Man arrested for repeatedly sneaking onto farm, covering himself in dung and masturbating

A man has been arrested for repeatedly sneaking onto a farm in Cornwall, England, covering himself in cow-shit and masturbating. This is the third time he was caught at it.

It sounds like he really made the farm-owners' lives miserable. From a This is the West Country article:

“The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader and set fire to outbuildings, killing livestock in frustration when they cleaned out their farm equipment in an attempt to stop him from this lewd and obscene habit.”

Pervert caught pleasuring himself in slurry for third time (via JWZ)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE: crime • Sex • uk • Weird

More at Boing Boing

Eurovision 2013: An American in London

The technology that links taxonomy and Star Trek

mtdna

Dad???
- Cowicide
  
  Yes, son?
  - lewis_stoole
    
    what does regret mean?
    - anderalert
      
      It’s better to reget something you have done than it is to regret something you haven’t. And if you happen to see your mother, would you be sure to tell her…
      - Cowicide
        
        Damn, you beat me to it. Cheers!
    - Cowicide
      
      Well, son, the funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven’t done. And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, will you be sure and tell her…
      
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwknFJpjl9g
- C.J. Hayes
  
  Unless you were born from the earth, I doubt it.
theophrastvs

Can only associate masturbation with filth … i blames the church. the dirty dirty church (and the texture of the Hessian underthings).
- C W
  
  I’m just shocked he wasn’t a megapastor on their requisite meth binge.
http://twitter.com/HubrisSonic HubrisSonic

I’m not a professional, so all caveats apply but, this guy might be nuts.
- apoxia
  
  As a clinical psychologist I can say I had the same thought as you. Of course he’d need to fully assessed, which I imagine would be quite an interesting interview.
http://glitch.tl/ Michael Smith

He needs to get his own farm like everybody else.
- lewis_stoole
  
  or pay a fee for its use like everybody else.
http://twitter.com/bradgall Brad Gall

The true reason for the second amendment.
- lectroid
  
  except that this is in the UK. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t apply there.
  - http://twitter.com/bradgall Brad Gall
    
    Why to you think they moved in the first place.
    - Jake0748
      
      So you can shoot a guy for jerking off in your cow pasture? What a country.
      - http://twitter.com/bradgall Brad Gall
        
        If he’s also killing you livestock and trying to burn down your house then hell yes.
      - blueelm
        
        Not to mention your kids are the ones to find him too.
        
        How was this guy not already locked up again?
Stooge

Life imitating art again…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaeecIwCqk0
acerplatanoides

That farm needs better moderators.
- Peppermint
  
  Word. They have a serious troll problem.
  - bklynchris
    
    Wow. I cannot think of a better definition/image for a troll, than someone who covers themselves in shit and jerks off to the detriment of everyone around him, all in an attempt to pleasure himself. Kind of a quasi-rape.
    Kudos on the association.
    - acerplatanoides
      
      You are very welcome.
http://twitter.com/mikemcl mikemcl

“Wednesday 2nd March 2011″
This delay may be due to it being on the Devon internet in which it takes 15 months for stories to leak out into the wider world.

The farmers should have just charged him £20/hour.
- http://twitter.com/amanicdroid Dr. Chronobiologist
  
  I know, right? Free market principles and no regulation godsdamn it.
- franko
  
  when i was in school, one of my teachers had a farm, and he told me once that he would charge interested parties (pre-internet, no idea how he found them… maybe they just came asking?) for “alone time” with his sheep. uhhh, yeah.
  - GawainLavers
    
    Ovine prostitution.
- http://twitter.com/EssBen Ben Rosenthal
  
  doh, didn’t realise it was the same old story re-posted.
Antinous / Moderator

I love how his jerking off is the big story despite his history of arson.
- blueelm
  
  Right? Set fire to buildings and killed livestock!? Seems a bit more significant. What, did they have to wait for him to masturbate to make it a crime?
  - Stooge
    
    No, that’s just what it takes to get covered here.
- knappa
  
  and killing the livestock
  - Cowicide
    
    Oh, George… not the livestock…
- IamInnocent
  
  Except, possibly, if he sets stuff on fire masturbating.
  - acerplatanoides
    
    or -by- masturbating.
    - IamInnocent
      
      Wow. I wonder if there is a scout badge for this skill?
- Just_Ok
  
  Well, if he set the fires, then masturbated, he could say he was trying to put the fire out.
- Ipo
  
  It makes sense once you figure out that those were friction fires.
  Do you smoke after sex?
http://www.aarongilliland.com/ Aaron Gilliland

“-as he has masturbated in a muck spreader-”

That’s a bit recursive…
equidae

For a security deposit and an hourly fee I would be willing to let him have the run of my cow manure before I add it to my composting pile.
Cowicide

possession of extreme pornographic images in relation to animals

Great name for band.
- DevinC
  
  dot tumblr dot com.
- http://twitter.com/siegarettes omar elaasar
  
  You realize that quote goes perfectly with your username, yes?
- C.J. Hayes
  
  Acronymized it’d be PEPIRA. I could swing that.
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=13001904 Jeremy Sweeney
  
  Too long. Would just get acronymified. Probably a goregrind band.
  - Cowicide
    
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butthole_Surfers#Name
- OgilvyTheAstronomer
  
  Or a Culture ship name.
  - niktemadur
    
    YES, well done and thank you!
    Here’s my candidate for a Culture ship name: Rude & Ambiguous Noises.
Petzl

Working on a sex farm

Hosing down your barn door

Bothering your livestock

They know what I need
V

Well, there go my weekend plans….
http://twitter.com/HubrisSonic HubrisSonic

Its called the Aristocrats!
bowlasoup

He was just summoning the WSD.
http://www.rathergood.com/demon
- Ipo
  
  That was horrible. Thanks.
- GawainLavers
  
  Wow. Shortest time to…”and it’s on the internet” ever.
http://profiles.google.com/spacewatcer Marios P.

holly cow!
RJ

For punishment, they’ll have a busty woman in latex rub his nose in it and call him a bad boy.
http://newnumber6.livejournal.com Peter

Caught for the third time?

Well, he’s in deep $#!+ now.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=604100000 Matt Fisher

Shittiest orgasm ever.
http://twitter.com/Ted_Hammond Ted Hammond

This would fall under the “Three strokes you’re out” law…
Orthodoxcaveman

It’s a White thing, you wouldn’t understand.
welcomeabored

‘When police officers arrived soon after, they found him covered in a large amount of slurry and mud, in a quagmire, surrounded by tissues.’

He didn’t want to get his filth dirty?
http://undulantfever.blogspot.com/ Bruce Arthurs

At last we know the answer to the question posed in COLD COMFORT FARM: “And did the sheep die?”
Robert Cruickshank

His facebook friends now really glad they trashed all those Farmville invites.
http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns

Something tells me he’ll enjoy prison.
Don Martin

Aw come on, who of us here hasn’t done that several times in our lives?
GawainLavers

Cornwall.
lewis_stoole

which country or state will be the first to allow farm brothels?
OgilvyTheAstronomer

That boy needs therapy.
- http://www.facebook.com/jaytraveller Jay Sanchez
  
  its psychosomatic
niktemadur

Can’t get that dumb Monty Python joke out of my head right now, so I’m gonna let it out here.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Duuuung!

Here’s the weird thing – in any other circumstance, I text this joke to somebody and that’s what it is, a joke.
But for this pyromaniac paraphiliac, it would be sexting.
- Thad
  
  That joke was a joke before Python was even a glimmer in anybody’s eye. Same vintage as those funny book titles like Muck on The Garden Wall by Hoo Flung Dung. Not even sure that’s PC these days. We were woefully ignorant of such concerns in 1950-something. Maybe I’d better leave aside anything that might refer to race/language/etc and stick with Hungry Baby by Norah Titsoff.
  
  Look… I was only six or seven at the time…
snagglepuss

BELIEVE me – The ONLY reason I came in here was to read the comments. As always, boing boingers do not disappoint…
Frank Diekman

Why did he do it?

Because he was shit faced!

ZING!