“Hello, Ravens & Crane”.
“This is Charles Wooly, may I speak with Mr. Crane please.”
“Certainly, may I say who’s calling?”
“Sure, go right ahead.”
“???”

If only they really were that honest.

Though half of them probably couldn’t read it anyway unless it contained phrases like “put down U phone bro”.

Here goes:
“Thank you for calling Smith and Brown, purveyors of fine widgets.  Merci d’avoir appellé Smith and Brown, deux têtes carrées qui ne parlent pas du tout le français.  Your call is very important to us, so please listen carefully to the entire menu, as it has changed recently.  Votre appel nous tient à coeur, c’est pourquoi nous vous demandons de faire tout le travail.  Ceci dit, veuillez écouter attentivement et choisir de parmi les options du menu suivant, qui n’a pas changé depuis que le présent système téléphone fut installé en 2002.”

They had all the employees practice it in the back room 3 times a week.  I think it’s called brainwashing?  Anyway I  started inadvertently doing that when answering the home and cellphones.

I also started reading off times to people in dollars and cents.  What time is it? “4 dollars and 59 cents…. oh! four fifty-nine.”

Then there’s “This is (name).” That was my standard for answering my work number. Apparently I said it so often that it became nearly robotic. Some people thought they’d reached voicemail.