Honey Boo Boo gets her own show on the Learning Channel

The Learning Channel is dabbling in eschatology, and will soon air a programme starring young miss Honey Boo Boo Child, a young beauty competition participant from the Toddlers and Tiaras phenomenon. Miss Boo Boo Child came to notoriety due to her exuberant personality, fuelled by frequent nips from flasks of high sugar/high caffeine pick-me-up, this latter prepared by her doting mother.

In this clip, Boo Boo and family demonstrate the sort of educational material we can look forward to in the future from the pedagogists at the Learning Channel.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: Coming Soon! (Thanks, Fipi Lele!)


  1. Do they even pretend that TLC stands for The Learning Channel anymore? I used to love TLC and Discovery for all the documentaries, but they lost their way.

  2. I’ll start.

    The Ludicrous Channel?  Totally Lame Crap?  Change to TeeElCee? 

    C’mon Boingboing – what does it mean?

    1.  I’ve thought for a while it stood for The Little-people Channel.  This show doesn’t change my mind.

  3. This must be on right after my favorite show Ow my balls! I just love where television is going these days!

  4. Going to the Learning Channel for learning is like going to the History Channel for history is like going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a dominatrix for a hug.

      1. How right you are. I’ve gotten a hug from a dominatrix. I wish Millie Fink the opportunity to understand how possible and wonderful it can be. The story –

        Mid-90s, Vegas, 30 minutes before the doors opened for seating for the AVN awards. I’m standing with my group, wondering where our table will be, and I spot the notorious Miss X and her sub (not their real names).

        Me: “Oh, look! There’s Miss X. I have to go over and say hello.”

        My group gasps in shock and horror: “Bu-bu-bu-but you CAN’T! That’s Miss X! She’ll…she’ll…”

        Me, interrupting: “She’ll what? She’s a person. I’m a person. I’m a person who admires the performance art they create. I should thank them for that.”

        I walk over. There’s this little extra-wide bubble of space around them that no one dares violate. I walk right in and they both stop talking, turn to me, and glare.

        Me, with a perfectly straight face: “Excuse me. I do apologize for interrupting. My name in Ben English and I just wanted to thank you for the art you make. Whenever I’m called on to review one of your films, it’s always a refreshing break from the day-to-day dreck and I really appreciate that. Why, if it hadn’t been for you two, I would have never understood the erotic potential of a hot glue gun.”

        They sort of stare at me a moment, processing. At exactly the right moment, I let a little smirk creep onto my face.

        Both of them burst out laughing, hug me, and we have a brief, jovial conversation between sincere fanboi and artists.

        As I bade them goodbye, I noticed that nearly all conversation nearby had stopped and every eye in the area was on me, some glaring, some confused, some clearly angry. I returned to my group.

        My colleagues, clearly shocked: “What the hell happened? How did you get through that…intact?”

        Me: “I’m a person. They’re people. No big deal. They seem quite sweet, actually.”

        My group just sort of shook their heads and moved slightly away from me. For the rest of the convention and the next couple, I was “That crazy guy.”

        1.  How I believe this really went – everything happened up to, “My name is Ben English…” and then they choked you out with a riding crop for daring to speak before being spoken to. The rest is clearly hallucination.


          1. I know you’re kidding but it did happen.  Tip: Go back to the mid 1990s and look for my name on the masthead of Adult Video News magazine.

    1.  Nope.

      I’m pretty sure that if you paid a prostitute for a hug you’d get a damn fine hug. 

      1. A Dominatrix is not a prostitute.
        But for that matter, you could just pay some random lady for a hug.

        1. Hell, you could just stand around begging for a hug and some lady would probably hug you. Free hugs?

        2. I’m 99% sure millie originally said prostitute & edited her post to dominatrix… so Jer_oo’s joke fit better & didn’t confuse the two.

          Edit: 100% sure. See below; my feeble memory isn’t failing me yet!

  5. Can’t wait to see the “Where are they now?” episode featuring her twenty years from now.

    Pretty sure someone got confused and put her on the wrong channel. She would fit in well on the Family Learning Channel:  http://youtu.be/Qd64zf6N9QI

    1. why bother showing a “where are they now?”.  All you need to do is look at her family and see where she will be 20 years from now.

      1. Hopefully part of the same apparently loving,close and funny family and not having been ruined by “fame.” Just because this family have been raised in an entirely different culture then some of us doesn’t mean that they aren’t happy people. 
        We need to leave them in their native environment and don’t Jon and Kate them.

    2.  Usually “child stars” go through the formality of waiting until adulthood before ODing on Oxycodone in some run-down hotel room, but I think we have the making of a new world record here.

    1. Just make sure to check the landing gear when you get back.  Honey Boo Boo could be hold up in there.

  6. Even just watching the trailer may set you on the path to ending up with a toddler in your trunk, so just don’t look.

  7. This is straight up child abuse. Get these kids out of these homes. It’s not funny. 

    EDIT: Where they’ll end up in crappy foster homes and underfunded institutions. Ah, fuck. I’m out.

    1.  Civilisation, declining.

      Luckily we can go down claiming we’re better than someone.

  8. This is one of many reasons why I don’t watch tv except by download anymore. If I could find a way to give cable _negative_ money because of things like this, I would.

    1. Keep signing up for free cable trials. They’ll waste money delivering your new box and mailing you shit.

  9. You’re giving them free advertising. Think of the small percentage of people who would have not watched this if you haven’t had posted it. You gave the show that many viewers. Ignore ignore ignore!

    1. Ah, but it also gave so many of us BBers something to elevate ourselves with. And for others of us, something to commiserate over.

    2. You actually think that bOING bOINGers are going to watch that ? Are you new around here ?

  10. Didn’t watch the trailer, the original post was too creepy. Haven’t lived in the USA for awhile, and US media nowadays is often too disquieting to consume.

    But, from dictionary.com:

    1. any system of doctrines concerning last, or final, matters, as death, the Judgment, the future state, etc.
    2. the branch of theology dealing with such matters.


    1. How many deities are on your list?  Are they all separate, or is the first one Jesus, the Space Lizard.  

    1. Oh the irony of a 1996 Washington Times article called “John Hendricks: Cable Pioneer Discovers Value of Putting Substance over Style.” Hendricks founded Discovery/TLC and continues to serve as Chairman of the Board. Shame on you, sir.

  11.  They have to dumb TV down, because the average viewer IQ is plumetting.

    Don’t worry for the fate of humanity, though: this is only because smart people are turning it off in droves, and turning on the internet.

    Here, we debate cerebrally on 4chan, youtube comments, and… *whimper*

    We’re doomed.

    1. Why television writers are unnecessary to make countless millions? Why reality TV will never go off the air?

  12. This may be the only show on TV with its own built-in warning: “Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo.”

    Please, for whatever your gods’ sake, heed it!

  13.  DAMNIT!! You Americans will block John Stewart and Colbert clips to Canada, but you gladly shoot this crap across our borders??

    Sirs! Prepare for more Martin Short!

  14. The Loser Channel?

    I can’t seem to receive it on my ChannelMaster antenna……….Thank God!

  15. I think the word you’re looking for is scatology not eschatology.

    Scatology: the study of or preoccupation with excrement or obscenity.

    Eschatology: any system of doctrines concerning last, or final, matters,as death, the Judgment, the future state, etc.

  16. Nope, I think eschatology is the right term for this stuff.

    Television seems to be in a death spiral.  That said, there are some points of light (i.e. Breaking Bad). 

    Why anyone pays for cable anywhere is beyond me. 

    1. Ironic that your example for “points of light” (and breaking bad is a damn fine show, I might add) is itself about a death spiral, of sorts.

      (cue “that’s not irony!” posts. No, you’re right – it’s methy.)

  17. We still pay because to get those few bright spots, we have to buy into all the garbage,too.  Like to get higher quality stuff that I love like Mad Men and Game of Thrones, I also have to buy into the cable packages that contain the networks that air them.  Sadly, under the current system, they’re not available ala carte (well, I think you can actually watch Mad Men with a slight delay paying per episode on itunes I think, but since I’m already buying the cable to get other stuff that’s not available that way, it’s not a good value for me.).  If all of the show content was available streaming on demand by itself, I’d gladly ditch cable channel subscriptions.  But until then, I’ve got to buy the whole muddy pig just to get a little bacon. 

    1. Sadly, under the current system, they’re not available ala carte


      Fuck em, dude. You think things are ever going to work like they should under the old regime? The only way to move this forward is to hurry up and totally break the business model.

      Any ethical concerns that keep you chained to some fatcat’s racket be damned. Better to hasten the inevitable, and hope we can figure out a new way of making it work.

      IMO it’d be pretty sweet if you could just download whatever content you wanted from the government, who then reimburse the artists out of consolidated revenue. A corollary of ‘information wants to be free’ – humanity wants to be socialist.

  18. Really???!!!  TLC  – I would have to be in a semi comatose state in order to keep my attention on the garbage they produce and air ,  producing yet another winner in the mindless dribble they call programming. I so wish A LA CART PROGRAMMING was a reality , instead of the reality that “the Learning Channel ” is no longer what its namesake states.They should change their name to ” TMCC   The Mentally Challenged Channel –   We need to ask a very basic question “Why am I forced to pay for ABSOLUTE CRAP that I do not want or watch. THANKS FCC !!!   oh and by the way I don’t speak Spanish either so you can take those crappy channels off my bill as well –

     oh how I wait for the day when we can actually pay for just what we want to watch !

    1. Who’s forcing you to pay for stuff you don’t want to watch?

      For that matter, who’s gonna force you to pay for stuff you do want to watch, beyond maintaining an internet connection?

  19. It’s shit like this that led me to ask my cable ISP to stop calling me with TV-related promotions, because I’ve said no to them every time they’ve asked me to sign up for cable TV boxes for the last seven years, and with dreck like this, I’m not changing my mind anytime soon.

    Also, I’m not saying this as a joke, I mean this with all the misgivings one would expect: That girl’s gonna get raped before she’s 10, given how she’s been raised so far. “Daddy Issues” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I hope I’m wrong about this.

    1. Ricky: With all due respect, Mr. Dennit, I had no idea you’d gotten experimental surgery to have your balls removed
      .Mr. Dennit: What did you just say to me?
      Ricky: What? I said it with all due respect!
      Mr. Dennit: Just because you say that doesn’t mean you get to say whatever you want to say to me!
      Ricky: It sure as hell does!
      Mr. Dennit: No, it doesn’t–
      Ricky: It’s in the Geneva Conventions, look it up!

  20. Are you sure that show isn’t all ET the Walrus in different costumes like Eddie Murphy in The Klumps?

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