Last December, Brandon Scott Gorrell compiled a notional list of Jay-Z's storied 99 problems. It seems pretty plausible to me:
52. Confusion regarding how frequent one should use Q-tips to remove earwax, due to information he read that stated, more or less, that Q-tips were damaging because earwax had specific, important functions to ear health and bodily orientation and that the removal of earwax simply stimulated the production of more earwax, rendering Q-tip usage asinine.
53. PayPal terms of service and customer service equally horrible and difficult to understand.
54. Still unable to defeat final boss on Nintendo’s Super Mario Bros. 3.
55. Quickly disintegrating upkeep of dental hygiene due to feelings of meaningless and apathy.
56. Navel lint.
57. Confusion regarding the moist towelettes vs. dry toilet paper debates via recently hearing moist towelettes were for some reason bad.
58. Trouble discerning which types of socks are in fashion.
A Speculative List Of Jay-Z’s 99 Problems
Jaya Saxena and Matt Lubchansky roast the Red Pill men’s rights movement in a scathing, scintillating, rhyming Dr Seuss parody that features such gems as: “They’re in the friendzone!/What a pity/Stuck in the orbit/Of a girl that’s pretty.”
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This preview of next season’s engines reveals categorical differences with the current specifications. (Reddit, amazingly, found the original.)
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