As is usually the case in times of unthinkable horror, The Onion just fucking nails it:
Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault rifle—a fucking combat rifle, Jesus—walked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live.
I mean, honestly, all 315 million Americans confirmed.
“Well, I suppose we have to try to pick up the pieces and make some sort of sense of this tragedy and—you know what? Fuck it, I can’t do this,” said Connecticut resident Michael Zaleski, his remarks understandable given the circumstances, because, holy shit, what else can one say? “I’m sorry, but I can’t fucking do this. Can you? Can anyone?”
Fuck Everything, Nation Reports
'Just Illegalize Us Already,' Nation's Assault Weapons Beg
Report: It Okay To Spend Rest Of Day Curled In Fetal Position Under Desk
Right To Own Handheld Device That Shoots Deadly Metal Pellets At High Speed Worth All Of This
Just days after yet another mass shooting in America, Tennessee’s Lieutenant Governor says Christians who are ‘serious about their faith’ should consider buying guns. The unbelievably idiotic decree to God-fearing citizens by Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey (R) was delivered via Facebook, where indeed, so many idiotic decrees are delivered.
At Launa Hall’s public school, they do regular “lockdown” drills with all the kids, including her 4- and 5-year-old kindergarten students, who have to be crowded into a locked closet and convinced to stay silent without terrifying them so much that they start crying.
If you don’t have the patience to learn lockpicking, and a bolt cutter isn’t dramatic enough, you might try shooting at the lock. Achieving success is more difficult than movies would have you believe though. (Demolition Ranch)
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