Comments on: Drilling for Hoffa

By: niktemadur

niktemadur — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 22:04:00 +0000

Oooh, too soon, too soon!

Not tragedy + time = comedy, but that it’s gonna take 20-30 million years for Jimmy to… erm… lubricate your pistons.

By: Romeo Vitelli

Romeo Vitelli — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 01:53:00 +0000

Hoffa would make a good Winter Knight, come to think of it…

By: Paganator

Paganator — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 01:03:00 +0000

You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

By: awjt

awjt — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 00:14:00 +0000

Or chefs: they just make stock.

By: awjt

awjt — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 00:13:00 +0000

He will probably taste like an oil spot.

By: bzishi

bzishi — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 00:05:00 +0000

Don’t forget the pigs. Apparently humans taste like pork so the pigs find them delicious.

By: Antinous / Moderator

Antinous / Moderator — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 23:58:00 +0000

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to just weigh it down and dump it into Lake Michigan?

And have Mab resuscitate it?

By: Brainspore

Brainspore — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 23:39:00 +0000

Based on the quotes offered here it sounds like […] a (credible) tip about […] Hoffa.

I’m with you, dude. Sounds like Hoffa for sure.

By: ryuthrowsstuff

ryuthrowsstuff — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 23:27:00 +0000

Based on the quotes offered here it sounds like the police are acting on a (credible) tip about a body, and following through as required. Then everyone else involved is screaming Hoffa.

By: Kommkast

Kommkast — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 23:02:00 +0000

I think the purple gang used up all the good lakes as hiding spots, the bodies tend to float once the fish start eating and ligaments break.

By: Brainspore

Brainspore — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 21:56:00 +0000

As long as there’s still a body there’s a chance it could be found. Prudent body disposal experts use furnaces (or in the case of former chemistry teachers turned meth cooks, acid).

By: Romeo Vitelli

Romeo Vitelli — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 21:53:00 +0000

As for getting rid of Hoffa’s body, why bury it anywhere? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to just weigh it down and dump it into Lake Michigan? Concrete overshoes are a cliche for a reason…

By: Bearpaw01

Bearpaw01 — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 21:36:00 +0000

In other news, an expert team of researchers from RBBC-CC (Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Clown College) have been sent to the childhood home of Mitt Romney. They will investigate reports that when he was a child, he buried a jar somewhere in the yard, containing his sense of humor.

The team recently published a report on the cache of silver spoons found there last year, concluding that the mysterious marks on the spoons were probably the result of the spoons being used as teething toys.