Comments on: Tight jeans bust balls

By: schrutzki

schrutzki — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 12:34:00 +0000

Standard procedure in 1972:

1 Buy really tight jeans
2 Go home, fill tub with hot water
3 Squeeze into jeans
4 Squeeze into tub
5 Shrink to fit for 10 minutes
6 Let jeans dry on body.
7 Adjust dressing/undressing time by ten minutes

And yes, parents and papers (not neccessarily in that order) absolutely warned of permanent damage to the procreational functionality. Well, thinking about it, it might indeed explain Germany’s demographical problem.

By: Antinous / Moderator

Antinous / Moderator — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 08:28:00 +0000

Yeah. The place where I live now has a ‘cadet’, which is the rather short, round, old-fashioned toilet bowl. Very unpleasant contact situations happening there.

By: benher

benher — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 08:04:00 +0000

Nobody wants to hear this, but I have a similar thing when I sit down on the toilet… my wang hangs straight down and then “drapes” against the bowl side (shudder) unless I go out of my way to sit as far back on the seat as possible.

If I do this on a public toilet by accident it sends hypocondriac shivers up my spine and my only choice is to nuke my glans from orbit.

By: petsounds

petsounds — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 00:56:00 +0000

There’s a big difference between rock n roll jeans and shopping in the womens’ section for stretch pants (see: 70s Jagger versus 80s Jagger). I think most guys who talk shit about guys who wear slim jeans are afraid of their sexuality and unsure of their masculinity and their conformity to a certain standard. Ironically, much of this is driven by the perceptions of masculinity by women.

By: pahool

pahool — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 22:53:00 +0000

Ain’t nothin’ like a fresh pair of baggies!

By: swlabr

swlabr — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 22:51:00 +0000

Advice from Morris Day (and the Time):
“Fellas, get rid of those blue jeans and those new-wave pants, and get yourself some baggies. It’s all about freedom… always stay at the hotel with the biggest ball-room. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends wear blue jeans, but I’m just not seen with them. What time is it?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFqnw8_xMXI

By: Antinous / Moderator

Antinous / Moderator — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:54:00 +0000

The 70s, too. And those were probably my loosest pair. 28″ waist, 40″ inseam.

By: Antinous / Moderator

Antinous / Moderator — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:22:00 +0000

That’s like stretch panel pants for pregnant women.

By: Cowicide

Cowicide — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:18:00 +0000

The 80′s was a tight ass time too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79VYktOdAPs

By: penguinchris

penguinchris — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:17:00 +0000

I wear tight jeans sometimes. It’s very hard for me to find pants that fit well and look good (anything even slightly baggy looks awful on me, but so does anything skin-tight of course). Skinny jeans from certain brands fit me great (the term “skinny” isn’t well-defined… some brands put it on skin-tight jeans but not all).

My best-fitting pair is actually a women’s pair of Levi’s. Women’s pants aren’t cut with much room in the crotch area, of course. Fortunately they have some spandex or something woven in with the denim, but they are flush across the crotch. However they are much more comfortable and less restricting than some of the men’s cut jeans I have, somehow. The reason I don’t wear them more often is because the pockets are almost unusably short (which I gather is normal for women’s pants). Might sew in larger pockets some time.

I have gotten a “busted balls” feeling from wearing underwear that was too tight, and I never get that from my tight jeans. Some people take it too far and wear jeans that are actually too small for them, which is the real problem, and that doesn’t even look good either. Skinny-cut jeans by themselves are fine if they fit.

By: Joe Maynard

Joe Maynard — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:13:00 +0000

The moral of the story is always this: just wear clothes that actually fit you, not so tight that they crush your reproductive glands and not so baggy that you stand a serious risk of being caught and pulled into a woodchipper.

By: Cowicide

Cowicide — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:10:00 +0000

Please don’t put style before health.

NEVER!

By: AnthonyC

AnthonyC — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 21:05:00 +0000

This is not universally true. The problems @pierre describes below happen to be as well

By: Gyrofrog

Gyrofrog — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 20:37:00 +0000

“… the current men’s fashion of tight, skinny jeans…”

Is that what they call all these dudes shuffling around with their pants hanging off their asses?

I guess “saggy jeans” must mean wearing them down on one’s ankles, or draped over a piece of furniture.

Maybe it’s just my neck of the woods…

By: Ms. Anne Thrope

Ms. Anne Thrope — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 20:34:00 +0000

Yeap. Happens. Dated a guy whose nickname was One Hung Low. Also tight jeans thanks to a hot kiss with a high school sweetie … who left him “hanging”…a long ride home unfulfilled, very tight jeans, and, well, the nickname. Didn’t lose one, just dropped permanently.

By: toyg

toyg — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 20:31:00 +0000

True, but also true that we know of these side-effects exactly because we’ve already gone through such fads, which produced damaging effects so clear that they’re statistically relevant.

By: Luna

Luna — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 20:18:00 +0000

They tended to be knitted fabric though, didn’t they? Vs. woven as jeans are. At least linen is more breathable than “the devil’s denim” (as my hubby calls jeans).

By: Luna

Luna — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 20:15:00 +0000

I came down here into the comments to say something like this. In the early 80′s tight jeans were it. And as I recall, we didn’t always have the added benefit of lycra/cotton blends at the time for stretch. You just had to squeeze yourself into them. Carefully.

By: Mazoola

Mazoola — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 19:34:00 +0000

A few years back, as I edged up on the big Five Oh, I became concerned I was also edging up to prostate trouble. It didn’t feel like a repeat of the bout with prostatitis I’d suffered ten years before, but every so often I’d have a week or so with a constant dull ache down around the root chakra. It was if I had swapped out my office chair with the seat from an English racing bike — or was trying to hatch a snooker ball.

Being uninsured, my first reaction was to ignore it and see if it went away; if did, but, distressingly, returned. Drinking more water, saw palmetto capsules (this was before the supplement was pretty much incontrovertibly proven worthless), and working part-time at a standing desk had no effect. Finally, I made an appointment with my GP and started digging change from the sofa cushions so I could pay her.

A couple weeks before my appointment, though, I pulled a box of clothing from storage. Packed away on top I found the pair of black Gap jeans I thought I had on. Confused, I dropped trou — my usual response — and discovered I was actually wearing a pair of women’s Gap jeans, size 7, evidently abandoned by a departing ex.

Since I’ve gone back to wearing only big boy pants, not a twinge.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 19:29:00 +0000

I wonder if this was an epidemic when men wore leggings and the incredibly tight pants in, say, the Victorian era and and during the Renaissance. (Although I think during the Renaissance, the pants were only tight on the legs and more loose in the groin.)

By: Lin Richardson

Lin Richardson — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 19:25:00 +0000

A friend of mine twited one of his and had to go to hospital. No everyone calles him “Twister” and posts stuff like “Twist & Shout” on his facebook wall.

By: pierre

pierre — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 18:33:00 +0000

You apparently dont have huge balls like I do, because I accidentally sit on the boys all the time – especially when I am getting in my car. My balls are so big sometimes when using toilets they reach all the way to the water. Noting like having to wash your balls in a public bathroom.

By: vonbobo

vonbobo — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 18:15:00 +0000

Attention Ladies,
Where did your derriere go?

Love,
Normal Comfortable Jeans

By the way… what a fantastic marketing gimmic. If I had a career in manufacturing anything, I would figure out a way to add “skinny” to the name.
Now- go burn your dumb skinny jeans please! :)

By: Pliny_the_Elder

Pliny_the_Elder — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 18:14:00 +0000

An old housemate of mine passed out on the couch wearing really tight jeans, got testicular torsion, ignored the pain for 2 days, and ended up losing a testicle.

By: Dan Hibiki

Dan Hibiki — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:51:00 +0000

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

By: RadioSilence

RadioSilence — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:36:00 +0000

I once jumped onto the saddle of my bike badly :’(

By: malindrome

malindrome — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:33:00 +0000

Apparently pants came about to prevent leg chaffing for soldiers who were riding all day. Women weren’t expected/allowed to ride that much, so skirts were still workable for them.

By: EH

EH — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:26:00 +0000

I think this story is just a periodic grant con. It occurred in the Disco Era as well.

By: gastronaut

gastronaut — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:09:00 +0000

Hipster jeans cause low sperm counts? Inconceivable!

Also, the term “dad jeans” now means more than I thought it meant.

By: millie fink

millie fink — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:00:00 +0000

Reminds me of the billboard I saw yesterday for Ballroom Jeans.

http://www.duluthtrading.com/store/mens/duluth-ingenuity/mens-ballroom-jeans/mens-ballroom-jeans.aspx