Spiral-cut your wieners for good topology, excellent condiment retention, and extra caramelization

The Chow Video folks make a VERY good case for spiral-cutting one's wieners.

Why You Should Spiral-Cut Your Wiener - CHOW Tip (via Reddit)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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nixiebunny

Having just watched a kosher frank get circumcised on Jon Stewart, I don’t know if I can take this.
Antinous / Moderator

No mustard? That’s inhuman. This really makes me want a Polish dog right now.
- foobar
  
  Relish has mustard in it if it’s any good.
- http://twitter.com/Steambrew Bruce Townley
  
  Vienna Beef’s your man then: http://www.viennabeef.com/products/item.asp?product_id=3
Marky

Great idea, an excellent, right to the point how-to, with some fine supporting explanations on why to do this. I’ll be trying this out this weekend.

After I clean the vomit off my monitor. That man put ketchup on that dog!
biztheclown

Idea=10

Ketchup on hotdog=0
http://theladyfingers.blogspot.com/ Ladyfingers

Hot peach chutney is where it’s at.

Also, Americans, it’s pronounced “Vienna”.
- BenStroup
  
  Haw haw haw americans r so dum they don iven noe the capitul of australia
  
  Really, though. Things have different names in different places. It’s going to be alright.
- twianto
  
  It may be spelled “Wiener” but it’s pronounced “Frankfurter”… at least in Wien, err, Vienna. “Wiener” is what those damn Germans and Yanks (or is it “Amis”?) use ;)
  - http://theladyfingers.blogspot.com/ Ladyfingers
    
    Where I’m from (South Africa, and then Australia), frankfurters and wieners were fairly different sausages.
    
    Hotdogs of any stripe, by the way, are a pretty poor substitute for a boerewors roll with some hot chutney and onion. If you have a South African butcher nearby, heartily recommended.
    - MrWoods
      
      Great, just great, now I’m gonna spend all day finding a source in Chicago to buy Boerewors. And based on my research I’m gonna need to find Mrs Ball’s Chutney and learn to cook Chakalaka too. Life was easier when my sausage horizons were more limited.
      - http://theladyfingers.blogspot.com/ Ladyfingers
        
        You shouldn’t have much trouble ordering the chutney, and us saffirs are everywhere, so a boerewors-carrying butchery in a major city really shouldn’t be a problem. There are lots in Sydney.
        
        Pick up some biltong too, if you can. Vastly superior to jerky.
      - Over the River
        
        If you are willing to buy by mail:
        http://www.800biltong.com/thestore/index.htm
        
        They are also sold “locally”, listed here:
        http://www.800biltong.com/wheretobuy2.htm
        
        I like:
        
        Q: If I don’t like the flavors of your products, can I get a refund or replacement?
        
        A: No. Not liking our flavors does not qualify you for a refund or replacement.
- GuyInMilwaukee
  
  No no no, it’s spelled, “Raymond Luxury Yacht,” but it’s pronounced, “Throat Warbler Mangrove”.
  - Rich Keller
    
    Something tells me that this spiral cut thing won’t work on Klement’s bratwursts.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Estes/1046705303 Travis Estes
      
      I don’t see how this could work on a brat. Cutting the casing on an uncooked brat would ruin the whole thing. Hotdogs are not dependent on their casing when they’re raw.
- https://plus.google.com/104067355242126774300/posts?hl=en Dennis Smith
  
  http://www.firefoods.co.uk/product/infinity-and-beyond-chilli-sauce/ THIS is where it’s at. Seriously.
http://goodsharer.com/ Aloisius

Pfft. You anti-ketchup people (Chicagans?) don’t know what you’re missing.

A good ketchup (one with low or no sugar added) adds a nice acidity and pairs nicely with mustard.
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  Yeah, but ketchup and relish? Why not just drizzle some chocolate syrup on there?
  - http://hearta.blogspot.com/ trishredhop
    
    mm, okay.
- Rich Keller
  
  Yes, we do know what we’re missing, because that’s how we ate them when we were nine years old. ;)
  
  I tease my wife about putting ketchup on hot dogs. But if you want to die soon, but happy, you put port wine cheddar spread on the bun before putting the wiener in there.
  - tinydancer
    
    I have the palate of a grade-schooler. I have been known to put a Kraft single and a boatload of ketchup on a hotdog.
- vrplumber
  
  Soaking the bun in butter and then deep-frying the whole thing is the way to go.
http://twitter.com/gratefulvideo gratefulvideo

Ketchup and onions are must a real hot dog. Also it must be charred. Mustard on a hot dog is so wrong.
- http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke
  
  Barbecue sauce is ketchup only better. Kind of like when you build an annex onto one of your buildings in an RTS and now all your units cloak. I prefer Kilauea Fire sauce — it’s like BBQ+Hot Sauce!
  - GuyInMilwaukee
    
    Agreed… Sweet Baby Ray’s on a good dog is awesome.
- http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael
  
  ketchup pairs very poorly with mayo, although not so poorly with sriracha-mayo
Rob Masters

Okay… I guess I’m an outlier with hot chilli sauce and hot English mustard, then…
- http://theladyfingers.blogspot.com/ Ladyfingers
  
  Why should any relish be less than searingly hot? I don’t understand people.
voiceinthedistance

Ever since that issue of RE/Search magazine came out, you know the one, I haven’t been able to have this sort of conversation. Kittens. I need to look at some kittens now. Stat.
- http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke
  
  Modern Primitives? I don’t remember anyone doing this to their wang, although it wouldn’t surprise me in the case of Fakir Mustafar.
  - voiceinthedistance
    
    That’s the one. Fakir didn’t try it, because it was already split lengthwise. Had he only waited . . .
Alpacaman

I don’t get you anti ‘ketchup’ people – here in NZ tomato sauce on sausages is an institution!

Call us a nation of heretics, but we will fight for this cause.
- Alpacaman
  
  And onions. And mustard if you are a bit alty.
  - http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns
    
    Sounds like my kind of place.
  - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1018034282 Adele Andrews
    
    yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
http://twitter.com/SeanCollinsSTL Seán Collins

I wonder if the browning of a hot dog really is the result of caramelization, as the SpiralDogDood claimed, or—as I suspect—the result of the Maillard reaction, which brings us such culinary awesomeness as roasted coffee, bread crust, and malted barley.

(But who knows what’s in a hot dog?)

Also, there should be a Maillard Festival somewhere.
- BenStroup
  
  “Caramelization” is usually lazy shorthand for the Maillard reaction.
  
  BUT YES. MAILLARD FESTIVAL. I AM IN FULL SUPPORT.
  - http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael
    
    It should be held at the Fillmore.
- http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns
  
  Typically hotdogs and other fine ground sausages have flour added to them to keep them from lumping up or falling apart like hamburger.
- bcsizemo
  
  I’d doubt it is either one. I can caramelize onions in a pan, but put them on a grill and they char. Really most things that have been grilled directly over the fire seem more charred than any sort of browning. More like a progression of searing (just turning) to full blown burnt (how my father likes them).
  - Greg Miller
    
    I think that means you’re trying to cook them too hot, whenever I do onions on the grill (typically cut an onion into 8 pieces and put a skewer through it) I put them on low heat and leave them there, and they turn out amazingly delicious, and definitely caramelized.
  - http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael
    
    I can caramelize onions in a pan,
    or put them on a grill so they char
    and never, never, never let you forget
    I’m a man.
Michael Grosberg

This is how they sell them in china (Beijing, anyway), they’re spiral cut and on a skewer.
- Jonathan Roberts
  
  I’m not sure it was mentioned in the article, but I’m pretty sure that’s because it cooks faster, besides being more aesthetically pleasing.
gws

Yes, the spiral-cut hot dog looks like a suitable vehicle for sriracha sauce.
Ben Hull

Not such an issue on something skinny and homogenous like a vienna sausage, but there’s a very good argument for never cutting or piercing the skin of a sausage until you’re ready to eat it: the fat, as it liquifies, percolates through the rest of the filling and cooks it evenly (and lubes, and flavours) from the inside. If you’ve got thick, coarse textured sausages – don’t poke em!
- http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns
  
  It’d be ok if it says skinless on the package right?
http://twitter.com/HubrisSonic HubrisSonic

Hotdog=Mustard, Hamburger=Ketchup.

This looks great, I am going to do the same to my weiner.. wait, I’ll come in again.
bigdig

If you don’t have skewers at hand or just find that technique tricky, you can get a similar effect just by making a few oblique slashes down opposite sides of each link. Sort of like a feather stick, only you don’t need to make nearly as many cuts. Street vendors in Oaxaca (and presumably elsewhere) do this, and it’s great.

Also great is the Oaxacan combo of diced onion and lime-soaked jalapeño slices on a bacon-wrapped grilled dog.
- Godfree
  
  I’ll have what he’s having.
ImmutableMichael

“Topological Sausage”. As good as it looks, it’ll never live up to the promise of those two words strung together.
Jason Melvin

I’m not sure topology is accurate descriptor of the change. Isn’t the topology of a spiral-cut hotdog the same as a factory-fresh hotdog? It does seem like a great idea though.
millie fink

Interesting technique, but will it help me get past my disgust over what’s in the hot dog?
KingManduca

But how does this effect the hot dog’s greatest feature? The snap you get when you bite through the natural casing? Spiral hot dog ain’t got no snap!
- http://devojane.blogspot.com devophill
  
  That hot dog ain’t got no casing either, so it’s a push.
http://www.facebook.com/jkonrath Jon Konrath

I think they’re trying to ban this in San Francisco, although maybe I’m skimming the news too fast.
IvonaPoyntz

Looks good
http://ravenlunatick.wordpress.com/ ravenlunatick

Wahhh! I miss hotdogs. Vegetarian hotdogs are barfy.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Shane-Fromaggio/100000439418683 Shane Fromaggio
  
  Have you tried Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs? All my meat-eating friends love them as much as I do.
  - http://ravenlunatick.wordpress.com/ ravenlunatick
    
    no. I’m not sure they are available where I am…but I’ll check it out. I used to eat Schneider’s Ah Natural veggie dogs, but they stopped making them.
http://www.facebook.com/albied Albie Dunn

These all sound like good ways to dress a hot dog. I’m not going to dis anyone’s condiment choices. Sometimes I eat hot dogs with Sriracha, mayonaise, and green peppers.
Brad H.

I have not met a frank I liked, detest the skin and the way that a lot are served boiled. If it is nestled in between a square piece of toast that is just hell for me.

Give me a grilled bratwurst or spekwors anyday. And don’t you dare pierce it!
- penguinchris
  
  I don’t get hot dogs either. There’s really nothing about them that tastes good and the various textures involved don’t work together, at all.
  
  Any chance you’re a geologist at UCSB? If so, we share a German last name (and a job) and a preference for German sausages :)
  - Brad H.
    
    Hah, no. I am a beer journalist from a different West Coast (Australia). But I do love rocks and Western Australia has a lot of interesting ones.
    
    I know a lot about German and South African meats because my butcher happens to be both. I just got some blutwurst from him, so much better than the British stuff.
Walt Guyll

If you don’t have a grill but love the delicious high carbon footprint effect, stick the dogs in some container, with onions and peppers if you like, in a 400+ degree oven for 15 -20 minutes or until the smoke alarm tells you they’re ready.
http://www.xradiograph.com/ OtherMichael

Coincidentally, we were already planning on grilling hotdogs last night, so I started slicing them up when I got home. I was just pushing a third onto the skewer when my skeptical wife said “you aren’t going to ruin ALL of them, are you?”

Despite some poor cutting on my part, the semi-spiral-dogs were springy and delicious.
http://twitter.com/szescstopni szescstopni

In Poland this way of cutting sausages has been known for years. Some know it as “kiełbasa po harcersku”, scout style sausage. Much better than the reverse Polish sausage http://xkcd.com/645/