A most interestingly named corporation (NSFW language)

The best corporation in all of America: Murderfuck Industries Inc.

Murderfuck is the premier service for directed talent and assistance for market-facing service offerings. We offer strategic solutions and value-added, tactical team-players for firms and companies dealing in both emerging technologies and user-oriented product bases. We have been consistently ranked as a resource, and our unique client-initiative model has been recognized as being the most consistently efficient methodology for our own effective customer relations.

(thanks, Joe Sabia!)

• [vonbobo]

  I use these guys for all of my corporate control solutions, and enhancing upward mobility of my performance demographics. 

  • [Isaac Marx]

    And breeding rituals – don’t forget the breeding rituals.

    • [TrollyMcTrollington]

       goats.

    • [Itsumishi]

      Their Green Slavery and Amphetamine distribution packages have always been their main selling point for my multipurpose global package outreach corporation.

• [Articulatory Loop]

  I may work with these people. Just this morning, I received a document “just for final edits” which contained the following:

  “When a manager establishes that an organization is navigating the use of a particular tool or approach to project deliverables, but does not have awareness of a similar organization using the approach in the field or access to information on this particular topic, a manager can share the topic area with other managers to generate recommended approaches or identify peer organizations.”

  Obviously, I’ve derailed my entire day to rewrite all 32 pages.

  • [blueelm]

    Ugh… why? Seriously, why do people start writing that way when the subject pertains to work? There has to be some kind of linguistic or sociological rule here. There’s clearly an expected register, but somehow attempting it primarily results English that seems like it was run back and forth between Japanese and “Scientologist” in Google translate.

    • [Boundegar]

      If we write clearly, the boss might actually understand what we wrote.  And it might be wrong, or different from what the boss wanted.  Safety is everything.

      • [Gulliver]

        Not necessarily. I graded clarity at employee evaluations because writing intentionally obfuscatory memos wastes company time, lowers worker morale and seriously pisses the boss (me) off.

• [sammyf]

  First I was going “Yes!”, then I read the comments on the side, and went “man!”

• [Joe DiMaggio]

  It’s about time that these guys got some competition: huhcorp.com

• [Steve White]

  I expect a cease and desist letter from MerderPhuck Consultants at any minute. 

• [awjt]

  It’s only a matter of time before the Rise of the Necros.

• [IanEdgar]

  Found scrawled on the chalkboard at No Name Bar.

  http://ianedgar.tumblr.com/post/38487909685/toilet-pinball-muderfuck

• [Johnny Farnen]

  By utilizing Murderfuck’s services, we were able to expand our culture of paradigm rejection and increase our profits in distributing for these guys:

  http://www.alliedchemical.com/products/index.html

• [CHilke]

  formerly Goldman Sachs

• [Over the River]

  Murderfuck was established in 1995 by communications magnate Walter Q. Pistachio. Though he passed away in 2001 from bear-related complications, Murderfuck has carried on his proud legacy of innovation and directed leadership.

  That will do it every time.

• [Little Red Reviewer]

  I need to update my resume anyways. . .  maybe i should put a fake entry down the list saying I worked for Murderfuck, just to see if anyone is paying attention.

• [JhmL]

  This is the one where Patrick Bateman works?

• [Brood-X]

  Schwag?