Parking lot baby earns soda sobriquet

A baby born in the Parking lot of a 7-Eleven is to be named Cais "Big Gulps" Malley after the convenience chain's signature soda offering. [Florida Today]


    1. You must be some kind of commie pinko foreigner, the True, Blue, Big Gulp is 64 ounces…

      1. Good eye, I’m Canadian. At our local 7-11 the 64 ounce* cup is the Double Gulp.

        * AKA 1.8 litres

          1.  With friends.

            I was at a picnic yesterday, and someone brought a double gulp of diet black cherry vanilla dr. pepper (I just love writing that out)

  1. Florida. Why am I not surprised…

    Betting pool on kiddo’s insulin resistance age-of-onset?

  2. *facepalm*

    A baby is delivered by his father (with prior EMT training) in a parking lot with help by a 911 operator over the phone.

    That parking lot ‘just happens’ to be owned by 7-Eleven. No employee of 7-Eleven was involved in it (not that credit should go to the franchise if that did happen). And nothing about 7-Eleven itself even helped in the delivery.

    And they decide to nickname the baby with a reference to the big corporate franchise that they just happened to have parked in.

    Man, that kid is not going to enjoy his childhood.

    Move along, just a couple more idiots praising corporations that don’t even care about them other than as PR pawns.

    1. The kid has a nickname — not a legal name — that’s ‘Big Gulp.’  
      But yes, they’re idiots for having a laugh about where their kid was born rather than standing in clench-fist defiance of a chain of convenience stores that sell crappy food at a consumer-friendly price.  Facepalm indeed.

    2.  Apparently you’ve never heard the (unfortunately insulting to Native Americans) “Two Dogs Fucking” joke?

    1. I just had a bad feeling about a possible second meaning of the name “Big Gulp.”  The kid may have to murder a couple of his classmates after one too many rumors/jokes about his sexual orientation in connection to the nickname.

  3. They didn’t give him “Big Gulp” for a middle name. They didn’t give him “Big Gulp” as a nickname. Friends and family did. From TFA:

    “Our friends and family have now nicknamed him ‘Big Gulp,’ ” Tye Malley said. “So far we think it suits him. He was 9 pounds, 10.5 ounces. Makes me have a big gulp when I think about it.”

    And it isn’t pluraized either. Man, I’d expect a story with such a bad summary on Slashdot, but on BoingBoing? Really guys?

    1. Perhaps you’re new to the whole “reading” thing, but the use of quotation marks around a name generally denotes a nickname, particularly when wedged between a given name and a surname.

  4. my middle name was (is?) supposedly Ho, because the day I was born, May 1st 1975, Saigon was officially renamed Ho Chi Minh City. It was tough growing up, when people asked me what my middle name was. I usually said “nothing.”

    edit: hippy/beatnik parents

  5. Why does this make me think of Early Cuyler’s girlfriend and baby mama Krystal?

    You know, from Squidbillies.

    And maybe this explains why my middle name is “Back Seat”.

  6. This is all class but not quite as classy as Ali G’s baby’s full name:
    “The bogs in KFC in Langley Village”

    Then there’s New Zealanders.

    Top names: Benson & Hedges for twins (cigarette brand). Bus Stop.
    Disapproved name: 4Real

    1. Don’t you wonder if children named sjwlfjkcdskgkje ever go to court on their 18th birthday and petition to have it changed to Mary?

    2. Poor twins always stuck with the order Benson and Hedges. Hedges and Benson sounds so wrong.

  7. clearly, the only reason for this post was to make use of the word ‘sobriquet”. now you can all go and die…

    1. Obviously a bet, and you spotted it, when the edgier ‘tag’ would have been so much more apt.

  8. Please read the article before commenting! I was expecting to see a cringe-worthy story myself, but it’s pretty clear this is a reasonable family. Not to mention they all look quite fit and healthy. Their friends have jokingly nicknamed the baby Big Gulp – after his large size (9+ pounds) and the quite unusual birthplace. But kudos for the headline, it’s pretty awesome :)

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