What the quadcopter was thinking when they used it to buzz a moose (a found fiction in a Boing Boing comment thread)

From the remarkable keyboard of allium, in the comment thread for this post:

"Rocky...is that you? My God, what did those Pottsylvanian bastards do to you?"

It was my own government that did this, I think in jagged letters ten feet tall. Of course after the cyborging I can only talk in Bluetooth, 802.11, and half a dozen classified military frequencies, and I left my loudspeaker module back at the base during my escape, so all Agent B hears are the chainsaw buzz of my rotors. He only knows it's me because the boys under Groom Lake painted a cartoon of...what I was...on my fuselage. As a joke. They thought it was hilarious.

So I yaw back and forth, hoping he'll interpret that as a "no".

Steam rises from B's nostrils as he tosses his massive, antlered head back. "When I see Fearless Leader again. I'm gonna pull a can of whoop-ass out of my hat!"

By the Great Acorn Above, he's dense. I dispense some eka-meth from my internal drug reservoirs to focus; two point eight seconds later I come to a decision and warm up the excimer.

"But wait a second...the Admiral told me you were dead! He spoke at your funeral! He..." B trails off as he sees words of fire appear vertically in the bark of the trees in front of him, one word per trunk. My targeting system is very precise - assassination tools generally are.

"PEACHFUZZ BURNED ME. CALL CLOYD AND GIDNEY."

Two hours later and thirty miles to the west, B paws at a nondescript hillock of frozen earth to uncover the squirt transmitter we buried there after the Upsidasium Affair. As dirt flies into the air, I idly wonder whether there's room for a squirrel brain in a Metal-Munching Mouse chassis, and how long it would take to get through a certain flag officer's sternum with its gleaming titanium teeth.

allium

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE: fanfic • happy mutants • science fiction

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Barry Wilson

Love the Gidney & Cloyd reference. Note perfect. Bravo, good sir.
http://www.facebook.com/dave.maclachlan.3 Dave MacLachlan

Wonderful.
Nadreck

The Upsidasium Affair! But that was Officially Denied!
BDiamond

Genius!
http://twitter.com/james4765 Jim Nelson

And this is why I visit this site. Right here.
- outer rower
  
  Jim, I agree! Top marks for channeling Thomas Pynchon. And he’s not even dead!
Jake0748

Very nice. Could have done with a little less giggling.
Ashen Victor

Amazing, bleak and fun. That is the kind of short fiction I love.
http://noctilucent-studios.blogspot.com/ Noctilucent Studios

Wow…I haven’t heard the names Cloyd and Gidney in years!! Anyone know what the range is on these quadrocopters? How close were the people to where this moose is standing?
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Jon-Wallace/100002261734497 Jon Wallace
  
  At the end of the video, the copter flies back to the pilot and friends. At a guess, they were a few hundred yards away at most.
  To allium: This was fantastic; more, please.
Evan Fedorko

brilliant.
wrybread

I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but more more more.
Lobster

Moose bites can be pretti nasti.
euansmith

David Attenborough never sounded as excited as these guys.
Mutation_Engine

Hmmm, nice little bit of writing. Reminds me of Nicholas Zerhakker from Skin Horse, except that Nick’s brain was implanted in a modified Osprey VTOL.
http://skin-horse.com/cast/