Stick-up kid foiled by beer-throwing store manager

An English stick-up artist was foiled in his attempt to rob a cornershop by a manager who flung 12-packs of lager at the crim until he fled the premises. There's an important RPG lesson here about the shortcomings of melee weapons when your adversary has a ranged weapon.

Don't Bring a Knife to a Beer Fight


    1.  huh.  that’s what I love about this place.  never know what you might learn.  at first I thought you were likening the beer to the superiority of the english longbow, but then, this:  “Alcohol Harm Reduction has been a national theme since at least 1066. when the English army was drunk before the Battle of Hastings, which it lost, but had run out of beer before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, which it won. Today the total cost of alcohol-related harm in England and Wales has been estimated at £55.1bn a year.”

      I wonder if this assault will be factored into the “total cost of alcohol-related harm in England”?  because that would be awesome.

  1. I hope he was throwing the cheap stuff, otherwise it might have been better to let that dude have the till money.

    1. looked like Carling Black Label (going by the packaging)  – not only cheap it tastes like crap too.

        1. Seriously? Nobody over the age of 15 likes that shit, do they? It’s worse than Fosters.
          I never realized it’s actually a Canadian lager until I took a trip to Calgary.

          1. the can actually says “carling canada – product of the usa” But yeah, its one of my favorite cheap beers. Alternating between PBR and black label keeps the senses awake.

            And I’m a bit biased from my time at Oberlin, where it has a bit of a cult following. But goddamn, it blows the pants off of Fosters, and is much cheaper.

          1. I’ve only ever heard of white lightning in the sense of unaged corn whiskey.  Is there a cider-like beverage by that name too?

  2. Wow. The perp actually looks like he just walked straight out of Central Casting’s chav archetype storage bunker… 

    1. The thing with chavs is that there are no stereotypes.  To be a chav you must be a chav, therefore you’re a chav. If you don’t fit the archetype, then you’re not a chav.

  3. This confirms my belief that Carling is a beer that’s probably best used as a blunt weapon

  4. stick-up “artist”?
    Maybe with a government grant he can form that into something useful for the kinetic art fair.

  5. After 9/11, on 9/14, I was aboard a TWA flight (delayed) and the pilot told us: (paraphrased)- “If you see ANYONE demonstrating the behavior you heard about on the news, start throwing loose objects at them. Shoes, laptops, ice cubes, anything loose and I will steer this aircraft to the nearest airport and have them deal with it.” There was a huge round of applause and cheering; the pilot’s remarks were sincere since TWA’s future was unclear due to an impending sale. 

  6. What, no crossbow behind the counter? Not even a sword and buckler? Damn, England, get it together.

        1. Give me a break. I’m assuming that you’re not from the UK?

          Chavs are not a class of people, in the same way that football hooligans aren’t a class of people.

          1. Chavs are not a class of people…

            A lot of social scientists would disagree with you, and there’s been a great deal of discussion about the implications of using chav as a slur.

          2. Really? Citation? (I’m not being snarky, I’d be interested to see)

            Considering that many chavs are quite proud to be referred to as chavs I can’t imagine it’s a particular problematic term – it’s like calling a jock a jock. I’m still intrigued as to how they could be considered a class when what primarily defines them is their behaviour and what they wear (not that what they wear makes them bad people, but it’s part of the package).

            As I say, if chavs are a class of people then so are football hooligans – so I’m struggling to get this perspective.

  7. The numpty probably came back ten minutes later to see if he could buy the dinged cans of beer at half price.

  8. Good thing the store was stuffed with cameras, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see everyone’s face except the robber’s …
    (and wouldn’t have this video, which is cool, but was that the reason?)

    1.  Given the amount of time spent showing the blond lady entering the shop, I was expecting some sort of twist ending where the nice lady with the friendly-seeming demeanour pulls a knife when the clerk’s back is turned…

      1. Teddy, brown, black, grizzly or polar?

        You and I must be looking at different nature pictorials.

  9. I think the manager seriously limited himself. You don’t throw a bag full of stones, you throw each stone individually.

    1. Many bags of stones were available, plus the greater mass of said sacks. Probably part of a preconceived defence plan, when something like this happens. He is no runt either. When he runs out of cases of beer, he would simply pick up a display stand and heave. Store manager SMASH!

  10. In light of this incident, they really need to rethink having the ‘behind the counter area’ open directly to the front door of the place.

    Seems to put the person working the counter at uneeded risk.

    1. True, but if there was a type of barrier, the target area around the door area would have greater coverage from the barrage of incoming beers.  

  11. There was a burglary at my dad’s place of work back in the early 70’s at an audio recording studio. Blood was all over a broken window and on the floor inside, with foot prints leading away to steal equipment. So a few years ago I mentioned this in passing conversion and this one elderly bloke pips up laughing, “Did they find the blood was 90% cow and 10% human?” and he split his gut chuckling.

  12. I’m reminded of “The Tiddlywink Warriors” by Poul Anderson and Gordon Dickson in which beer bottles are the weapons that win a battle.

  13. it is racist to say he is English unless he identifies himself that way. Otherwise he is British.

    1. That makes absolutely no sense. According to the links, this happened in Essex, in the south of England. Describing this idiot as English is perfectly valid, in exactly the same way as you’d talk about the English rioters of last year.

      1. There are English criminals?!? According to the Daily Mail, all crime in the UK is committed by people from Eastern Europe. Preferably on expired visas. And benefits. Surely they can’t be making things up. That would overturn my whole worldview.

      2. English is not a nationality. Since the 18th century: people are British and they live in the United Kingdom.

        1. English is not a nationality.

          On the assumption that nobody could possibly be that ill-informed, I’m going to tell you to stop trolling now.

  14. I’m not a convenience store robber, but who the fuck jogs into the place they are sticking up?

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