your reading comprehension problems are you own, troll.

Cub, you’re the one using exaggerated, vague language (“the eternal white hats in all things technological”) and displaying an obsession with cultural status-flags (“smug grandaddy hipsters”) to describe your dislike for Apple’s advertising. It’s not trolling for someone to ask you to back your arguments up with plain-spoken, verifiable statements. If you find yourself unable to do so, maybe that’s a sign that you need to stop and think more clearly about what you’re saying. 

If someone forced me to make an apology, I will do my best to minimize the extent of my apology, especially if I didn’t mean it.

Not really a fair comparison.  As a corporate entity, Apple is unable to feel contrition and so literally can’t “mean it” when it comes to any kind of apology.  But that’s why the “apology” is kind of irrelevant here.  A fairer comparison:  What if you lied about something for your own gain and then got called out on the lie?  Would you “minimize the extent” of owning up to having lied? 

and were less evil than shell, exxon, or texaco at the time.

Actually, I don’t see how an oil company claiming to be”beyond petroleum” is all that different from the Apple ads in terms of corporate sliminess.

AND?

Woz is awesome. He’s a hilarious guy who seems to just love living (see: organizing local polo matches on Segway scooters). He was absolutely vital to Apple’s early success. But who cares if he’s mentioned on their website–Apples trying to sell current products. They’re not a history museum.

On a road-sign, way less usable.

You know, Apple’s co-founder. 

The inventor of both the original Apple I and especially the Apple II, which initially made Apple Co. a billion dollar plus company. 

And it was the Apple I, and particularly the Apple II, which provided Steve Jobs the opportunity to market and sell a real, ground-breaking product. 

And yet, not one single reference to or search result for “the Woz,” without whom there would never have been an Apple, Inc.

Truly amazing. Or, Orwellian.

I see the odd benefit to it, but for what it’s worth I’m a designer and its not a feature I’ve ever desired. Maybe if i ever designed content or interactions for portrait monitors it’d become a more imperative need.
But as it stands I imagine it would create quite a stress point in an iMac, given that it would rotate the entire computer – and I think it’s safe to say that it’s a niche requirement.

Do you choose other things by purely by specs? Such as a friend, a wife/husband, pair of jeans etc.

No we don’t because we realise that most of the things in our lives cannot be reduced to simple numbers. And when people build things for us, they use what’s called ‘design’, and that’s why Apple is successful. Because they realise that for most consumers doing something efficiently and elegantly is better than being able to say, ‘hey, it’s doesn’t work that well, but my chip has more Ghz than yours’.