The superintendent at a housing complex in suburban New York will go to prison for 6.5 years for "entering a tenant's apartment and having sex with a Labrador retriever." (NY Post)

  • http://twitter.com/mr_bloo_sky mr_bloo_sky

    And yet, no top executives of major Wall Street banks in jail, and no jail time for any of the Bush Administration for war crimes.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/stefan_e_jones/ Stefan Jones

      Indeed, they screwed the pooch big time.

      • Antinous / Moderator

        This story doesn’t mention the dog’s sex.  It’s possible that, in this case, the pooch screwed him.

        • Ashen Victor

           No! Bad dog! BAD DOG!

        • Category

          I don’t think it’s wise to send this Guy to the dog house

        • jackbird

          Since there’s no mention of a trip to the ER, I rather doubt it.

      • SomeGuyNamedMark

         Did he at least call the dog the next day?

  • http://twitter.com/codedreamer codedreamer

    They are cute though…

    • http://marrickvillian.blogspot.com/ Al Corrupt

      and such a friendly breed.

      • Touch Sensitive

        No one can resist their buttery little eyes..

        • Preston Sturges

          Retrievers have what breeders call a “soft mouth”

          • welcomeabored

            For the purpose of retrieving d-U-c-k-s.

  • Velocirapt42

    If somebody raped my dog, I would want to hit them with a very large rock repeatedly, in the face, in addition to the prison sentence.

  • Preston Sturges

    “In college he studied animal husbandry – until he got caught.”
    -W.C. Fields

    • Boundegar

      Tom Lehrer, actually. 

      And I’d like to know just why we all assume this wasn’t a private act between consenting adults.  Would this story read differently if it was “daughter” instead of “dog?”

      • Preston Sturges

        I’m pretty sure Fields used that line in a movie. 

        • kiptw

           Not that I ever heard, but I’m open to being convinced by evidence.

      • wysinwyg

        Because dogs lack a means by which they can unambiguously consent?  Even if the dog licks someone’s genitals it may just be for the taste.

  • Preston Sturges

    Definitely an animal lover.

  • Preston Sturges

    I heard his girlfriend was a real dog.

    • http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns

       woof

  • http://www.facebook.com/HyperionToASatyr Jack Holmes

    Bringing new meaning to the term “poon hound.”

  • teapot

    This guy got “a total effective sentence of six years suspended after 15 months to serve and four years probation” for raping a woman. 15 months for raping a woman, 6 years for raping a dog & 30+ years for opening a closet and writing a clever script.

    That’s a totally awesome legal system you guys have built for yourselves there!

    • otterhead

      Apples to oranges. Forcing sex isn’t the same in every case.

      • Boris Bartlog

         It’s still true that his sentence seems steep in comparison to that typically meted out to rapists. Obviously the fact that he invaded the apartment in order to commit the crime is exacerbating and it sounds like he had done this multiple times, but still. You could shoot someone’s dog and burglarize their place (separately) and end up with a much lesser penalty than this.

        • otterhead

          This case is being treated like a sex offender incident — forcing sex onto someone who can’t consent. It’s sort of unprecedented, so I can’t say whether it’s too steep or not steep enough. I know personally that if I found out that my super was breaking into my house and raping my dog, I’d want them put away for quite some time. And since the dog can’t speak to their feelings on the matter, as a sexually violated woman can, perhaps they’re erring on the side of caution.

          • wysinwyg

            Still doesn’t seem quite right that the guy would probably have gotten a lighter sentence for raping the tenant rather than the dog.

          • otterhead

            Let’s not start inventing laws and pretending to be lawyers. Crimes like this are sentenced on a case-by-case basis at a judge’s jurisdiction and there’s many, many factors that determine a sentence. You do NOT know what the outcome would be if this was a human rather than a dog. It may have been a far, far worse sentence.

      • Snig

        No, but I think the first rapist mentioned should have received significantly more punishment, certainly more than a dog rapist.  I like dogs, but value humans more. 

  • Preston Sturges

    The poodle bites, the poodle chews it. 

  • social_maladroit

    In other news, a dog recently gave birth after having sex with a honeydew.

    When asked what he would name it, the dog’s astonished owner said, “I haven’t decided yet. For now, I’m just calling it ‘my melon-collie baby’.

    • jackbird

      The owner is also throwing the couple a lavish wedding because they can’t elope.

  • http://twitter.com/Soul_cake_duck Soul Cake Duck

    If you need me I’ll be in the lab.

  • gwailo_joe

    A well deserved sentence: why do some people feel entitled to take what isn’t theirs?  It’s a violation of propriety and property rights.

    Anyone has sex with my dog, it’s gonna be me…

  • http://profiles.google.com/mrjohnmrjohn John Barber

    Is “entering a tenant’s apartment” a euphemism for something worse than having sex with a labrador?

  • senorglory

    Michael Vick got 23 months.

    • Antinous / Moderator

      Well, sex is worse than violence, right?

  • http://twitter.com/smknghrtdesigns SmokingHeartDesigns

     That joke is infinitely sad.

  • tiredofit

    I guess Rick Santorum was right … legalizing marriage for gays led to this.

    • http://nelc.livejournal.com/ NelC

      No, this kind of thing was going on long before anyone had even thought of gay marriage.

  • Halloween_Jack

    But you fuck one dog…

  • Donald Martin

    What is that in dog years?

  • http://www.facebook.com/graham.g.martin Graham Martin

    While I am howling at the puns, I feel obligated to point out that the story says that he “enter[ed] a tenant’s apartment” in order to do this.

    Assuming that the entering was done without the tenant’s permission (otherwise we would have an even more interesting story) this was most likely what got him the time since it is breaking and entering and, since it was done with the intent to commit a further crime inside, may be some form of felony trespass, depending on the jurisdiction.

    So, please don’t go around saying “some guy got over 6 years for screwing a dog” as you will be increasing the level of BS and half-truths present in our society the same way Fox News does.

    • jackbird

      Also, being the building super, he was probably entrusted with a master key, so there’s a further breach of trust aspect than a random B&E.

  • SomeGuyNamedMark

    Xeni, please move the baby panda story to the spot after this one.  I need a panda chaser now.  Thanks.

  • nomad411

    Doggie Style 2.0?

  • Preston Sturges

    I thought that I had fallen in love with you
    But it was only puppy love (Only puppy love)
    Only puppy love (Only puppy love)
    Puppy love (Puppy love)
    I thought that my love for you was really true
    But it was only puppy love (Only puppy love)
    Only puppy love (Only puppy love)

    -Barbara Lewis, Puppy Love

    • Antinous / Moderator

      I must take a trip to California
      And leave my poor sweetheart alone
      If he has a dog, he won’t be lonesome
      And the doggie will have a good home

      How much is that doggie in the window?
      The one with the waggly tail
      How much is that doggie in the window?
      I do hope that doggie’s for sale

  • felsby

    I think the US law has some *edit this out*

  • kiptw

    The dog was totally asking for it! It gave him a fetching look!