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Russia's nuclear sledgehammers

Cory Doctorow at 6:42 am Sat, Jun 30, 2012

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Russia's nuclear missile bunkers reportedly come standard-issue with a sledgehammer whose designated purpose is smashing open the safe containing the launch-codes, should the combination not work:

The sledgehammer's existence first came to light in 1980, when a group of inspecting officers from the General Staff visiting Strategic Missile Forces headquarters asked General Georgy Novikov what he would do if he received a missile launch order but the safe containing the launch codes failed to open.

Novikov said he would “knock off the safe’s lock with the sledgehammer” he kept nearby, the spokesman said.

Russian Missile Forces Have ‘Safe Busting’ Sledgehammer (via Super Punch)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE:  military • russia • weapons

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  • knappa

    Then why lock them in the first place?

    • http://disqus.com/Kimmoth/ Kimmo

      Why lock your front door, when a burglar can just break a window?

      • knappa

        They don’t need to break the window, you’ve provided them with glass cutters.

        • awjt

          Just put all the good stuff out on the lawn and go to bed.  Worry less.

        • http://disqus.com/Kimmoth/ Kimmo

          If you’re that keen on the contents of somebody’s house, you can always drive a car into it…

          What fuzzyfuzzyfungus said below.

    • fuzzyfuzzyfungus

      Two threads of explanation:

      1. Official Policy(tm) requires a Secure Solution, but didn’t actually provide the necessary resources for it to work. Peons on the ground proceeded to improvise in a manner that violates absolutely everything except the letter of the Secure Solution.(this one is the empirically plausible one)

      2. Tamper evidence and built-in delay. Can you smash your way into a safe? Sure, no problem. Can you un-smash the safe thereafter? No. Can you smash a safe quickly and quietly before your submarine colleagues notice that you are attempting to use a sledgehammer to fire ze missiles? Probably not. Thus, the safe can still be opened if jammed; but it is substantially more difficult for any unauthorized party to covertly access the system without alerting the entire ship.

      • StCredZero

        Sounds about right. I have heard and read a number of references to Russian T-34 tank drivers keeping hammers near the driver’s seat to operate their gearshifts. 

        • ocker3

           That’s precision engineering that is!

          • Preston Sturges

            Precision is when you use the little hammer

  • soylent_plaid

    But if your safes can be opened just by smashing the lock with a hammer, then… oh nevermind.   It’s not like they’re storing something *important*.

    • jwkrk

      Reminds me of a story Richard Feynman wrote about when he was working at Los Alamos on the Manhattan Project.  Being an amateur safe cracker, he found that many of the safes used to keep nuclear secrets (at the time, the Biggest Secret Ever) still had the factory default (mostly Army generals’ safes) or easily guessed combinations (like 27-18-28, the first 6 digits of ‘e’, the natural logarithm base) for the physicists.  

      He’d open them and put notes inside.  Nuclear hilarity ensued…

      • SoItBegins

         And, the Army’s solution to that was to send around a questionnaire. It said:

        > Have you seen Richard Feynman around your office?

        If the recipients responded yes, they got a note saying,

        > Change the combination to your safe.

        Which kind of misses the point…

  • http://twitter.com/bigattichouse bigattichouse

    Ahh.. but it’s too much *trouble* to walk waaay over there …. so the idea is to inconvenience lazy evil people enough that they don’t launch the missles.

  • SomeGuyNamedMark

    The US would have a 5 million dollar special remote lock control system with its own computer system and specially trained operators.

    • AirPillo

      Are we thinking about the same US? The nuclear launch authorization code for strategic air command was “000000000000″ until 1977. We basically didn’t even bother to change the default password until then.

      http://youtu.be/ebhCTiL8aSQ

      • http://twitter.com/incarnedine_v Dan Hibiki

         it’s genius really, who would believe a spy that reported the most important password was essentially “password”? He’d be laughed out of the KGB.

      • fuzzyfuzzyfungus

        Probably one of the earlier recorded instances of conflict between users and the IT department over password policies…

        Congress: “WTF? No passwords on your nuclear missiles? I wouldn’t trust you with a hotmail account!”

        SAC: “Having to remember passwords is objectively Soft on Communism.”

        Congress: “Passwords. Now.”

        SAC: “Fine, our super secure passwords are 12 characters long. Happy now, pricks?”

      • SomeGuyNamedMark

        You’re right, I should’ve said 50 million

        • Tore Sinding Bekkedal

          Observe the presence of a safe in the procedure in the US video.

      • asuffield

        That wasn’t about “not bothering”, it was about complying with the letter of the rules while firmly opposing their intent. The military did not want to have an authorization code, so they said “yes Mr President, we have installed an authorization code device” and used an insecure code.

  • Atvaark

    Just keep the sledgehammer in a locked safe.

  • Pag

    Any safe can be picked, so the safe is just the last line of defense to protect the codes (and the system launching the missiles). The sledgehammer is just there to make it possible to get to the code faster than having to find a locksmith. It doesn’t really change how fast an attacker could get to the code — after all, somebody intent on getting it could bring their own sledgehammer.

  • http://noctilucent-studios.blogspot.com/ Noctilucent Studios

    Anyone else read this and think it was the hammer itself that was an atomic weapon? I seem to recall something about a nuclear shoulder fired device back in the day…

    • http://twitter.com/LennStar_de LennStar

      Sort of thought the same. 
      A suicide bomber with the bomb hidden in the hammer and when he hammers the hammer on the ground… BIG BANG

    • silkox

      Each sledgehammer head is just sub-critical: hit two of them together and…

    • http://twitter.com/Prentiz Richard Coates

      Noctilucent – you’re referring to the US’ Davy Crocket Nuclear Bazooka!  
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Crockett_(nuclear_device)

    • malindrome

      This is how they split atoms during Soviet times.

      • neurolux

         Abraham Lincoln used his hatchet.

    • ocker3

       Either that or the hammer itself was radioactive, having been made from recycled Hot metal, just like we do with smoke detectors, etc

  • Frank Diekman

    (Nathan Explosion voice):  “Nuclear Sledgehammers”, good song title.

    • malindrome

      This one’s called “Murmaider“.  It’s about mermaid murder.

  • http://disqus.com/Kimmoth/ Kimmo

    What kind of handle is that on it?

    Kinda looks like steel reo.

    • andygates

       I was thinking the same. Soviet sledgehammers are too tough for prissy capitalist pig-dog moisturized hands!

      • http://disqus.com/Kimmoth/ Kimmo

        It’s pretty damn macho.

  • Thomas Shaddack

    MJOLNIR!!!

    Also, reminds me of the “00000000″ code of the American “Permissive Action Link”.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/00000000

  • exile

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH6i2Z6mTRE&feature=player_detailpage#t=363s

  • ElRonbo

    The idea is that someone can’t access the codes, copy them, and put them back with no one knowing – you have to smash the safe open. 

  • Thomas Shaddack

    In Soviet Russia, atom splits YOU!

  • http://www.aarongilliland.com/ Aaron Gilliland

    Note that the U.S. Minuteman launch control centres kept the codes in a small metal box with two padlocks on it.  

    Not as formidable as a safe, but a missile couldn’t launch unless it received launch orders from two separate capsules (or a single capsule with code hardware from two capsules, blah blah).

  • Wreckrob8

    I hope the sledgehammer is kept close to the hard hat, ear defenders, goggles, steel toe caps and gloves with the proper health and safety regulations properly displayed. We wouldn’t want someone to have an accident now, would we?

    • Shinkuhadoken

      Sort of like administering rubbing alcohol before a lethal injection.

  • Bevatron Repairman

    I could totally see Michael Madsen going to town on John Spencer with this in a Quentin Tarantino remake of Wargames.  TURN THE KEY, SIR!  *smash*  SIR!  Turn the key.  *oof*

  • awjt

    I wonder if that’s a Russian finger… a White Russian finger [in the pic.]

  • Zadaz

    Ah, I get it. The safe is just a tamper-proof envelope. Neat!

  • Vaughn Marlowe

    I’m reminded of the Yank Air Force officer who visited a Soviet fighter base and found it in great disarray with no seeming order — planes, equipment, and personnel scattered every damn whichaway. “This is a forward combat base,” the Russian C.O. explained. “This is what it will look like ten minutes into a shooting war.” 

  • hacky

    http://cdn.randomfunnypicture.com/wp2/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/fixed-link-with-chain.jpg

  • CommieNeko

    “Will be getting that bay door open even if everyone on Bear Creek is hare lipped getting …”

  • http://twitter.com/incarnedine_v Dan Hibiki

    inscribed in small print on the sledge: Кто проводит этот молот, если он будет достоин, должен обладать силой атомный

    • Evan Glass

       Ah yes I see what you did there, clever Thor reference.

    • Palomino

      ‘Who holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of the atomic.”

      Sweet. Goes along with my R.P.G weapon slant too. 

    • Preston Sturges

      Well that answers the question “Does the hammer have a catchphrase?”

      • Antinous / Moderator

        Does the hammer have a catchphrase?

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7bdr6fjg-k

  • http://twitter.com/writebastard Ian Wood

    Just checking in–has anyone made the Yakov Joke? Ah, yes. Good. Carry on.

  • pjcamp

    Oh man! That is totally not what I thought when I read “nuclear sledgehammer.”

  • http://www.edmstudio.com futnuh

    I dig that knurl.

  • Palomino

    That has got to be the coolest name for an RPG Weapon! 

  • Tore Sinding Bekkedal

    It reminds me of the US practice of setting the launch codes to all zeros, which continued for many years. The personnel were simply not comfortable with the requirement for operating command and control.

  • AlexG55

    I imagine that the safe was built strongly enough that forcing your way in with a hammer would take a while and make a lot of noise, which would presumably bring someone to stop you if you weren’t supposed to be getting in there.

  • David Lavictoire

    You guys made me snopes that 00000000 launch code thing. 

  • RayCornwall

    Soviet Nuclear Sledgehammers is my new favorite potential punk band name.

  • Bilsko

    Sounds a lot like what we used to do with our own nuclear devices here in the US:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scram#Etymology

  • Uwe von Kempen

    I don’t think, that’s sooo easy to fire a missile. You must have the correct depth, open the hatches, power on the controls, charge the batteries, increase pressures, etc..
    The correct codes are only a single step in a very long sequence. I guess it takes far more than half an hour of meticulous work of many people, if there is no preparation before.

    Btw, can it be that this hammer is used more generally? If some other lock has to be opened, when the owner looses the keys somewhere? For example, if the key for the toilet-paper cabinet is broken, then use the “universal picklock”, which is also suitable for the safe with launch-codes.

  • Ryan Lenethen

    Probably works better than the sickle would anyway…