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Charles Carreon: "Mission accomplished"

Cory Doctorow at 9:40 pm Tue, Jul 3, 2012

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Hours ago, Rob brought you the news that Charles Carreon had voluntarily dismissed his dumbass lawsuit against webcomic The Oatmeal, its creator Matthew Inman, and the charities he'd nominated to receive more than $220,000 sent by people who thought that Carreon (and his client, FunnyJunk) were full of lima beans, the American Cancer Society and the National Wildlife Federation.

At the time, Rob asked, "What will the new dawn bring?"

The answer is here: Charles Carreon has told Ars Technica that he was the victor in the lawsuit, using the phrase "Mission accomplished" (seemingly without irony).

Ken at Popehat notes that Carreon's withdrawal is not binding -- he could drag Inman and co back into court at any time and that he might still sue for "fees" (that is, the money he charged himself for acting as his own lawyer) Ken clarifies: Inman could sue Carreon for fees. Ken thinks that Carreon will be back. There's also a weird, possibly (almost certainly) bogus lawsuit filed against Carreon by Inman, or someone pretending to be him. Wow.

Back to Carreon, who told Ars's Megan Geuss,

But if the defendants pursued attorney's fees, the attention might be worth it for Charles Carreon. After asking for comment on his voluntary dismissal of charges, Carreon lilted over the phone, "I'm famous, I'm notorious." Which, from the looks of it, is exactly what he wants.

Carreon claims victory, drops his lawsuit against The Oatmeal et al.

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE:  christ what an asshole • funyjunk • law • well-fed troll

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  • satn

    Time for Anon to find his dirty secrets and make that new fame a nightmare.

    • Michael Crockett

      We’re on it 

      • steviusthedevious

        Michael Crockett ≠ “anonymous”

  • MB44

    “he might still sue for “fees” (that is, the money he charged himself for acting as his own lawyer).”
    Is this uhhhhh, is this real? If it is I plan on suing myself tomorrow. I will take myself to court, beat myself, and then sue myself for the fees that I charged myself while suing myself. After that I will then sue myself for the fees that I incurred while suing myself for suing myself. Get the idea? Good. I have been looking for stable income for years. “Find a way to get paid for doing what you love,” they said. 

    • knappa

      Er, you would also be paying the fees…

      • MB44

        No I wouldn’t. I would be paying the fees.

        • http://twitter.com/Stoutlagger Rob

          I like the way you think. It makes me think of the way I think.

        • knappa

          touché

    • Daneel

      I believe people have sued themselves before:
      http://www.deseretnews.com/article/414175/INMATE-SUES-HIMSELF-FOR-5-MILLION.html?pg=all

      http://www.loweringthebar.net/2011/04/the-man-who-sued-himself.html

  • Jake0748

    Oh Em Gee.  Carreon=Looney Tune – after all. 

  • Ken At Popehat

    Cory:  Just two quick notes.  First, I was talking about Inman seeking fees.  Carreon couldn’t seek fees unless he re-files and wins.  Second, I’m 99.999% sure that suit isn’t filed by Inman.   Sorry if I was unclear on either.

    • daveistrad

      Nothing unclear in your post at Popehat. Thanks for the updates!

    • Cory Doctorow

       Thanks!

  • Thom Little

    Hey, a thought to ponder in all of this: How many of the people siding with Inman in his original complaint against FunnyJunk have a bunch of illegally downloaded songs and/or films on their computer/other device – right now?

    I’d bet it’s a really, really high number. And that’s funny.

    • satn

      difference would be that I’m not making money off of those things, Funnyjunk could have via increased traffic flow and ad revenue.

      • http://twitter.com/LitThom Little Australia

        Theft only matters if you’re making money off it? And hypocrisy isn’t hypocrisy unless you make money off it?

        • ldobe

          Copyright infringement is NOT theft.  Theft is specifically defined in US law in such a way that it can only be claimed if the “thief” deprives the “victim” of access to what was theirs.  Copyright infringement leaves the original intact, and doesn’t deprive the creator of their works.  Therefore it’s not theft.  Quit calling it that.  It’s like calling a moose a horse.  Not the same, no matter how many times you repeat it.

          update to Little Australia:
          I agree with the latter half of your point, also I’m sure I have internet asperger’s or something. I don’t tend to be a nitpicking asshole in real life… As far as I can tell.

          • http://twitter.com/LitThom Little Australia

            Could you be more obtuse? Okay, I should have said “copyright infringement.” As if that has anything to do with my point.

          • Antinous / Moderator

            Could you be more obtuse?

            It’s really never a good idea to offer challenges like that online.

        • http://redesigned.com redesigned

           Actually Little Australia, ldobe’s point has EVERYTHING to do with it.

          Copyright Infringement is not theft or stealing and never has been.  It also has something called a Fair Use clause in many countries.  Maybe you’ve heard of it?

          IMHO there is nothing obtuse about understanding what is being discussed and making a valid point that is obviously being missed altogether.

        • http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby

          If you knew anything about copyright law then you’d know that redistribution and sale is everything.

          Duplicating something only carries a potential for loss of income to the righs holder, reselling something literally steals a sale.

          Also I’m not entirely sure why this is relevant, unless those people are also taking the rights holders to court…

      • http://twitter.com/LitThom Little Australia

        That’s still me, by the way – resigned in via Twitter.

    • http://www.twitter.com/eselqueso eselqueso

      OMG CAN NOT STOP LAUGHING, SOOOO FUNNY, REALLY,,,,

      • http://twitter.com/LitThom Little Australia

        I know, right? I’m like Lupus CK!

    • austinhamman

       its not the theft, its the lack of citation that irritates me. if you wanna download someone elses work cool have at it, if you wanna put it on your site fine but credit the author, if you wanna put it on your site, make money off of it, and not even credit the author you are a dick.

      • http://twitter.com/LitThom Little Australia

        Are you unaware that a really lot of people -many musicians, for example – disagree with you completely? 

        • Mark Lee McDonald

          Are you unaware that a large number of other people – many musicians, for example – disagree with you completely

        • nixiebunny

          My musician friends are too busy handing me mix tapes to care.

        • http://redesigned.com redesigned

          only the shills that have bought the RIAA’s BS while being ripped off by the RIAA.  Most artists understand that the system is broken, make their money off of live shows, and appreciate their fans.  They also realize the 1:1 relation between their biggest purchasers and downloaders.  Of course that is only the educated musicians, there are shills and gullible people in all walks of life, even some musicians, *gasp*

    • Fnordius

      Illegal? You make it sound like downloading kiddie porn or something.

      Oh, and I would take that bet, as a huge number of “illegal” copies of songs are actually copies of legally bought media, or copies acquired by legal means. I have a huge number of free MP3 files, but for the record I got them either from the artist’s website or from websites that specialised in free music. In fact, more of  my media is purchased now than in my misspent youth with its cassette tapes.

      And like austinhamman wrote, the main complaint against Funnyjunk was the slow speed and byzantine methods the site owner had set up, making it almost impossible for Matt to say “hey, I drew that and whoever posted that picture stripped out all citation!”, and if Carreon hadn’t pulled such a boneheaded move on FunnyJunk’s behalf, that would have been the end of it.

      Finally, you’re off topic so much I have a sneaking suspicion that you are James Carreon or one of the FunnyJunk owners. You smell of fnords, my friend.

    • Martijn Vos

      How dare you? You’re smearing my good name. I request that you pay me $20,000.

  • http://twitter.com/jinchoung jin choung

    eff and inman should just counter sue and litigate carreon into an impact crater so deep he can’t ever climb out.  just go scorched earth on him, salt his fields and don’t rest until he’s just extirpated from human discourse.

    • Martijn Vos

      Note that there already seems to be this bizarre counter suit:

      http://www.popehat.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/PurportedInmanComplaint.pdf

    • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

      Carreon delenda est. 

  • nixiebunny

    I have read that any publicity is good publicity, but this is stretching it.

    I’ve also read that it’s best to keep one’s mouth shut when one’s competence is doubted, as opening it removes the doubt.

    • billstewart

      “Any publicity is good publicity” is only true if they spell your name right.  Like Canter and Siegel, we’ll probably remember Carreon for a while, but not in any good way.

      Also, don’t trolls turn to stone if they’re out in the daylight?  Carreon could be really close to solidifying, if he doesn’t liquidate first…

  • SoItBegins

    Infamous, more like it!

  • OldBrownSquirrel

    Now, who’s interested in hiring a batshit-crazy lawyer?

    • hakuin

      In America?

    • http://redesigned.com redesigned

      Anyone who has a batshit case, lots of money, and doesn’t mind looking like an a-hat for their 15min of fame…unfortunately they do exist.  i know right?  *sighs*  sad but true.

  • http://twitter.com/LitThom Little Australia

    A bright spot for Matthew Inman is that he is now known by millions upon millions more people. He will, I’m sure, do more than the $500,000 worth of business he did last year in the upcoming. 

  • austinhamman

    carreon:”trolololololololololol”

    • chaopoiesis

      I win.

  • http://imcravingpresidency.tumblr.com/ SedanChair

    Dammit, this is the same thing as the Kony 2012 guy. It’s no fun if the guys you’re going after turn out to be nuttier than a motherfucking nut cake

    • chaopoiesis

      Variation on the Turing test: given an NTAMNC, determine whether they’re bonafide or bullshitting.

    • RJ

      “Nuttier than squirrel shit.”

  • joeposts

    Cripes, what a bunghole!

  • Dael Morris

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Knight_(Monty_Python)
    charles carreon’s wikipedia page 

    • cory ferrier

       I love you

  • Nicky G

    I know it’s wrong on every level, but part of me wants to put Carreon on retainer, just so I can be like, “Don’t fuck with me, man — my lawyer is fucking INSANE.” Hah!

    • http://twitter.com/fossilfuels Funk Daddy

      LoL, until they reply with ice and “My lawyer is rich”

  • Josh Barnhill

    I’m going to assume that he isn’t crazy and that he’s just trying to spin an awful situation the best he can so that he looks like a kooky wildcard and not just a prick and a bad lawyer, because people don’t pay bad lawyers.

    • http://twitter.com/fossilfuels Funk Daddy

      A surprising number do. I was a jury foreperson for a DUI case once wherein the defendant became the victim in the end. A lawyer he met (at a bar) convinced him he could get him off despite a failed breathalyzer at the scene and admissions he had been driving home from a bar where he had a shot and 6 beers to chase it.

      He was stone cold guilty, we found him so and the judge went full monty in sentencing for wasting the courts time for 2 1/2 days of bullshit testimony.

      So he got jail time followed by probation with community service and a fine. AND I learned later, was on the hook for $2000 to the crappy lawyer.

      Even bad lawyers know there’s one born every minute. Being able to get through law school proves you’ve the ability to at least harvest those.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Drop/100000929402049 Robert Drop

        Sure people will hire bad lawyers not knowing that they’re bad.  The problem here is that Carreon is hoping to capitalize on his internet infamy, which means anyone who is now aware of him that wasn’t previously is also aware that he’s incompetent.  Doesn’t seem like a winning strategy to me.

        • http://twitter.com/fossilfuels Funk Daddy

          I agree, his prospects for clients now resemble that poor schmuck in the story, and poor schmucks have less ability to pay or have no credible reasons to sue someone else for pay.

  • That_Anonymous_Coward

    The Paul Christoforo School of PR expresses profound respect for their most recent graduate.

    I go back to my original idea about Carreon… he saw his wikipedia page flagged for deletion and decided to fix that….

  • ImmutableMichael

    So that’s two strikes for the phrase”mission accomplished” then.

    Anyone want to offer a third. Syria, I’m looking at you….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1317600853 Andrew Tyckoson

    Mission Accomplished  http://imgur.com/4UXET

  • http://www.disoriented.net/ angusm

    There are probably easier ways of letting the whole world know you’re a dickhead, but this certainly got the job done.

  • Severian12

    “”I’m famous, I’m notorious.” 

    This is the mating call of the North American Yellow-Bellied Narcissist. They’re a common breed noted for their plumage. They communicate by bragging and screeching. They’re found in great numbers in their natural habitats: jails, corporate/finance, courtrooms, politics and gutters. Their only known predators are themselves and each other. 

    It’s best to avoid this species as they won’t ever shut the hell up.

    • http://www.gyrofrog.com/ Gyrofrog

       IANAB (Buddhist) but this doesn’t seem particularly Buddhist of him.  It does, perhaps, seem American Buddhist.

      • Severian12

        I see Bootist tendencies in him but no Buddhist ones.

      • haineux

        If you ask a Buddhist, they might tell you that the “Three Poisons” are Anger, Greed, and Ignorance, and that all suffering results from them.

        They might further go on to explain that the root cause of all of this is “Ignorance of The Way Things Really Exist.”

        Need I say more?

        (I’m using subjunctive mood because I’m paraphrasing/simplifying vast concepts to make them fit in a sentence or four.)

  • http://alenonimo.com.br Alenônimo

    I didn’t see Imman photographing MY money to send to charity. And it’s all Cameron’s fault.

    Boy, I wish I could sue him.

  • Bob Dole’s Commie Doppelganger

    To paraphrase the top comment over at the Ars article:

    It looks like Charles Carreon went to the internet crazy guy school of victory definition:

    1. Become aware of thing.
    2. GARGLE WOMBAT AGLET POTATO!!!!
    3. OH GOD IM ON FIRE!!!!
    4. Retreat.
    4.5. Declare victory.

  • elix

    Hey. What did the five defendants say to the nutcase?
    SLAPP!

  • TomLosh

    The image that flashed through my mind when I saw his “mission accomplished” quote was…

  • Huck the Tumbeast

    I guess it is a victory in a way. I mean of course that no one will ever (hopefully) hire him again.