatch”)….
One cow, no cup.
Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?
Split Pea or Lentil? I always forget the difference.
I just LOOVE pesto!
I didn’t think he had it in him.
Waiter….! There’s a human in my pea soup!
Now you know where that Wheatgrass Juice comes from.
Local residents take advantage of the annual flooding of the Split Pea River.
Obviously nobody informed this man the pond was located in the middle of the world’s largest population of bulimic water buffalo.
Holly river of Cud Batman! Utility belt my ass outta this mess!
Waiter! There’s a guy in my soup.
I’ve got to lay off the fermented grass!
Boy, when they said it was a thick, pea-souper, they weren’t kidding!
Ireland, we’ve got 40 shades of the stuff….
“Hehe, I pooped”
“May the power of Christ compel you!”
Paul was relieved he’d eventually agreed to donning a cow costume for ‘Shrek: The Big Sneeze’.
An oasis of pea soup is still an oasis.
Frolick with your power animal in our organic jojoba baths.
Tragedy struck today as India’s largest pea soup factory exploded sending 187,000 metric tonnes of deliciousness cascading over New Delhi. There were only two survivors.
I’m sorry, waiter? I ordered the LARGE pea soup.
Bargain or not, that’s the last golf lesson I take from a cow.
Linda Blair should never travel.
Look’s like someone said “I don’t know” too many times.
There ain’t no party like a Guacamole Party!
Soylent Green: now available in beef flavor
“He’s naked, you know.”
“Prometheus, are you seeing this?”
“That is NOT what I planted.”
Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up swilling pond scum.
Well… There goes the neighborhood!
“Waiter! There’s a guy in my soup!”
“Oh fine….Now you find your contact lens….”
“I guess those Adult Depenz don’t hold as much as they say they do…..”
“Yep. Still made of People”
We obviously took a wrong turn at Algae – rea
Mom and Dad Spring Break ’98
The scientists said all life came from a primordial ooze, but I didn’t believe them until now!
“Whatever you do, do NOT pull his tail!”
Remade classics, “The Old Man and the Pee”.
“I’ve had it up to here with your crap!”
Soylent Green is people….and cows.
“My turn now, watch this: CANONBALLLLLL”
“You know, I just can’t seem to get it through my head that it’s Thursday.”
mad cows and englishmen go out in the midday scum
Confucius say … man who swim with cow get pat on head …
I don’t always drink pea soup, but when I do, I swim in it too. Stay thirsty, my friends.