Spam of the day

In reply:

• [Paul Coleman]

  International Pickles is my new band name.

• [Benjamin Palmer]

  Is there a link to customer support anywhere on this site? I’m trying to order pickles from the shop but all I can find are t-shirts and eyeball salt&pepper shakers. Please assist.

• [Nathan Hornby]

  Is this spam, or just a very confused customer?

  I used to run a certain 3D asset marketplace and we would get regular inquires about the fantastic prices we had on things like Ferraris and luxury homes for under $100. 

  People are incredible.

  • [angusm]

    You should never underestimate the stupidity of people on the Internet, but in this case I think it’s probably an example of what’s called an “overpayment scam”. In this scam, the scammer arranges to buy something, then pays with a bank draft or transfer worth more than the agreed price. They ask the victim to forward the balance to someone else – a confederate of the scammer, or an unwitting ‘money mule’ recruited through spam. The victim obligingly does so, at which point they discover that the bank draft was forged or that the transfer came from a phished bank account. The victim is now out whatever they sent to the scammer, and may also face criminal charges for money laundering or presenting a ‘forged financial instrument’.

    The scammer probably didn’t really mean “fries” in this case. One possible theory is that they intended to pretend that they wanted to buy electronic components such as computer chips. French fries are, of course, known as (potato) chips in the UK, so it’s not impossible that a dictionary or thesaurus used by the scammer somehow came up with the wrong translation. (A common spammer trick is to auto-substitute words in their boilerplate text for suggested synonyms from a thesaurus, leading to some comical results).

    • [Nathan Hornby]

      I really hope they meant chips and wrote fries. That would be amazing!
      As I’m in a pedantic mood though I would like to point out that ‘fries’ aren’t really a synonym for ‘chips’. We have fries in the UK, they’re those thin things without any potato in them that McDonalds serve. A chip is a chip. And a potato chip? Well that’s just what Americans call crisps.

      I would like to have a word with this spam artists thesaurus.

      • [Fnordius]

        Ooh, pedantic fail! :)

        Crisps are the UK/Irish term for what are labelled potato chips in the USA. And no, prawn flavoured crisps are not easily available outside of UK/EIR.

        • [Nathan Hornby]

          That’s exactly what I said! “And a potato chip? Well that’s just what Americans call crisps.”

          And you’re probably talking about Prawn COCKTAIL crisps. I’ve never seen Prawn flavoured crisps.

          Pedant man, away!

        • [Neal Matthews]

          Nathan, you and Finordius are actually in violent agreement, but your statement is grammatically ambiguous. Even the grammar translates differently across the pond. Your statement would be read by Americans as: “The American name for potato chips is “crisps”.” …which is clearly not accurate.

          The way to clearly state your intended meaning is:
          “And a potato chip? Well that’s the name Americans use for crisps.”

        • [Nathan Hornby]

          Now you point it out, I totally see it.

          Language ay?

        • [TheMadLibrarian]

           What, they don’t have shrimp chips in the stores where you live?  Heinous!

    • [Steve Hoefer]

      I get these all the time, they usually use random nouns that they pull from my site in an effort to appear more intelligent.  However when the offer to buy Shoehorn With Teeth it doesn’t seen particularly smart.

      I still haven’t figured out if they’re auto-generated or created by low-wage workers in non English-speaking countries. So it’s like a Turing test. 

      I’ll admit I’ve been tempted to reverse-scam these folks, tell them I have a container-ship full of Cat Hair Strap Muffins for them if only they can prove they’re a legitimate business.

      • [tylerdurden]

        “People should get beat up for statin’ their beliefs”!

      • [Nathan Hornby]

        How much does a Kilo of Cat Hair Strap Muffins go for these days?

        • [mccrum]

          How much are you interested in paying?  There’s a subtle bidding war going on, you’ll want to take advantage of my low rates before committing to another seller.

        • [Nathan Hornby]

          My Cat Hair Strap Muffin days are behind me, I’ll put the feelers out though.

• [Rob Beschizza]

  Look man, I have no idea what that is. No idea at all.

  • [Christopher]

    And it’s admirable that you leapt into the unknown feet first, playing as though you understood the rules.

• [John Hattan]

  I wrote two popular puzzle games called “Bulldozer” and “Duck Tiles”, and I get frequent emails from scammers who want me to sell them floor tiles and/or construction equipment on credit.

  I think they just harvest addresses from Google searches and send out thousands of emails hoping for a sucker.

• [acerplatanoides]

  I don’t want a pickle, I just wanna ride on my, motor-cicle. 

• [Nash Rambler]

  *voice of Orson Welles*. . .and thus, a mighty pickle empire was forged, with a fabrication that thrust Robert “Pickle Baron” Beschizza, into the hallowed halls of business legend.

• [TheKaz1969]

  Wasn’t James Bond in the import/export business..?

  • [Christopher]

    I could have sworn that was Art Vandelay.

    • [Missy Pants]

      I thought Art was an architect?

      • [Christopher]

        He always wanted to pretend to be an architect, but I think he got into the import/export business after he was turned down for a job as a latex salesman.

        And I’m pretty sure that being able to rattle all this off the top of my head when I can’t remember when to buy milk is a sign I need professional help.

        • [Missy Pants]

          LOL – but we won’t need to watch TV in the retirement homes, we’ll be able to sit and quote shows back and forth to each other all day!

          Also, you are right, he wanted to be an architect, but Jerry said no, which lead to “Oh, you don’t think I could be an architect”? 

  • [AlexG55]

    Just export.

    (Universal Export is one of the front organisations used by MI6 in the books. IIRC another one is the Empire Noise Abatement League).

    • [jackbird]

      In the Connery movies that’s been changed to the Aberdeen Noise Abatement League, Alex…

• [mmrtnt]

  Spam, fries and pickles.

  Is it lunch time already?

• [wysinwyg]

  Dear Rob,

  Please post more often.

  Sincerely,

  The Internet

• [Jesse in Japan]

  You should have sent something more pithy like, “Certainly. Your fries have already been shipped and should arrive within the next two days. Would you like a hamburger or drink to go with that?”

  • [nowimnothing]

    But it is the International Pickles LLC logo that sells the joke.

• [Mike Castellaneta]

  International Pickies? Sounds like it’s the State Department’s DBA

• [IronEdithKidd]

  I usually just write back “419 scams make baby Jesus cry”.

• [WaylonWillie]

  If you could provide a link to download your stationery form, you would be providing a great service to humanity.

• [Henry Pootel]

  Unbelievable.  The domain is still available.

  Alas someone already has pickleworld.com and globalpickles.com as well as pickleplanet.com. But pickleuniverse.com is available as well as worldwidepickles.com.

  Oh and uh, picklegeek.com is available too.

  So many good business ideas here…