Dread Cthulhu Leads His Cult to Milestone Year

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82 Responses to “Dread Cthulhu Leads His Cult to Milestone Year”

  1. Weirdmage says:

    The Atlantic link now just gives this message:
    “We have temporarily suspended this advertising campaign pending a review of our policies that govern sponsor content and subsequent comment threads.”

    • What a fucking disaster. Maybe I’m making too much of this, but this seems like a staggering mis-move by the Atlantic and their efforts to be, well, not a laughing stock.

      • C W says:

        Don’t worry, their shame is only temporary. It’ll be reinstated when they think we’re not looking.

      • hill_rat says:

        The Atlantic’s own Jeffrey Goldberg posted his own (passive aggressive) reaction as well.

        It’s a shame — the magazine does a lot of long-form work that I really respect, but there’s a vast difference between running a Scientology ad and selling “sponsored content” that is visually identical to the magazine’s own articles. Plus, those comments. Oy gevalt.

    • Shaun Martin says:

      Google Cache is our friend: http://goo.gl/ckU4S

      • Weirdmage says:

         Thanks, Shaun. Couldn’t find where I had written down the pre-http part of finding a Google cache :-)

      • nowimnothing says:

        Is it weird to anyone else that all the images of the celebrations seem to right at the moment there is some kind of large explosion of confetti and balloons? That is some serious OCD-type planning there.

        • mkanoap says:

           It’s only weird if you think they only take one picture at each event.  An alternate theory might be that they take many pictures and pick the ones that look most impressive.

          • Rick Mycroft says:

            Photo-analysis of Scientology events can be entertaining. They’ve gotten better since the Photoshopped “Man With No Head” incident, but they routinely seem to pack far more people into a given space than is possible when checked against satellite images.

        • C W says:

          It’s not weird when you consider that these events are staged theatrically, all aspects can be controlled.

        • You also can’t really make out any faces in any of the crowd photos. Like maybe they were cut and pasted there.

          Also, how do I get ahold of the local Cthulhu cult in Vancouver?

    • Louanne says:

      Original article PDF: http://www.scribd.com/doc/120420141/The-Atlantic-14-January-2013-David-Miscavige-Leads-Scientology-to-Milestone-Year

  2. Peter Hh says:

    This is a great account of the great developments happening in the Church of the Old Ones today. More and more people are learning about the great benefits of the practical technology in Yog Soggoth – this is also a wonderful testament to religious freedom flourishing in the current era. Cthulu has certainly played an important role in bringing the Elder Gods to various geographical areas and making sure that interested people have access to it.

  3. Hunter Lyon says:

    Cthulhu lowered the crime in my township, thanks to a one strike policy of being fed to the Old One.

  4. silvanet says:

    hilarious…years ago I got former Dark Cult temple phone # & used to get regular calls from parishoners & aspirants…you can’t imagine how much fun I had answering their calls.

    • Donald Petersen says:

      Some eight years ago, my soon-to-be-wife’s phone number was 666-6669.  You’d think she would have received many crank calls from more-or-less evil people, but I only remember one: a message on her answering machine with the usual recorded voice followed by a pretty ordinary-sounding guy: “You have received a collect call from:” “Satan.” “Will you accept the charges?”

      She still got rid of the number because she actually did get a hell of a lot of misdialed calls from babies.  You’d hear them cooing and babbling on the other end.  Seemed like they’d just knock over the receiver and pound on the 6 key for a while.

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        UCSF’s exchange was 666 for years. And my monthly Kaiser premium this year is $666. I guess we know who’s running the health care industry.

        • Donald Petersen says:

          When I first moved to Hollywood (on Orchid, just behind the Chinese Theater), my phone number was 467-4xxx.  It tickled me no end that up into the 1990s, they were giving out phone numbers that matched the HOllywood exchange.  I’d use my best MovieTone Newsreel voice on my answering machine’s outgoing message: “Hello!  You’ve reached HOllywood-seven-four-[somethingsomethingsomething]!”

          Come to think of it, I suspect most of my friends thought I was trying to sound like the MovieFone guy.

      • James Kimbell says:

         “misdialed calls from babies”

        Today she’d tack on a “.tumblr.com” to that and become famous.

        • Vengefultacos says:

          How can a baby misdial a call? I mean, maybe they wanted to babble at his girlfriend. Or maybe they were hungry, heard she had large boobs, and were ordering takeout.

  5. forwardourmotto says:

    The perfect response to the Atlantic’s sell out…

  6. gracchus says:

    Gives a whole new meaning to the term “Sea Org”. I’m picturing HP Lovecraft in naval whites on a yacht somewhere in the Pacific, laughing insanely about how “being paid a penny a word for writing is no way to make a living” as a slime- and ooze-covered corpse city of Cyclopean masonry rises from the depths.

    By the way, if you think this $cientology advertorial will consume The Atlantic Magazine’s brand goodwill with ravening delight, you haven’t yet seen the damage wrought upon it over the past several years by the slushy gelatinous Great Old One known as Megan McArdle, spawn of the She-Goat Aynrand.

  7. Jaye Sunsurn says:

    “Hey, BoingBoing—is Cthulhu there, right now? Are you in trouble? BLINK TWICE AND WE WILL SEND FOR HELP.” (@wilto tweet variant, cannot take credit…)

    • Cormacolinde says:

      I picture someone in a house filled with occult research paraphernalia saying that chatting via a video conference on his computer, and then the eyes of the refined gentleman in the painting on the wall suddenly BLINK TWICE.

  8. The Atlantic also allowed the cult to moderate comments. Most popular comment was a negative one (of course) that somehow made it through, then vanished:

  9. Warren_Terra says:

    Well done.

    I subscribed to The Atlantic for about a decade, and I was frankly relieved when the last issue arrived in my mailbox, and I would no longer have to pick through the mire fore articles that neither disgusted nor enraged me (and I was amused when for a year afterwards they offered me to resubscribe for more than 80% off the cover price). What they have done to debase that once-proud institution truly boggles the mind. This isn’t the first example of their having problems drawing the line between fundraising/sponsorship and editorial content, but frankly I was even more appalled by many of the people they paid to write for them, and what they willingly published from those writers. This is not to besmirch all Atlantic writers; I still admire Fallows, and a lot of people I respect sing the praises of Coates. But my opinion of the institution is low enough that I found this latest travesty to be more amusing than saddening.

  10. Such marvelous covens! It’s a shame that Shub-Niggurath couldn’t join the other Old Ones at the gala openings!

  11. mmmPi says:

    Why all the fuss over the ads for giant ribbons on buildings?

  12. Is it just me, or do the photos of the crowds in the original article look a bit photoshopped?  

    • Luther Blissett says:

      #Photoshopdeasasters? Noooo. Just as real as C̛̪͍̭̭̯̪̲̪͙̫͔͍̞͍̟͖͈͚͘ͅt̯̼̝͈̩͕͉̹͎̦̥̕͟͝h̴͏҉͎̜̬̱͖̦͚̤̝̗̙̫̭̱̦̳̕͜ͅu̗̯̰͇̪͓̼̤͢͡ͅĺ̵̷̶͙̙̳̪̮̰̯̯̞͘u̸̶̷͡͏̫̭̳̟̻̟̗̟̯̗̜̭ up there. And then, sadly, they are not… They are even more disturbing.

    • mirele says:

      It’s possible they’re photoshopped, but it’s more likely it’s just a trick of the photo angles. Scientology got burned in 2000 when photos of its New Year’s celebration were revealed to be shooped (google “Men with No Heads”) for the story. 

      • C W says:

        Shaming isn’t known to change their ways, you know. Yes, there’s probably photomanipulation going on in EVERY one of their super power openings.

  13. blitzkriegthecat says:

    As someone who has gotten to live and use one of these Houses of R’lyeh as a member of the Esoteric Order of Dagon, I can appreciate not only the amount of work it takes to put together one of these dread edifices, but also the ripples of psychic terror-waves that they send out to the community.

  14. UnderachievingSheep says:

    You know you are reading a work of fiction when you see the huge crowds in front of all these scientologist buildings. Where do they draw this Vatican sized multitudes?! Their Amsterdam building (in one of the most expensive areas of the city) looks so ominous that they could recreate a House of Horrors set.

    As an aside, I always found the reasons (as told in Dutch media) for the failure of scientology in The Netherlands quite hilarious and a testament of their lack of “marketing research”. It’s been said that the church failed around these parts because nobody will ever make a Dutch person pay for something that is freely available through other religions. Moreover, there was a Dutch guy who took and paid for the courses and then attempted to start an Open Source version that he wanted to make available for free to everyone because he claimed getting stuff at a low or no cost was inherent to the local culture. I found the whole thing infinitely amusing.

  15. elix says:

    I’d actually respect BoingBoing (or The Atlantic, really) if it ran ads from Cthulhu.

    But, seriously. how desperate and craven are you to not only take Scientology money and run their advertisements, but also allow ANY sponsor (let alone Scientologists) to moderate comments?

  16. phuzz says:

    I am so happy for the people living in eternal screaming pain in each one of the cities fortunate enough to have a Church of Dagon. Aside from the eldritch abominations available, the numerous social programs are truly something to be proud of. These programs bring together entities from all planes of existance and provide much needed community services. Congratulations to Mr.Cthulhu and to Dagonists around the globe helping to make the world a better place.

  17. Florian Bösch says:

    badum tish

  18. Another example of a non-story. The article is clearly tagged as sponsored content and that it has nothing to do with Atlantic editorial content. Publications have to make money somehow these days or else they will be gone.

    • zuludaddy says:

      So, you’d be ok if The Atlantic, one of this nation’s oldest and most respected magazines, took out recruitment ads for, say, Al Qaeda? The “sponsored content” tag is easily overlooked, and pains were apparently taken to make the typeface and layout mimic that of the magazines editorial content. To me, that looks like an attempt to mislead readers. 

      In my opinion, one can be judged by the company one keeps…

      • Who draws the line then? Who do you decide to censor? I don’t personally agree with their views, but I don’t think they exactly compare to a group of murderers. Also, I don’t believe The Atlantic’s intent was to mislead. As a regular reader I always see sponsored content from various companies being promoted. This one just happened to draw more controversy and media attention. The one thing I enjoy about The Atlantic is the intelligent open discourse that it promotes (the censored commenting system in this case is at fault in my opinion). 

        • UnderachievingSheep says:

          Censor? I stopped reading right there because you seem to have no grasp of what censorship means. Hint: a privately owned publication doesn’t owe anyone the right of publication. Only governments/ the State can censor. On the other hand, publications, at least serious ones with a long history, have editorial standards that prevent any loon from paying space to rant about their theory du jour.

        • zuludaddy says:

          Please show me where I’d advocated censorship. The point I was making regarding look and feel was that the scientology folks were clearly trying to blur the line between advertising and editorial content, trading on (and treading on) The Atlantic’s stature, history, good name and goodwill.  The privately owned magazine does not have a responsibility to accept advertisements from anyone willing to fork over the cash… 

        • Mark_Frauenfelder says:

          It sounds like you are saying that if you were in charge of The Atlantic, you would draw the line in a different place than other people would. Or would you accept any legal ad?

          • Dogsop Smith says:

             Accepting legal ads is not the same thing as allowing ads designed to look like editorial content which is what sponsored content is. Doesn’t matter whether it is a Scientology ad in The Atlantic or the crappy watch ads which show up as sponsored content in my Boing Boing RSS feed.

        • They do compare, exactly, to a gang of murderers.

    • UnderachievingSheep says:

      I am amazed by how many people like you believe nobody has any more responsibility over anything if “stuff” gets on the way of making money. To hell with ethics, editorial standards, publication’s history, impact on a community or any other pesky issues, all that matters is financial gain.

    • SedanChair says:

      So it would be a non story if the Atlantic ran ads for the Jonestown cult? The Branch Davidians? North Korea?

    • C W says:

      That their Editorial department has nothing to do with stories running as articles is not in their favor.

  19. johnbiggs says:

    What a beautiful photo! I’m not a supporter of the dread lord but to each his own!

  20. TheOven says:

    That made no sense at all – then I realised it wasn’t about The Ancient Ones, but scientology. Phew. 

    Besides, I think I like this David Miscarriage guy.

  21. envirotex says:

    Hebbo. How difficult is it to join?

  22. GagHalfrunt says:

    In the original Photoshop of David Miscavige, is the motto on the Scientology logos written in Hebrew?

  23. Genre Slur says:

    Wow. John Carpenter needs to redux a conflation of They Live and In the mouth of Madness, triggered by this here article.

  24. What are we covering up, and why will it embarrass us?

  25. elix says:

    “Hey, I wasn’t THAT high, last night.” -IO Psychic TV

    I’m just making a note of that in case it’s relevant, s’all I’m saying.

    Edit: Awww, the idiot replied to me but his comment was deleted. I kind of want to see what he had to say, but I presume it had something to do with the idiot’s posts no longer appearing on this page.

  26. UnderachievingSheep says:

    I saw his response to you before it got removed (maybe he removed it himself?) and it was just incoherent rambling about some conspiracy theory involving BoingBoing covering up. It made absolutely no sense and not because of bad grammar or punctuation but more in the way that the ramblings of Gene Ray make no sense.

  27. Felton / Moderator says:

    Exactly.

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