Man arrested for repeatedly sneaking onto farm, covering himself in dung and masturbating

A man has been arrested for repeatedly sneaking onto a farm in Cornwall, England, covering himself in cow-shit and masturbating. This is the third time he was caught at it.

It sounds like he really made the farm-owners' lives miserable. From a This is the West Country article:

“The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader and set fire to outbuildings, killing livestock in frustration when they cleaned out their farm equipment in an attempt to stop him from this lewd and obscene habit.”

Pervert caught pleasuring himself in slurry for third time (via JWZ)


        1. It’s better to reget something you have done than it is to regret something you haven’t. And if you happen to see your mother, would you be sure to tell her…

        2. Well, son, the funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven’t done. And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, will you be sure and tell her…

  1. Can only associate masturbation with filth … i blames the church.  the dirty dirty church (and the texture of the Hessian underthings).

    1.  As a clinical psychologist I can say I had the same thought as you. Of course he’d need to fully assessed, which I imagine would be quite an interesting interview.

      1. Wow.  I cannot think of a better definition/image for a troll, than someone who covers themselves in shit and jerks off to the detriment of everyone around him, all in an attempt to pleasure himself.  Kind of a quasi-rape.
        Kudos on the association.

  2. “Wednesday 2nd March 2011”
    This delay may be due to it being on the Devon internet in which it takes 15 months for stories to leak out into the wider world.

    The farmers should have just charged him £20/hour.

    1. when i was in school, one of my teachers had a farm, and he told me once that he would charge interested parties (pre-internet, no idea how he found them… maybe they just came asking?) for “alone time” with his sheep. uhhh, yeah.

    1. Right? Set fire to buildings and killed livestock!? Seems a bit more significant. What, did they have to wait for him to masturbate to make it a crime?

  3. For a security deposit and an hourly fee I would be willing to let him have the run of my cow manure before I add it to my composting pile. 

      1. YES, well done and thank you!
        Here’s my candidate for a Culture ship name:  Rude & Ambiguous Noises.

  4. ‘When police officers arrived soon after, they found him covered in a large amount of slurry and mud, in a quagmire, surrounded by tissues.’

    He didn’t want to get his filth dirty?

  5. Can’t get that dumb Monty Python joke out of my head right now, so I’m gonna let it out here.

    What’s brown and sounds like a bell?  Duuuung!

    Here’s the weird thing – in any other circumstance, I text this joke to somebody and that’s what it is, a joke.
    But for this pyromaniac paraphiliac, it would be sexting.

    1.  That joke was a joke before Python was even a glimmer in anybody’s eye. Same vintage as those funny book titles like Muck on The Garden Wall by Hoo Flung Dung. Not even sure that’s PC these days. We were woefully ignorant of such concerns in 1950-something. Maybe I’d better leave aside anything that might refer to race/language/etc and stick with Hungry Baby by Norah Titsoff.

      Look… I was only six or seven at the time… 

  6. BELIEVE me – The ONLY reason I came in here was to read the comments. As always, boing boingers do not disappoint…

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