Parking lot baby earns soda sobriquet

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34 Responses to “Parking lot baby earns soda sobriquet”

  1. rrh says:

    Pluralized because he weighed a lot more than 32 ounces.

  2. fuzzyfuzzyfungus says:

    Florida. Why am I not surprised…

    Betting pool on kiddo’s insulin resistance age-of-onset?

  3. *facepalm*

    A baby is delivered by his father (with prior EMT training) in a parking lot with help by a 911 operator over the phone.

    That parking lot ‘just happens’ to be owned by 7-Eleven. No employee of 7-Eleven was involved in it (not that credit should go to the franchise if that did happen). And nothing about 7-Eleven itself even helped in the delivery.

    And they decide to nickname the baby with a reference to the big corporate franchise that they just happened to have parked in.

    Man, that kid is not going to enjoy his childhood.

    Move along, just a couple more idiots praising corporations that don’t even care about them other than as PR pawns.

    • Bevatron Repairman says:

      The kid has a nickname — not a legal name — that’s ‘Big Gulp.’  
      But yes, they’re idiots for having a laugh about where their kid was born rather than standing in clench-fist defiance of a chain of convenience stores that sell crappy food at a consumer-friendly price.  Facepalm indeed.

    • RJ says:

      Imagine if the kid was born in Grosse Tete, Louisiana.

    • BDiamond says:

       Apparently you’ve never heard the (unfortunately insulting to Native Americans) “Two Dogs Fucking” joke?

  4. ehdubkay says:

    …will murder ‘rents in t-minus 14 years

    • Chuck says:

      I just had a bad feeling about a possible second meaning of the name “Big Gulp.”  The kid may have to murder a couple of his classmates after one too many rumors/jokes about his sexual orientation in connection to the nickname.

  5. jimh says:

    Thank you, come again!

  6. missamo80 says:

    They didn’t give him “Big Gulp” for a middle name. They didn’t give him “Big Gulp” as a nickname. Friends and family did. From TFA:

    “Our friends and family have now nicknamed him ‘Big Gulp,’ ” Tye Malley said. “So far we think it suits him. He was 9 pounds, 10.5 ounces. Makes me have a big gulp when I think about it.”

    And it isn’t pluraized either. Man, I’d expect a story with such a bad summary on Slashdot, but on BoingBoing? Really guys?

  7. Stefan Jones says:

    Someday he’ll start a band with Clara “White Hen” Clark, Randall “Plaid Pantry” Muntz, Nuveen “Circle K” Marooney.

  8. Ladyfingers says:

    They should have called him “Five Dollar” in honour of 7-Eleven’s price for a can of Coke.

  9. seyo says:

    my middle name was (is?) supposedly Ho, because the day I was born, May 1st 1975, Saigon was officially renamed Ho Chi Minh City. It was tough growing up, when people asked me what my middle name was. I usually said “nothing.”

    edit: hippy/beatnik parents

  10. Pope Ratzo says:

    Why does this make me think of Early Cuyler’s girlfriend and baby mama Krystal?

    You know, from Squidbillies.

    And maybe this explains why my middle name is “Back Seat”.

  11. oldtaku says:

    I forsee many other Bad Life Choices in this child’s future.

  12. teapot says:

    This is all class but not quite as classy as Ali G’s baby’s full name:
    “The bogs in KFC in Langley Village”

    Then there’s New Zealanders.

    Top names: Benson & Hedges for twins (cigarette brand). Bus Stop.
    Disapproved name: 4Real

  13. Frank Diekman says:

    This child’s life comes pre-ruined.

  14. casuists tome says:

    clearly, the only reason for this post was to make use of the word ‘sobriquet”. now you can all go and die…

  15. David Rice says:

    Please read the article before commenting! I was expecting to see a cringe-worthy story myself, but it’s pretty clear this is a reasonable family. Not to mention they all look quite fit and healthy. Their friends have jokingly nicknamed the baby Big Gulp – after his large size (9+ pounds) and the quite unusual birthplace. But kudos for the headline, it’s pretty awesome :)

  16. benher says:

    Reminds me of the President’s full name in Idiocracy.

  17. royaltrux says:

     President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho?

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