Amanda Palmer cancels part of her tour to care for a friend with cancer

I think this post, and the decision and emotional commitment behind it, is a profoundly beautiful thing: "cancer. canceling. postponing. waiting. growing."

I had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Palmer recently, and we talked about cancer. What it's like to have it, and what it's like to lose someone you love to it, as my boyfriend just did. And, about her friend; the decision she was wrestling with and ultimately made and shared with the world.

Amanda's blog post came out during a week when I was going through tons of medical tests and scans and exams, exactly a year after my diagnosis of breast cancer, and a couple months after my primary treatment ended. So, I was distracted with coping with "scanxiety" and PTSD, and couldn't focus on giving Amanda's post the attention it deserved. But my year of hell is drawing to a close. The news I'm living with now is good, and I'm grateful for each day.

I have learned so much this year about what matters. I think Amanda and I have that in common. I applaud her for putting love above all.

• [ocker3]

  It is a good thing to celebrate someone’s humanity

• [AwesomeRobot]

  She seems nicer than she used to be.

  • [Glenn Fleishman]

     You seem more passive aggressive than you used to be.

• [chgoliz]

  Many (most?) people in the world do not have a friend who would do this.

  • [sievetronix]

    Most people in the world can’t afford to leave their jobs to do this.

    • [mindysan33]

       You have the inside track on her personal finances?

      • [sievetronix]

        Really? Look, I responded because there was an implication that most people wouldn’t be there for their friends wouldn’t be there for their friends, spouses,kids ect ect. When in reality they can’t, they can’t afford it. 

        And no I don’t know her personal finances but I can guess she can afford it, because she is doing it.

        • [chgoliz]

          Most people don’t work a job that takes them all over the world and is such that NO ONE (literally) can take their place if they are unable to show up to work on a particular day.

          If she had a “normal” day job in the local area, she wouldn’t have to quit for a year in order to be there for her friend.  It is the particular circumstances of her work, rather than finances, that drive this decision.

        • [chgoliz]

          That wasn’t an implication, it was a statement (of amazement, of envy, of witness).

          Statistically, couples in which one spouse gets a major medical diagnosis have a much higher likelihood of breaking up than the average couple.  Friends mean well, but weeks turn into months and you still haven’t heard from them.

          It has nothing to do with income level.  What percentage is fear, or laziness, or selfishness, I don’t know.  But the fact is, this level of commitment to a friend in need is remarkable because it is so rare.

        • [mindysan33]

          My point was How do you know that this decision does not mean a financial hardship for her? I’m not saying it is or isn’t, because I don’t know. You are making an assumption about her situation. She is not doing the thing which pays her bills. Also, there really is no sort of security in cultural careers like this, so there is that.
          [edited for clarity]
          Also – note that chgoliz says “friends” not family. I think he has a point about some not taking this sort of time out for friends (family, of course usually goes without saying).

        • [sievetronix]

          Look it wasn’t even really about her. It was about the implication that everyone else in the world (or at least most of the people in the world) wouldn’t do this for a lover, relative, friend ect. Many would but the option to take time off from work, family and other obligations is simply impossible. Many people would do that even if it would cause them hardship, but hardship(and this is a very subjective term) is not the same as survival and I don’t like the implication that someone with money and the means to do so gets super extra good people points. It it is another backhanded way people with money get to look down on the poor, working class and others who simply cannot drop everything to be by someones side no matter how much they want to.

          If you can do it great. But never say…and I quote.
          “Many (most?) people in the world do not have a friend who would do this.”  

          Many do have that friend/family/support group but they can’t. 

• [Cheri Elkins]

  Why are there even any negative/criticizing comments on this? It seems there a couple of Internet Contrarians on here. Let’s just be supportive, yeah?

  • [mindysan33]

     Agreed.  You don’t like Palmer, fine. Don’t buy her albums, don’t got to her concerts, don’t read her blog, don’t follow her on the twitters, etc and so on.  I think there is a contingent of folks who just don’t like her and will never like her, and hence will just be critical of everything she does.

    • [MrWednesday7]

      Haters got to hate.

    • [toyg]

      It’s just Newtonian physics. She’s very active and successful in self-publicizing (and rightly so), hence the reaction.

      Also known as: haters gonna hate.

      • [mindysan33]

         I also suspect (at least for some haters) a certain level of sexism. 

• [technosean]

  May you all have such beautiful people in your life.