Former BBG writer John Brownlee's 6,000-word iPhone 5 review covers all the bases: "any tech lover who could find this phone to be anything less than the most exciting piece of tech of the year has to be suffering from either an ennui or a cynicism that could only be measured on a cosmic scale." [Cult of Mac]

28 Responses to “6,000-word iPhone 5 review”

  1. The Curiosity Rover has to be a close second, though, right?

    • Paul Renault says:

      ..and the Large Hadron Collider a very close third?

      • Brainspore says:

        • The iPhone 5 can play “Angry Birds.”
        • If you try playing “Angry Birds” in the Large Hadron Collider you get a very expensive mess. 

        Point: iPhone.

        (Unless you can get someone else to clean up after those particle-accelerated parakeets, because I’d actually love to see that.)

        • Paul Renault says:

           What you do in the LHC is play “Angry Bosons”.  You put an iPhone 5 in the LHC at one of the detectors, and then…

          My guess is that the LHC would win, and win big.

    • fuzzyfuzzyfungus says:

      Surely you’ve seen Apple’s new “I’m a Mac; and I’m an aerospace rated RAD750 running Vxworks” ad… 

  2. eselqueso says:

    I’d read it if it wasnt on a crap site like Cult of Mac… The reporting, writing, editing and community management on that site is execrable. 

  3. royaltrux says:

    I’ll sum up the article for you: “Drrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolll”

  4. TheKaz1969 says:

    “What’s the truth? Is the iPhone 5 dull, or is it a major leap forward for Apple’s most iconic device?”

    It probably is a leap forward for the iPhone… for smartphone technology..? perhaps not. But for the iPhone — probably.

  5. Sagodjur says:

    My “cynicism that could only be measured on a cosmic scale” has been nourished on the underwhelming impact of previous “most exciting piece[s] of tech of the year.”

  6. scatterfingers says:

    My wallet sure thanks me for all the cynicism.

  7. James says:

    It’s a shiny thing. Some people really like shiny things.

  8. ZikZak says:

    My understanding of the review, after removing the star-crossed-lover filter:
    This new iphone is lighter than the old one.
    It is probably more durable.
    The new iphone has a bigger screen than the old one.
    The screen is longer, which changes the aspect ratio.
    The new screen shows images more clearly than the old one.
    It has a faster processor.
    This iphone supports a faster mobile data connection than the old one.
    It has a smaller data cable connector.
    It comes with new ear buds, which may be better than the old ear buds.

    Not sure which of these things are “the most exciting this year”, though…seems like incremental improvements and slight design tweaks on an existing product.  I can’t really think how my life would be any different if my phone were somewhat lighter, faster, and having a clearer screen.

    • Lurking_Grue says:

      To be sure it is a nice phone and some good incremental upgrades mixed with at least one glaring downgrade.   By far not the most exciting thing ever.

    • teapot says:

      This iphone supports a faster mobile data connection than the old one.
      ^but which is still significantly slower than USB3 (featured on other current phones). Don’t let fancy marketing terms like “lightning” fool you, people.

  9. jon29 says:

    tl;dr

    *sticks fingers in ears*

    LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU MAPS WORK GREAT EVERYTHING JUST WORKS

  10. Alex Schneider says:

    A whole page on aspect ratio. These people are just so cute!

  11. royaltrux says:

    “The device is so light that the first time I picked up my new iPhone 5 out of its box, I ended up pulling at it too hard and spastically hurling it across the room. The iPhone 5 makes the iPhone 4S feel like a lump of dark matter.”

    We’re talking about 28 grams here. Less than an ounce. I’m sure it feels a bit nicer in your hand but this is worthy of ridicule.

    • EH says:

      Shut up you cynical heartless bastard, that’s no way to talk about a phone that practically floats in the air.

    • stovedoor says:

       The larger screen area may have something to do with that, as the weight is spread over more of your hand.

      Anecdotally: the galaxy s3 feels much lighter to me than the iphone 4s, but there’s only 5 grams between them. lower surface area makes the iphone feel more dense.

  12. Lurking_Grue says:

    But this great achievement with it’s amazing mapping abilities is still tied to iTunes?  

  13. SamSam says:

    How did they manage to keep it to just 6000 words??

    Which leaves us the experience. Is a 16:9, 4-inch display experientially better than a 3:2, 3.5-inch display?

    After a few days of using the iPhone 5, I’d say yes. More vertical room allows for more text and information to be displayed on the iPhone 5, which means less scrolling. In Tweetbot, more tweets display; in a web browser, you can see more of a web page in a go. … Notification Center banners take up less of the display when they pop-up, as does Launch Center when you hit the home button twice. … More app icons fit on the homescreen and in folders. If you are typing in a text field, the onscreen keyboard takes up less of the vertical area of the display, allowing you to see more of what you’re typing.

    Amazing. Think of all the examples of what else can fit on a bigger screen they had to cut out in order to fit the article to 6000 words. A bigger screen means more lines of text in your email. A bigger screen means more lines of text in your text messages. A bigger screen means more lines of text in your morning news. A bigger screen means more lines of text in your tweets. Oh, shit, they said that one…

  14. Lurking_Grue says:

    Wait… 6000 words and he doesn’t review Maps??

  15. Dan Hibiki says:

    “Was the iPhone always supposed to have a 16:9 display? I seriously doubt it. But now that it’s here, it’s here for good. And it feels like this is the way the iPhone always should have been.”

    Oceania was at war with Eurasia; therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia.

  16. teapot says:

    Supposedly the iphone5 currently has, according to benchmarks, the most powerful processor in any smartphone on the market. Apart from this one thing (which will soon be outdone by other phones) the iphone5 is beaten on every imaginable spec by other phones.

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