Greatest movie threats of all time

hh1edits's "The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time" is a truly fabulous 11:37 worth of threatening behavior -- angry, calm, brave, terrified. The creator casts an admirably broad net, including appearances from Monty Python, Wil Wheaton, and the Wicked Witch of the West.

The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time (Thanks, Fipi Lele!)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE: Copyfight • Funny • happy mutants • movies • supercuts • threats • videos • youtube

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Audio NSFW
- Quiche de Resistance
  
  I swear to God, if you drop one more of these pedantic fucking safe warnings again I’m gonna take your goddamn profile and shove it so far up your virtual fucking ass you’ll be spitting out ones and zeroes for a week!
  - SomeGuyNamedMark
    
    Looks like someone’s got a case of the Mondays!
    - Quiche de Resistance
      
      I believe you get your ass kicked sayin somethin like that, man.
- CSBD
  
  Who cares… it was nice to be reminded that Lucy Liu is crosseyed when she triess to act really angry.
  - Quiche de Resistance
    
    So adorably cross-eyed.
  - Paul Renault
    
    The severed head didn’t look heavy enough.
- http://www.pattayamail.com John Thomas
  
  STFU Tribune
  
  ;-)
- Ana …
  
  You know, there IS something called ‘in-ear headphones’.
  I’m at work and sporting some right now.
  Just get a headset with a microphone and tell everybody you’re skyping.
Quiche de Resistance

Someday, I think you and I are going to have a serious disagreement.
Last of the Mohicans, if it was in there I missed it.
- hymenopterid
  
  The hatchet is still bright.
Mike Norman

LOL Seagal!
- benher
  
  It was worth watching to the end for this
Assault_is_eternal

“The Long Kiss Goodnight” was represented twice. Very nice
- sdmikev
  
  Big Lebowski, too.
  - SumAnon
    
    And Pulp Fiction.
Snig

Serenity:

You do that, you’d best make peace with your dear and fluffy lord.
http://twitter.com/zaren Jim Schmidt

Plenty o’ Pesci…
- http://www.twitter.com/eselqueso eselqueso
  
  Lots o’ Clint, too. But we didn’t feel lucky, punk. DID WE!?!
  - hymenopterid
    
    This was a good one from Unforgiven:
    
    “All right, I’m coming out. Any man I see out there, I’m gonna shoot him. Any sunofabitch takes a shot at me, I’m not only gonna kill him, but I’m gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his god damn house down. ”
Jay Aldred

Nobody fucked with the wrong mexican?
http://www.youtube.com/user/Freethinkersanon Christopher

Eleven minutes and 36 seconds and yet he neglected to include this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKX32WqDNDU
- http://rightcrafttool.blogspot.com/ Sign Ahead
  
  Personally I was waiting for this:
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=qXRuoSHI6eQ
  
  Although just about any line out of Bricktop’s mouth would probably qualify.
DreamboatSkanky

Doctor Detroit: I warn you, I’m a chiropractor! I will use my skills negatively!
Quiche de Resistance

Another very creepy threat omitted from this compilation:

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
ChicagoD

Slap the taste out of your mouth is a timeless, useful classic.
Diogenes

Which one held the most believable threat? I’d say the one from Stand by Me.

“Whaddya gonna do, shoot us all?”

“No, Ace. Just you”

The other bad guys that do all that talking and screaming just dilute the power of their words. The kid with the gun in his shaking hand looks the most dangerous to me.
- SomeGuyNamedMark
  
  The scared person is more dangerous than the angry one
- http://www.facebook.com/lee.crocker Lee Daniel Crocker
  
  I love Wil Wheaton. Too bad he’s best known for the worst acting job he ever had.
miasm

I will reach inside you and pull your asshole out through your mouth!
- invictus
  
  The loufah and antibacterial soap are over there. Y’know. For after.
SomeGuyNamedMark

FBI said that after The Godfather came out all the mafia guys started imitating the movie.
- http://twitter.com/beep54orama B E Pratt
  
  They certainly did in the Sopranos
ldobe

Ima going to barbecue your ass in molasses!
rsavits

He missed my favorite one from Grosse Point Blank:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4GDodf5eT0It comes in around the 3:40 mark for the impatient.
http://www.edmstudio.com futnuh

When I was a kid, the neighborhood bully threatened me … once. I later found out that my otherwise peaceful and bookish mother had grabbed him and delivered this zinger,”touch my son again and I’ll tear your arm off and beat you with the soggy end.”.
awjt

That was so satisfying to watch. Seriously. It got out a lot of my pent up aggression today just vicariously appreciating all those threats.
frogmarch

“It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet. But if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder.”
Todd Fife

I am godzilla . . . you are Japan!
sdmikev

I loved that. Lots of fun.
Missing these, though –

Rambo, this is Murdock, we’re glad you’re alive. Where the hell are you? Give us your position and we’ll come to pick you up!

Murdock… I’m coming to get you.

And:

No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.
bcsizemo

Movie threats seem to involve a lot of fucking and shitting into people…
http://www.catchway.com/ Web Design Vizag

Where’s Michael Caine?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIXYM5C9YCQ
http://twitter.com/BonzoDog1 BonzoDog1

“From hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. Ye damned whale.”
http://www.facebook.com/dan.morrison.nz Dan Morrison

Aw. Missing the “Princess Bride” “To the pain” threat.
Surely THE most awesome movie threat ever made.
Culturedropout

What??? No, ” Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.” ? Meh.
- Snig
  
  I was thinking that too, but not a movie.
rufustfyrfly

One of the few redeeming moments from Death to Smoochy:

Tommy (Female Irish Gangster):
You like fairy tales, then?

Merv:
Yeah!

Tommy:
Jimmy, tell him the one about the worthless prick that got his head chopped off with an axe.
thequickbrownfox

Coen brothers well represented here, they really put some thought into developing their bad guys.

J. E. Freeman as Eddie the Dane in “Millers Crossing” is the greatest.

Why no Javier Bardem from “No Country for Old Men” ?
- benher
  
  Preach it! At least there was a bit o’ Blue Velvet so I can’t complain.
jhertzli

I thought the Monty Python quote would be “I’ll bite your kneecaps off!”
- Jake0748
  
  Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Pirate Jenny

Ah, I had the kind of day that made me need this. Love the “I’m gonna hit you so hard . . . ” series :)
sean

“Go on, run, you bastard! Run!!! You can run, but you can’t fuckin hide! Well, I guess you can hide! But if you don’t hide really really good I’ll probably find you one day and then you’ll be sorry!”
Ana …

I really like the Robocop one. Simple and not at all effective.
David Howe

Ah, right up there with the Talking Killer and the Hooker with a Heart of Gold. Gotta love the Lazy Screenwriter’s Toolbox. Nothing quite pads a movie like trash talk. Mix in some slow motion action and a car chase and you’ve got yourself a movie.
Tipoum

my favourite one this year is not from a movie :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceZNrEoj_zw
Graeme McGregor

Does “Get away from her you bitch” qualify as a threat?