Best Petraeus conspiracy theory summary ever, from a BB commenter

"Now the Global Left/Soros/Cloward-Piven/Eric Holder/Mau Mau endgame approaches. Get ready for CIA Director Dennis Kucinich." From BB commenter SedanChair comes this gem of analytical bravado, a summary of farthest-of-far right-wing conspiracy theories on Petraeusgate.


    1.  I can’t count how many mainstream media outlets seem to be flummoxed that a general could have possibly failed to control his penis. Yeah! Because generals don’t have sex unless their partners are laying at attention, John Phillip Sousa is playing and the Viagra is red, white and blue.

    2. The mistress seems to be a pretty incredible person herself; I’d chalk the whole thing up to good taste on both their parts. I still feel, however, that anyone who can’t cover up their own extramarital affair has no business protecting the government’s secrets. 

    1. I’d been rooting for Ron Paul for CIA, as a way for Obama to give the Republicans some offices for their party members.  But I’ll take Kucinich, if Obama’s not putting him at the Pentagon.

      1.  Really? Cause I haven’t heard any right wingers put Benghazi and this episode together yet. I guess I can’t be as silly as they are, even when I try.

  1. Broadwell reminds me very much of “Astro -Nut” from a few years back–you know, the gal who drove from Texas to Florida and attacked her NASA boyfriend’s other mistress. A smart, athletic sociopath.

  2. This is exactly why I DON’T believe in vast conspiracies. If the CIA can’t keep a sex scandal quiet – of all the entities to make a problem “disappear” – how would they keep some sprawling conspiracy a secret? Another example is Clinton’s BJ. 

  3. I’m a single middle aged guy who’s merely hoping it all helps 20-40-something women see what adventure there is in playing with the old guys…ladies, I have a gmail account and I bet I know some gov’t secrets, how ’bout it?

    1. If you do this, you might avoid going on and on about “The Company.” It’s my understanding that the only people who this are either in old movies, or are just posturing around, and never had any connection to the CIA at all. 

  4. “I don’t often buy into right-wing conspiracy theories, but clearly Petraeus started an affair last year to avoid testifying about Benghazi.” — Andy Borowitz

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