After she received it the next day after hobbling around with only one shoe, she and a friend stole my pillow and mailed it back to me. Apparently the mailman thought all this was hilarious and wanted to know what these crazy kids were going to mail next.

So true

If you can put postage and an address on it, you can mail it.

I thought I’d forgotten some obscure meaning of the word metaphor.

Edit: I need a definition for common typo/future neologism “versino”.

Also, I need a neologism for “future neologism”.

Here’s an example:
a frankincense is a lanyard: eurythmic, but not shrimplike Which roughly translates to:

An aromatic compound frequently used in incense is a piece of rope worn around the neck to hold objects at the ready; in harmony with its surrounds, but not like a shrimp.

If the seller questions the customer about their claim that they were shipped the wrong item, the seller is likely to respond with incoherent hate mail in the comments and ratings, which can have a serious negative impact.  The seller usually has to cave to the customers demands.

There is no such thing as “free shipping.”  There is only shipping someone else paid for.  Maybe I could order 500 different throw pillows, and keep only one, and expect other customers to pay for shipping the other 499 and expecting the seller to eat the cost of the 499 pillows.  Not to mention the army of FedEx trucks that are zooming around the country for my original delivery and all the returns.  And in real life, people order the pillow by looking at the pictures and ignoring the descriptions, because they know they aren’t going to keep them or pay for them.

People do this because they are lazy, or stoned, or hoarders, or maybe they are just lonely.

That’s why sellers ship direct and they have a restock fee.

When you see an item listed with a similar “frequently bought together” item, people are buying multiple items with the obvious intention of returning them, and they be claiming these items are “defective” in order to trigger a full refund.  Then the item vanishes back into the Amazon warehouse system, so the seller has lost control of their inventory.  Often the items “purchased together” are not even similar items except looking smiliar.

Customers actually ADMIT that they do not read the product description before ordering, they just look at the picture, assuming that they will get free shipping off all the stuff they order.

I’ve spent $1,300 at Amazon this year on stuff I didn’t want, but I’ve gone up six levels in “annoying troll!”

Here’s a website I developed that offers a more targeted ”aleatory shopping” experience on Amazon (UK only): http://jungletrapper.com (it’s free to use, and funded – in theory! – by Amazon affiliate links).

The site is a price notification tool with a difference: it let’s you express an interest in categories of things instead of just individual items (e.g. any books written by X, or published by Y; any films directed by Z; any music issued by label Q; etc.) and associate a threshold price with each category. You get notified daily (by email if you wish, or via the site), when things becomes available within a specified price-point/category. This lets you bottom-feed Amazon’s UK Marketplace, which frequently offers very cool stuff at close-out prices.

The site also remembers what you tell it you’re not interested in, so it doesn’t keep spamming you with the same old stuff.

1 Transesterfication – Got me a study of some aspects of biofuels/lubricants properties of 
2. Whyever – Got me a book called Guava Dreams, didn’t look bad.
3. Bioinformational – Got me a book about behaviour 
4. Definition (well-played, random word generator) – Got me High-Definition Facial Powder, which I had been unaware of, to sort of ironically hide my features from HD cameras, if I were to be in front of one (unlikely)
5. Stylohyoid – Got me a pamphlet on Muscle Origins and Insertions
6. Panther – Got me a toothbrush featuring the branding of an NFL team from a Carolina. 

All in all I would be out some $80 or so and would have 1 book I might read, or start to read, and a toothbrush bearing symbology meaningless to me, plus some other crap.

I think I’ll just get my own stuff I guess

I have considered doing it a couple of times.