This list of Satan's hobbies closely matches Boing Boing's interests

[UPDATE: This page is from a Jack Chick tract parody about Governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal] I just learned that Boing Boing is the Devil's playground. The following subjects are considered "doorways to demonic possession": Illuminati, Scientology, Remote viewing, Cyberpunk culture, Vegetarianism, Lord of the Rings, Lycanthropy, Postmodernism, Alt "comix", Marihuana & Pot parties, LSD/shrooms, Video games, Harry Potter, Dungeons & Dragons, Halloween, Fornication, Skull & Bones, Rock Music, Burning Man, Twilight films, and Goth culture, among other happy mutant interests.

LSD, cyperpunk culture, vegetarianism, Burning Man, heavy metal, and dozens more as doorways to demonic possession"


  1. Vegetarianism? Really? The extremists become more and more peculiar by the year. I could possibly understand the rest. Ooh, it has a scary ghost, it must be Satan. But not wanting to eat animals? Or maybe what isn’t explicitly allowed by their weird rules is forbidden?

      1. Hitler may have done evil things like not eating animals, but at least he killed Hitler.

    1. Because not eating the delicious meat god gave us is tantamount to spitting in his face. Source: Jewish rabbinic writings on “the legitimacy of sexual pleasure” 

    2. These people don’t even know their own faith. When Daniel was a captive in Babylon, he and his friends supposedly ate only vegetarian meals to prove that their god would make them stronger and healthier than the hedonists of Babylon. There’s even a freaking Christian diet (whatever that is) based on it:

        1.  The Daniel Fast is one of the most common fasts for Christians to participate in. It’s widely known and practiced, especially in hard times, or times of worship, and usually at the beginning of the new year.

    3. They also are obsessed with yoga but judging from the waistlines I’ve seen around the Bible Belt I think it is due more to a desire to avoid exercise.  “Lets say that treadmills are satanic too.”

      Now that Pilates class, THAT was satanic.

    4. Well, there are basically three reasons for being a vegetarian – religious, for ethical reasons, and health reasons.  Obviously the first one is a no-no.  The second is probably equally problematic to these people – the Bible is supposed to be your source of moral behavior, so any empathy expressed beyond what the Bible OKs is suspect.  (I’d guess that for these people, being nice to gay folks is Satanic.)  There are also certain Christians whose whole lifestyle is (supposedly) “Bible-based” so even the health reason may not fly with them (they talk about eating meat in the Bible, therefore it’s what you should do, obviously).

      1. Not only those. I became a vegetarian (on Earth Day 1990) largely for environmental reasons, though I also feel really great being this way, so you could even say that personal enjoyment/fulfillment is another reason to be a vegetarian.

      2. I couldn’t be arsed to care about the reasons you site.  I think meat tastes bad, smells like death at all times and is generally gross.  But again, that’s just me. YMMV.

      3. Being too poor to buy meat is another valid reason. I tend to lapse out of vegetarianism though, like when someone else is buying dinner. 

      4. Suppose you keep kosher.  Suppose your apartment only has one sink, one oven, one fridge, and you decide to keep a dairy kitchen.  You would then be vegetarian (pescetarian, really), at least at home, on religious principles, and they’re not going to be able to pull out Deuteronomy to condemn you.

        Of course, if you keep kosher, you’re probably Jewish, so there’s that.

    5. Maybe meat is an effective anti-demon vaccine, and by refusing to eat it, vegetarians not only leave themselves vulnerable to demonic possession, they mess up demonic herd immunity for the rest of us.

      Thanks a lot, vegetarians.

      1.  Oh, so you mean that my being vegan directly led to my becoming atheist? That explains everything! How could I have been so stupid?!? I’m having a burger for Jesus tonight!

    6. You know who started the scourge of marijuana in America?

      Ben motherfucking kite-in-a-storm Franklin. Well, okay, it was hemp, not psychoactive-grade cannabis, but they probably don’t care, seeing as they treat Scientology, Postmodernism, Vampirism, and Harry Potter as equally-bad tools of the devil. You’re not detail-oriented when you’re compiling a list that contains THOSE without any sort of qualification or segmentation.

    7.  Didn’t Jonah Goldberg assert that vegetarianism is a component of liberal Fascism? It’s all starting to make sense now!

    1. This list is especially weird because it combines the bugaboos of the 1960s – 70s (Rock music, Trilateralism) with those of today (Harry Potter, cyberpunk).  And, uh, lycanthropy, which I hear all the cool kids are into.

        1.  Hahaha this is what caught my attention the most… Also they dont mention Pastafarianism so I guess I’m free of the devil!

      1. I’m grateful that they distinguish between Rock Music and Heavy Metal: it always irks me when they get lumped together.

      2. And, uh, lycanthropy, which I hear all the cool kids are into.

        Team Jacob.  Just sayin’.

          1. Now, putting “just sayin'” at the end of your sentence is a sure sign of demonic possession.

            Just s*vomits pea soup*

        1.  Dude!  Shhh!  If the guy who put this list together had heard of furries, they’d definitely be on it!

    2. You know what else isn’t there? Masturbation. It ain’t fornicatin’, that’s fer sure. And where’s coprophilia? I mean, really, if you’re going to be complete, be complete. Sheesh. They even included Church of Satan in there, so you know they’re trying to be completely explicit.

        1. You can’t get very high in the Satanic hierarchy until you can put your legs behind your head.

          1. Someone didn’t read Leviticus 15: 16-18… “When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his entire body in water; he remains unclean until evening. Every piece of clothing and everything made of leather which gets semen on it must be washed with water; it remains unclean until evening. When a man sleeps with a woman and has an emission of semen, both are to wash in water; they remain unclean until evening.

      1. Well they seem to have singled out drugs that are associated with psychedelic or other alternative cultures.  It’s unclear if it’s particular cultures into which the drugs will introduce you, or just drugs that make you have funny thoughts to which they object. (Drugs that just fuck up your life are fine, however.)

  2. Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! – Isaiah 5:20

        1. Fun facts from Wallechinski and Wallace’s “The People’s Almanac”:

          Considered himself a strict vegetarian although he was criticized for eating pigs’ knuckles. Ate fresh vegetables, spinach, and spaghetti. Was especially fond of asparagus tips and artichoke hearts (in cream sauce), eggs and cauliflower (combined in various ways). Loved sweets and pastries, sometimes eating as much as 2 lbs. of chocolate a day.
          Consumed large amounts of eggs… Opposed to drinking and smoking… Became vegetarian because of stomach problems. Supplemented diet (unbalanced because of large content of carbohydrates) with drugs to ward off states of depression.

          1. So disillusioning!  If you can’t trust der Fuhrer to keep away from the schweinshaxe, who can you trust?

  3. Mark, buddy, I hate to tell you this, but… duh! Did you guys really think you were getting into heaven?

    Although, I am confused about a couple of them- alt “comix” seems a little too general of a category, especially when there are Christian “alt comix” around. And XTC? Really? Why single Andy Partridge out? Does God hate brit-pop?

      1.  Not really. The fundies I know are all hypocritical, angry bigots. I don’t think they get to go to the harps and clouds club. Deep down, they know it too, and it just makes them all the nastier.

      1. Hard to tell if you guys are joking, but XTC was a fairly common slang term for E in the 90’s.  See “Trippin’ on XTC” by Green Jell(o/y).

    1.  It fits the pattern. Religious extremists denounce anything that’s done outside their particular church, including attending other churches.  There’s Christian versions of lots of the things on this list, but rock music and alt “comix” frighten whoever penned this list, so out it goes.

    1. Fornication is on it.  Where will future generations of bible thumpers come from then?

      1. I think as long as you’re both ugly and you don’t enjoy yourselves, it doesn’t count.

    2. Legs tied in pretzels and dances ’round altars,
      Bright little crystals and demonic psalters,
      Telling the future by reading I-Ching,
      These are a few of my Satanist things!

      Dungeons and Dragons and sex with a stranger,
      Fantasy movies and wolf/human changers,
      Blood-sucking people revealing bat wings,
      These are a few of my Satanist things!

      Floating in mid-air and not eating top round,
      Parties for smoking all cannabis compounds,
      Corpse molestation to see what it brings,
      These are a few of my Satanist things!

      When the goths mope,
      When the man burns,
      Before November first,
      I simply remember my Satanist things!
      And then I don’t feel so bad.

      1. Blowjobs and rimjobs and dildoes with bristles
        Hustlers and porn stars, cop strippers with whistles
        UPS drivers who like lunchtime flings
        These are a few of my favorite things.

        Low hanging nutsacs and big hairy asses
        Drunken Marines when they make clumsy passes
        Moist uncut cocks pierced with fat golden rings
        These are a few of my favorite things.

        When my knees hurt
        When my back aches
        When my pee won’t hold
        I simply remember my favorite things
        And then I don’t feel so old.

        1. (puts arm around Antinous’s shoulders, hoists a beer mug, and both belt out:) These are a few of our fa-a-a-a-a-a-avorite things!

  4. Funny how lying, misinforming or invoking the word of the Lard to serve your own agenda didn’t make the list. Or engaging in massive hypocrisy. 

    1. No No NO NO NO!

      You have to put EmPHASis on it.

       Taking the LAUD’S name in VAIN! HALLALUJAH!

  5. Also, while some religions are listed, I don’t see “other religions” anywhere! Get out clause! Also, I assume “Skull & Bones” refers to the society. Because I have, y’know, a skull and some bones.

    1. You can be Buddhist or Hindu, but you’d better eat meat!
      (edit: doh, I guess that’s covered under “eastern religions”)

      1. But not a Re-birther.

        Wow that just sounded even funnier than when I first thought of the reply. (Re-birthing is apparently a form of Yoga (which is so closely associated to Buddism or Hinduism that it’s the same diff (yes I know it’s not please don’t flame me.)))

  6. What if you’re not participating in lycanthropy willingly? Like you didn’t mean to get bit, but hey, sometimes things happen?

    Asking for a friend.

        1. No, look, when you’re about to turn, you go to the grocery store and get a chicken. Tie it to a string. Then you drag the chicken… oh, just watch Being Human already.

      1. I have no idea what chicken on a string is, but I’m going to repeat this phrase all day as my mantra du jour.

  7. The last time I was possessed by Satan, he mentioned NOTHING about ANY of this. Now I am PISSED! I know he’s called the Father of Lies, but come ON, I feel like I’ve been left out of something over here.

      1. Well to be fair they see ‘raising the dead’ as God’s domain. Just like making fire, or healing the sick, or managing to pull of stripes and plad.

        Wait that last one is definite grounds for heresy.

    1. Don’t forget “Generals And Majors”, only a Satan-loving pinko would dare mock the fine military industrial complex.

  8. Must not have supported the George Bushes what with the skull and bones and all.  and isn’t Rosicrucianism a little esoteric?

  9. Marihuana. Hmm, I guess Stewie was pronouncing it correctly. Brian owes him an apology

  10. Vegetarianism is obviously out because the Bible says you have to eat your way through all the animals that are standing between you and the Pearly Gates if you want to win a place in Heaven.  (You’d think the lycanthropy and vampirism would help out with that, but apparently you have to rely on your own talents.)

  11. Also, back-masking? *googles* Oh, so that’s what all the goof-balls are talking about when they say that if you play Black Sabbath songs backwards you can hear Satanic messages.

    I’ve tried that and the only thing I ever hear is “this is stupid, you really think a bunch of stoners composed this music just so as to have a message embedded in it? Idiot, this is stupid….” but then again that’s really no different than the usual voices in my head telling me that I’m surrounded by stupid. YMMV

    1. There are!  Check out the Haight or Golden Gate Park on April 20th.  The party really gets going at about 4:19.  Heathens, all!

        1. Oh snap!  Before posting a witty retort along the lines of “You know who else pointed out who else celebrated April 20th?”, I Googled the damn date.
          Kudos sir, excellently played!

          1. I know, right?  I mean, everyone knows that the April 20th Apollo 16 lunar landing was a h.o.a.x. — believers were just reading too many ALT “comix”.

    1.  That was a typo–it was supposed to be Vegetarian Lycanthropy, not Vegetarianism AND Lycanthropy. There is nothing crankier than a vegetarian werewolf, let me tell you. Bad news, man.

      1.  Somehow I read that as veggie lycanthropy. 

        While not as fierce as their animal relatives, the were-cauliflower can be somewhat off-putting and aggressively cruciferous.

  12. Necromancy and Re-birthing bad; Resurrection and being Born Again good.  Right.  Got it.

  13. I notice that my favorite religious activity, projectile vomiting, is not on the list.

  14. By my count I have legitimately engaged in 38 of the 47 listed pursuits, including Fire Walking, Remote Viewing and Video Games. While I would normally hope to achieve all of them, I can’t abide Astrology… That’s just wrong.

    1. I love how specific they get with comics, but have umbrella listings for other things, like video games. Just no Alt comix, because they know that Superman doesn’t get placed on a no-no list. Sure he’s an illegal alien, stealing jobs from good Ameerican-born heroes, but still. Some coimcs are universally acceptable.

    1.  Well,  you *could* count necromancy and re-birthing in either a post-bucket list or a leave-bucket-wholly-unkicked list.

      1.  Yeah. And there’s a few things I can leave off as I’ve already tried them. Like vegetarianism. Didn’t enjoy that at all. I kept getting the Hairy Krishnas stuck in my teeth.

          1. Some veggie burgers are great. I like beans and chickpeas and greens and onions and assorted spices.  I like meat too, but I don’t let my non-vegetarianism get in the way of enjoying vegetarian foods.

      1. Good point, although it could still be a list of things to do before someone manages to drive a stake through your heart.

  15. It took far to long for me to realize that “remote viewing” probably didn’t refer to VNC.

  16. The author of that list has picked up elements from other denunciations — note the old-fashioned spelling of “marijuana”. I’ll bet you anything that he or she isn’t sure what many of them actually are. 

    To see how dated and random it is, look for what’s missing. It’s got the Twilight films but not the novels, Trilateralism but not Davos, D&D but not WoW, ‘shrooms but not meth, and cyberpunk but not 4chan. That list has to be made up of stuff the author has seen other people label as wicked.

    And for about the zillionth time, I wish Boing Boing’s readers would stop equating religion with these bone-stupid fundamentalists. It is what they’d want you to think, but it’s a cartoonishly inaccurate view of the matter, and buying into it empowers exactly those religious nutbars you dislike most.

    1.  Honestly a lot of us have difficulty distinguishing between the different shades of stupidity, apart from the fact that the bone stupid fundamentalism tends to be the funniest.

    2. You’re mixingreddit and boingboing. I sentence you to the pit of damnation for this heresy.


    3. And for about the zillionth time, I wish Boing Boing’s readers would stop equating religion with these bone-stupid fundamentalists.

      Where do you see this happening?  Please point to specific examples.

  17. I happen to agree with the third one down… if you are going to lay bricks you should get paid for doing the job.

  18. Trilateralism? WTF? They’re saying that fostering better international relations between the US, Europe and Japan is the tool of the devil?

    And it’s always funny to see those fundies mention LotR, don’t they know Tolkien’s legendarium is a transposition of the christian (catholic) mythology?

    1. It is not so much a condemnation of LOTR as much as an implicit acceptance of Game of Thrones. 

  19. Satan welcomes any and all Taoist Confucian Buddhist  Shinto Voudoun Scientologist Wiccan Gaiaists.  Bonus points if you’re also a vampire tripping balls while listening to Iron Maiden and reading Neuromancer.

    1. I would like very much to trip balls while listening to Iron Maiden and reading Neuromancer. Actually sounds like a great time.

  20. Well Church of Satan goes without saying.  It is like saying a Yankees fan is into the Yankees.

    1.  Hey man, you can dig Satan without digging the church, just like you can dig Jesus without digging Christian organizations or you can dig Mark Sanchez without digging the Jets. Dig?

  21. I would LOVE to see a “spiritual structure” that coherently assembled all those elements.

      1.  “The Illuminati are going to use the CoS to take over the Trilateral Commission…”

  22. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” ~ Ephesians 6:12 [New International Version (NIV)]

    Sounds kinda punk rock to me.  Didn’t know Paul was so counter-culture.

    1. Whoah, I even checked the reference, and missed the implication at the end – even in the heavenly realms there are forces of evil, God is not even almighty in heaven, much less down here on earth…

  23. Postmodernism?

    As a designer, I’ve got to ask, what does the author have against bright colors, curvy lines and playful shapes? Does that mean that an Eames chair will get you into heaven, but Gehry’s hockey-stick chairs will send you straight to hell?

    1. Yeah, best I got is that was meant to be Transhumanism and he got the whole “Post Human” term confused.  I still love the image of a pastor shouting at furniture, though.

      1. I think it might have to do with postmodernism’s love of  “personal meaning” and disregard for the rigidly defined systems that preceded it. But the author’s alarmism still sounds silly to me.

    2. Maybe they mean Sottsass.  I hear there’s a circle of Hell with nothing but Memphis chairs to sit in.

      1. Eames is modernism, which is why their chairs will get you into heaven (although those dangerous bent-wood curves may force Mies van der Rohe to kick them out of the club). Your Eames/Beetlejuice comparison is perfect!

    3. Lyotard proposed that the primary character of postmodernism was incredulity toward metanarrative. Religions are basically pure metanarrative, and so some religious types find this very worrying- they think that this leads to a ‘pick & mix’ spirituality where people select the parts of various religions that they find most appealing, rather than looking for an absolute truth.

      Others try to examine how postmodern ideas affect their faith.

      I’m disappointed that ecumenism wasn’t included on the list, it was all the rage a couple of decades ago.

  24. What if you failed at some of these things? Because, I mean, I know a lot of kids in high school who were into shit like divination and levitation. But I don’t know any who actually succeeded. (Except for the ones who claimed it totally worked when you weren’t around.) 

    1. I guess it’s like attempted murder?  Bad enough to try it, worse if you succeed …

    1.  Dude, you have NOT seen some of the shit monstrosities that they are building in Long Island City.  They almost sort of have a point there. 

  25. Sadly, I am related to a number of people for whom this is a coherent and sensible list of dangers.

  26. I saw an ad for Rosicrucianism today in a 1958 Popular Mechanics magazine.  54 years later Hell must be well supplied with handymen.

  27. 10 bucks says it’s from a Jack Chick Tract. The guy is nuts. Their Dungeons and Dragons one is entertaining.

  28. Trilateralism.  :sigh:  True story.  My mother caught me trilateralizing once.  I was young.  Shamed, I didn’t engage in it again until I took a college course in International Relations where I was affirmed in the belief that there is nothing wrong with fostering closer cooperation among the United States, Europe, and Japan.  Nothing at all!  I laugh now when I recall those dark, bitter years when I lived in shame and ignorance.

    1. In all seriousness, fear of the Trilateral Commission was the “Obama Death Panels” of the 1970s.  Barry Goldwater wrote about it in his book, and all the John Birchers freaked out.  Today’s brand of crazy is nothing new …

      1. “What big business wants big business gets
        it wants a war
        Trilateral commission goonies laugh
        and scheme for more”
        -Jello Biafra

        Was Jello joking or was there also paranoia about it on the left?

  29. Every so often I get a support customer who can’t figure out how to plug in a router, who insists on addressing me as “Beloved”.  C-R-E-E-P-Y!

  30. They’re afraid of anything they themselves don’t like, and will twist the meanings of the Bible to make it appear to condemn those outside things.  That is all.

  31. I lost it at Twilight films! Easily the most evil thing on the list.

    I thought this list was pulled from something in the 50s or 60s, but now I have to come to terms with the fact that, today, people are still this stupid.

  32. Where are shellfish on this list? Unlike everything else here, shellfish are actually prohibited by scripture:

    9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.

    10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

    11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

    12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

    (Leviticus 11:9-12)

    Remember folks, God hates shrimp!

    1. Tell ’em what you’re going to tell ’em, tell ’em, then tell ’em what you told ’em.

  33. I’d point to monastic orders like Cistercians and Carmelites that follow vegetarianism as part of their rule, but I suspect being Catholic also leaves you open to demonic possession.

  34. this list is the surest way to drive an impressionable and sheltered teen to research Rosicrucianism, backmasking, lycanthropy, post-modernism, fornication et al. 

    way to go for being the devil’s gateway list!

  35. This list is going to be real eye-opener for my born-again pot-smoking vegetarian vampire friends who become werewolves for kicks on the weekends.

  36. Woe unto them that practice abominations, for they shall be chased by unicorns, and the unicorns shall cause the multitude to remember them not.


  37. This reminds me of The Purity Test, which my friends and I regularly passed around in college. At first it was entertaining to see what our scores were and to try and guess who’d done what. Then we started using it for ideas and purposely tried to lower our scores. 

    I find that I have tried surprisingly few things on this list, but I’m going to use it as a guide for things I should be doing.

  38. What exactly is re-birthing? Wiki refers to something called re-birthing breathwork, you think that’s what they are talking about?  Because, you know, I want to avoid it all costs… In my in-law’s family, short hair on women and wearing red would have made it to that list. 

    1. Role playing the re-birth of a person — a tool used by some psychological therapists to help some people.

      Completely different from being Born Again.


  40. That’s a great list, the one thing they need to add to really complete it is H.P. Lovecraft!

  41. Didn’t see “Being French” or any other non-American nationality on there. I DEMAND the phone number of the printer and editor. There’ll be some goddam changes made around here toot sweet, baby.

  42. There were only a couple things on the list that I am solidly into, those being fornication and rock’n’roll.  And a few things that I have no idea what they are.  Most of it is just weird/funny.

  43. I know how much lycanthropes love yoga. Although I hope they get enough protein in their vegetarian diet

    1.  Lycanthropes are really good at the “Downward Facing Dog” asana.  Though really, they were just sniffing around in case anybody had dropped any bacon.

  44. Surely is is within the powers of the interwebs to create some kind of fundie denunciation generator.

    For that matter, it would be a fun project to create such an outrage generator, maybe throw in a fire and brimstone random outrage sermon generator while we are at it.

    Though of course the crazies don’t like to be mocked, so it would be taking your life into your hands.  And your immortal soul, but in my case I lost that when my folks gave me a D&D box for my tenth birthday. 

    1. I knew a brilliant yoga teacher in training who dropped out because her Jehovah’s Witness relatives threatened never to speak to her again.

  45. Don’t believe this article… some will but other WILL NOT lead you towards demonic possession.   Vegetarianism? Pu-leaze! Read Romans 14 (The Message edition is so clear).  Lord of the Rings? Rock Music? Cyberpunk? Someone needs to READ the bible!

  46. Ecclesiastes 9:7 The Message (MSG) 7-10 Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, Drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure! Dress festively every morning. Don’t skimp on colors and scarves. Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it, For there’s neither work to do nor thoughts to think In the company of the dead, where you’re most certainly headed.

  47. Ecclesiastes 11: 9 You who are young, make the most of your youth.
    Relish your youthful vigor.
    Follow the impulses of your heart.
    If something looks good to you, pursue it.
    But know also that not just anything goes;
    You have to answer to God for every last bit of it.

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