After getting caught in the act -- specifically, the act of masturbating at Hollywood's Tiki Theater (for adults) -- Fred Willard has avoided trial after completing a "diversion program for minor sexual offenses" in September. I'm going to pretend that this program was conducted by a Christopher Guest character to make this story extra fun, now that it looks like it's over. (via Huffington Post)

  • CSBD

    At least we know the children are safe.

    Also… I don’t frequent those theaters, but isn’t it a given that everyone is masturbating there?  If patrons have a problem with it… 
    1. don’t go
    2. Internet
    3. Dress like you are going to a Gallagher show.

    • Antinous / Moderator

      Nick Stahl was recently busted for jerking off in a private booth in an adult movie shop in Hollywood.  Thank God the LAPD is keeping us safe.

      • http://www.aarongilliland.com/ Aaron Gilliland

        Safe from more Nick Stahl movies?  Hear hear.

        • Antinous / Moderator

          I thought that we had been safe from Nick Stahl movies for a few years, but I checked his IMDb page and he’s been pretty busy. Seems like I’m working my way into that happy parallel universe pretty effectively.

  • Mitch_M

    What? Does Fred Willard not have a computer?

    • http://www.aarongilliland.com/ Aaron Gilliland

      F-dog kicks it old school.  The mechanical turk that holds his erotic daguerreotypes was in the shop for a blown cog, so Fredward was left in the lurch, so to speak.

      Papyrus.

  • amarx

    Apple donated a computer to him so he wouldn’t have to go to those theaters anymore:  http://hollywoodandswine.com/apple-donates-computers-to-fred-willard-so-he-can-watch-porn-online-like-everyone-else/

  • http://twitter.com/spleenal Spleenal

    If they don’t want that sort of thing happening in their theatre then they should show the Hobbit instead.
    Other complaints against Willard have been:-Drinking in a bar. swimming in a swimming pool. Eating in a restaurant…

    • http://celesteagnes.blogspot.com/ Sekino

      If they don’t want that sort of thing happening in their theatre then they should show the Hobbit instead

      After having encountered LOTR fanfic, I’m not so sure…

    • Antinous / Moderator

      If they don’t want that sort of thing happening in their theatre then they should show the Hobbit instead.

      You’re joking, right?

  • RedShirt77

    I think this is all about him filming a new mocumentary.

    The Mighty Wank

  • http://newnumber6.livejournal.com Peter

    I for one am just glad the violent crime level in LA is so low that the police have the time to waste patrolling for people masturbating in a porn theater.  

  • http://twitter.com/sirkowski Sirkowski

    This wouldn’t have happened if all the patrons had been packin’ heat.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=713743906 Marc Caldwell

      They were…but needed to cool off their guns, if you will…

    • rtresco

      This happened because all the patrons were wackin’ meat.

      • http://twitter.com/beep54orama B E Pratt

         ”Happiness is a warm gun, mama…”

  • princeminski

    Since Paul Reubens’ arrest  for masturbating in a porn theater occurred in the last century, does this qualify, at least so far, as “The Crime of the Millenium”?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=713743906 Marc Caldwell

    The sign outside this business used to say something to the effect of “Live Girls” but they finally (and recently) covered up that part of their midcentury-era signage. Hence, Mr. Willard’s confusion?

    http://s3-media4.ak.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/Cmn0AMtRXc2N0WwWoObCKw/l.jpg

  • Halloween_Jack

    I think that there are three porn theaters left in the country, and on almost any given day everyone in the theater is a cop who really, really needs to fill their ticket quota.