Comments on: An interesting letter, which may or may not relate to Petraeus (Update: NYT says it's unrelated)

By: tubacat

tubacat — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 05:44:00 +0000

Can anyone say “Clinton Global Initiative”?

After all, the simplest explanation is usually the right one…

By: kdfaire

kdfaire — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 21:34:00 +0000

This has to be one of the most intelligent, respectable groups of commenters on the internet. I love Boing Boing.

By: Antinous / Moderator

Antinous / Moderator — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 20:43:00 +0000

Extramarital sex isn’t about sex; it’s about extramarital.

By: M Alovert

M Alovert — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 19:09:00 +0000

Good book on attitudes towards marital infidelity in several countries (the Amazon summary is horrible, the book isn’t): http://www.amazon.com/Lust-Translation-Infidelity-Tokyo-Tennessee/dp/0143113291

By: onereader

onereader — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 19:06:00 +0000

You’re missing the point, and the point is _honesty_.

We’re married and you feel the irrepressible need to have a sexual relation with another man/woman? No problem, you tell me _before_ the fact so I can evaluate and decide if it’s “ok, I can live with that” or “if you do that, I’m outta here” and accordingly you can decide if the new relationship is more important than the old one or not.

If you go behind my back, you’re just a despicable excuse for a human being.

IMHO, of course.

By: onereader

onereader — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 19:06:00 +0000

You’re missing the point, and the point is _honesty_.

If you go behind my back, you’re just a despicable excuse for a human being.

IMHO, of course.

By: jackbird

jackbird — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 18:46:00 +0000

It’s way more murky than ownership. You want them to be happy, but you also want them to want you to be happy. There is a point at which every person in every relationship (romantic or otherwise) will say to themselves “The emotional energy I’m investing in this person is not being reciprocated in a way that’s fulfilling; I need to move on.”

This could happen an hour into a cross-country plane flight, or after 20 years of marriage; but the overall process is the same.

Not wanting to be treated like shit doesn’t mean you’re instantiating the patriarchy.

By: cdh1971

cdh1971 — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 18:43:00 +0000

Actually, it was the Romney campaign behind Sandy – fortunately it backfired. How’d they do it? One word: Magnets

By: cdh1971

cdh1971 — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 18:39:00 +0000

Yes, this is where the comparison to swingers fails.

By: cdh1971

cdh1971 — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 18:36:00 +0000

I agree, and to clarify, I don’t believe at all that Benghazi was a conspiracy. I was just having a bit of fun.

By: cdh1971

cdh1971 — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 18:32:00 +0000

I agree, with you on all points. FTR, I don’t actually think the Gen. or his peeps had anything to do with Benghazi.

By: waetherman

waetherman — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 16:39:00 +0000

This isn’t just a case of Petraeus picking up some woman in a bar in Brussels – there was an active FBI investigation that involved this woman, and at least the suggestion that she had access to his email. It’s not clear whether she was the target of the FBI investigation or not, or what kind of access she had, but either way it significantly impugns the reputation of the office of the head of the CIA to be having an affair under these circumstances, and suggests some really poor judgment.

I think in the coming days we’ll hear more about how extensive this was and how Petraeus may have given “improper access” to her, whether that’s in the form of email access, access to documents or just pillow talk.

By: Sekino

Sekino — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 16:19:00 +0000

As far as Petraeus is concerned, I don’t know whether resigning for an affair was an appropriate thing to do (there WAS the point that having affairs opened one to the risk of blackmail and security issues). I don’t really care that much either way to be honest.

But I don’t think it’s the mere concept of polyamourous relations that makes people look down on cheating, it is largely the deception (that’s why it’s called ‘cheating’).

It also doesn’t have that much to do with ‘ownership’, it’s about honesty and trust. It also has a lot to do with availability and commitment: An engaged relationship, especially if there are children involved, requires a LOT of time and investment. I mean, realistically (in many lifestyles anyway), by the time you factor in career and such, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for quality time, romance and family. Divide that by several lovers and you’ve got a really complex work/life/love management task on your hands. If one can have several lovers, keeping them ALL properly informed and fulfilled AND if he/she can also manage to be invested in ALL of these lovers less glamourous/sexy needs (emotional support, health care if one is ill, child-rearing, intimate- yet non sexual- companionship, etc…), then, hey, party on!!

I agree that it’s pointless to expect ALL people to be monogamous if it’s not their personality. But there should be honesty and communication in all types of relationships.

By: MurasakiMadness

MurasakiMadness — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 16:07:00 +0000

Sad though, on principle.

The man isn’t obviously vulnerable to blackmail after seemingly easily admitting to the affair, and publicly at that.
My guess on why a resignation would be necessary is that there would be an outcry to have him resign anyway, which would make things messier.

By: Jim Saul

Jim Saul — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 16:06:00 +0000

While that’s a perfect choice, that brings to mind just how much the mistress looks like Joan Cusack.

By: MurasakiMadness

MurasakiMadness — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 15:48:00 +0000

That’s true. Though I’d really love to see more people take Obama’s cue and ignore attempted extortion.

“Gen. Petraeus! Someone has a photo of you with your lover!”
“Whatevs” *sips matcha*

By: MurasakiMadness

MurasakiMadness — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 15:41:00 +0000

It’s like group therapy! But with less sex :P

By: dr drofub

dr drofub — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 15:06:00 +0000

one word

By: dr drofub

dr drofub — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 15:06:00 +0000

polyamory

By: Cepphus Grylle

Cepphus Grylle — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 15:00:00 +0000

“I halfway suspect you’re writing this letter because you want specific people to read this column and deduce who is involved and what’s really going on behind closed doors (without actually addressing the conflict in person). That’s not ethical, either.”

But, Hey we are happy to help you along by printing your unethical letter.

By: Snig

Snig — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 14:10:00 +0000

Jon Cusak, so it still may go Rom Com, and I might end up being with an attractive spy that I’m actually much more compatible with.

By: Snig

Snig — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 13:24:00 +0000

Benghazi only works as a fiasco if you’re predisposed to hating Obama. Four people tragically died, and it was conflated to be a massive tragedy of impeachable offence. It’s a dangerous area, and these sort of incidents happen regardless of who’s president. Compared to the marine barrack bombing or the Iraq war, it doesn’t really rank.

By: euansmith

euansmith — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 13:16:00 +0000

I’d certainly think twice before trying to blackmail a guy who controls the CIA :D

By: Alois Senefelder

Alois Senefelder — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 13:06:00 +0000

The reasoning is that if someone has a secret like this, and if they care enough to keep that secret, they could be blackmailed into providing services or rendering aid to anyone who knows that secret, including foreign powers.

By: John Morrison

John Morrison — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 13:05:00 +0000

Our head spy-master couldn’t keep one lousy mistress secret? Sounds like he wasn’t qualified for the job then, regardless of his politics.

By: quigglyboom

quigglyboom — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 12:17:00 +0000

The Iraq war certainly was.

By: humanresource

humanresource — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 11:17:00 +0000

Petraeus has had enormous experience getting similar groups to work for him, in Iraq and Afghanistan (Sons of Iraq etc). So does the CIA, for that matter (eg: the Mujahideen). I have no idea if the theory is true, but its not something that Petraeus would find hard to organise.

By: euansmith

euansmith — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 10:52:00 +0000

The bit I can’t understand is why the Head of the CIA resigned? If having an affair is the worst thing he is doing, he obviously isn’t doing his job right.

By: Boundegar

Boundegar — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 09:59:00 +0000

Because Muslim terror cells are usually obedient to American generals. I’ll bet he was behind Sandy as well – the bastard!

By: kdfaire

kdfaire — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 09:00:00 +0000

Rindan is right.
You have to look at it this way; if you truly love your wife, then don’t you want her to be happy? You don’t actually own her. The thought of saying that she cannot sleep with anyone else is purely vanity and insecurity. If you love them, you would want them happy, no matter what that means. The only betrayal that exit is the one that society says you should place on infidelity.
And the fact is if you can’t handle it, for one reason or another, then you should move on. Just make sure you’re doing it for yourself, and not what society believes is right. And the fact is, if you like the guy, wouldn’t it stand to reason that your wife would find the same quality in him as you do? Why would you deny her the right to love another? Do you deny her the right to love your kids, her first boyfriend, or her friends?
The problem with society is that they still think that marrying someone means to own them. That is what marriage originally was, that is where the tradition of the father giving his daughter away to the husband came from. It was a transfer of ownership. This is no longer the case. And society needs to understand that.