In 2011, Americans were more likely to die by being crushed by their own TV sets than at the hands of terrorists. (via Schneier)

17 Responses to “Furniture hates America”

  1. Stefan Jones says:

    How can we be sure that it isn’t terrorists who are pushing TV sets on top of American citizens? 

  2. Chris Drouin says:

    There’s some pretty major math failure in that article.  3 US citizens out of 978 kidnappings is a rate of 0.3%, not 0.003% (unless each kidnapping event involved an average of about a hundred hostages).  The statistic on those killed by terrorist attacks is similarly off.  Perhaps they learned how to calculate percentages from the cell phone carriers that thought that ’0.05 cents’ was the same as a nickel.

    (This is not to detract from the overall message here, which correctly indicates that you’re very unlikely to be killed or taken hostage by terrorists as a US citizen.)

  3. Bearpaw01 says:

    Obviously, this means we can’t let anyone board a plane if they’re carrying a TV set.

    I’m going to start a company that produces real-time TV detection systems and make a bundle selling them to Homeland Security.

  4. Art Deco says:

    Get it together, terrorists!

  5. huh? i’m confused because TV is a form of terrorism right?

  6. Jellodyne says:

    Heavy old televisions hate our freedoms. We’re pretty sure we’ve located the real culprit behind all these deaths. It was the Higgs boson particles which allowed that furniture to be crushingly massive.

  7. digi_owl says:

    I do wonder what the state by state distribution is on all this.

  8. Brandon Wright says:

    This only begs the question of whether or not we need body scanners to detect rogue furniture, I mean, its furniture. Couldn’t we just simplify our search for terrorist furniture with a pat-down?

  9. What was Bill Bailey’s old gag?

    Bush: WE NEED TO STRIKE AT AL QAEDA’S HOME BASE.

    Bailey: YEAH, GET EM WHERE THEY BUY THEIR OUTDOOR FURNITURE!

  10.  Inconcievable why not more is being done to combat this! Every single casualty of furniture is one too many, and we must do all we can to prevent this! If spending 50 Zillion Dollars per year will reduce this by half a percent, then that is what it’s gonna take!

  11. robdobbs says:

    In 2011, Americans were more likely to die by ANYTHING other than at the hands of a terrorist.
    Really, I’d like to know what’s less dangerous than a terrorist – statistically. 

  12. babVU98i says:

    Ah yes, expect the Television Safety Administration soon to be legislated into existence to employ a bunch of rude goons who come into your house, xray you before you watch TV and seize your popcorn and soda. Drone strikes on Korean factories producing weapons of mass destruction to follow.

  13. We’ll clearly we are not getting attacked by terrorists because of the trillions of dollars that Bush and the likes have protected us with, correct?

  14. oakfurniturebuyer says:

    Simple solution – ban all televisions! We must be safe in our homes. As for cardboard furniture, quite a lot of it isn’t much stronger these days.

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