German soldiers develop left breasts

Discuss

40 Responses to “German soldiers develop left breasts”

  1. Donald Petersen says:

    So this is the 21st century version of the famous Mensur scars of Heidelberg.

    Somehow lacking the coolness factor.

  2. Stephan says:

    And that’s why I opted out of military service, JA!

  3. You just got bit by a lets-make-fun-of-Germans variation on the Onion, according to their prominently linked “about page”… “Professor Bjorn Krapohl” should be a giveaway :)

    • Matthew Urso says:

      but its on the internet…

    • Chuck says:

       Damn.  I was about to speculate about a new rough-and-tumble category of gender transition used by those who are biologically male, but see themselves as women, yet have a rougher way about them.

      “C’MON!  HIT ME AGAIN!  THESE BREASTS AREN’T GOING TO GROW THEMSELVES, YA KNOW!”

      • Chuck says:

        Hm.  Looks like this story is hitting other news outlets.

        So I’m going to resume speculating, starting with a longer version of the “HIT ME” thing above…

        “C’MON! HIT ME AGAIN! THESE BREASTS AREN’T GOING TO GROW THEMSELVES, YA KNOW! HIT ME! … AW, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YA CALL THAT A PUNCH? YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA GET ME TO AN ‘A’ CUP! I’VE GOT YOU UP TO A ‘B’ AT LEAST! I’M MAKIN’ A WOMAN OUT OF YOU, BUT YA AIN’T RETURNIN’ THE FAVOR! LET’S HIT THE WEIGHTS! I’LL SPOT YA.”

        Maybe this is similar to what those transgendered kick boxers in Thailand go through. The training for that sport starts off with lots of punches and kicks to the chest. (That last sentence may not have any truth to it.)

        But, then again, why leave sensitive transformative medical procedures like these to amateurs? Doctors could create practices applying a regimen of expertly well-placed blows to the chest, giving the swelling breasts the desired size and shape over a period of months.

    • knappa says:

      I’m not saying it’s true or it isn’t. However, it’s pretty easy to google a Berlin plastic surgeon with that name. Scroll down on the link below:

      http://www.bundeswehrkrankenhaus-berlin.de/portal/a/berlin/!ut/p/c4/04_SB8K8xLLM9MSSzPy8xBz9CP3I5EyrpHK9quLEvPik8uz4pNSinMw8vdTMvKLM5IyS0rx0vdzUlMwqoFhGYl6KfkG2oyIASOUFGg!!/

    • Ipo says:

       “Professor Bjorn Krapohl” should be a giveaway of what?  That really is his name. 

  4. Sabocat says:

    so if I keep smashing my chest…

  5. GawainLavers says:

    Reverse Amazons!

  6. feetleet says:

    So why don’t male American soldiers (who are predominantly right-handed) develop right-side adipose? Certainly the repeated kickback from gunfire (in drills or otherwise) against the right pectoral should be more frequent/forceful than the Wachbataillon’s self-battery? And where’s the boob on my penis?

    • Preston Sturges says:

      I think they were doing some variation on the parade ground/marching band  rifle drill with the spinning.  When shooting the rifle butt is up where the pecs meet the shoulder joint, where there’s lots of bone and connective tissue. 

  7. Preston Sturges says:

    But did they lactate?

  8. pics or it didn’t happen.

    And you shoulder a gun, you don’t breast a gun. Therefore soldiers in the field shouldn’t be sprouting boob anytime soon. 

  9. negentropoid says:

    If I’d caused myself one-sided gynecomastia I’d (as we say in the UK) feel a right tit!

  10. timquinn says:

    “has been diagnosed in 74 per cent of battalion members who presented to army medics with concerns over the growths.”
    In other words, they had, say, 50 male soldiers complain about lopsided breast growth and 37 of those turned out to really have it. 

    This proves what, again?

    • toyg says:

      “out of 211 male patients operated on for the condition [in the whole of Germany, I presume], 35 were from the elite Wachbataillon.”

      I’d say a cluster of 16% of patients is pretty significant.

      • timquinn says:

        Oh, all right. I was looking at it like a high school math problem. Not enough information to draw any real conclusion. I never actually thought to go and read the article.

  11. steve849 says:

    Males already have breasts. What’s happening is existing breasts are enlarging.

  12. blueelm says:

    Countdown until breast beatings become the latest spa fad. Or maybe they already are. I’m not really into those things.

  13. Chandra Hall says:

    So if I want my breasts to grow I just need to slap them with a gun???

  14. dave3 says:

    “diagnosed in 74 per cent of battalion members” ?That means the other 26% ain’t doing it right. C’Mon Soldier!

  15. Tavie says:

    If only Judy Blume’s characters had known about this! “We must– [SLAM] — we must — [SLAM] – we MUST inCREASE our BUST! [SLAM]”

  16. NicoleLeeWhite says:

    I like this so much I’m going to pretend that it’s true.

  17. mack says:

    Childhood joke: 

    Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
    A: Because they have big thumbs.

    (rimshot)

  18. UncaScrooge says:

    You can have my breast when you pry my gun from my cold dead fingers.

  19. Dlo Burns says:

    C’mon, no Slaanesh/WH4K reference?

  20. Boundegar says:

    You mean it didn’t work for you?  That’s odd…

  21. SomeDude says:

    hmm, somebody apparently needs a hug.

Leave a Reply