If Spiderman does whatever a spider can, then ...

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12 Responses to “If Spiderman does whatever a spider can, then ...”

  1. Rich Keller says:

    Peter could have been bitten by a radioactive angler fish. But that way, he would have been with Mary Jane forever.

  2. Mordicai says:

    See me…I know that those transgenic “spider-goats” produce “silk” in their milk…which makes me think that transgenic Peter Parker might be more likely to shoot webs…from his nipples.

  3. GawainLavers says:

    Venture Brothers: Bright Lights, Dean City.

  4. GawainLavers says:

    FYI, that is by a large margin the least horrifying discussion of spider sexuality I’ve ever read.  

    * It doesn’t even mention the cannibalism!

    * How about self amputation?  In some species where the males have been selected to be extremely small, that 20% weight thing would be closer to 40%, and they actually wouldn’t be able to move under the weight of their genitals, so in infancy they bind one of the palps with webbing so that it can’t grow or shed: eventually it becomes necrotic and falls off, leaving them with just one.

    * How about tearing a hole in the side of pre-pubesent females in order to enseminate them before all their parts are working?  (Sounds pretty horrible, but given bullet point A, I think a little understandable…)

    • Jerril says:

      There’s a whole host of beatles that use that last point – injecting the sperm into the female’s blood. How this manages to make her pregnant isn’t well understood, IIRC.

      I can’t remember which one, but in one species, the females have evolved a sneaky trick and have a “sperm catcher” pouch under the side of their abdomen that the males were targeting, giving her reproductive control again.

  5. I write this off not as an ability to accept a “suspension of disbelief” that comes with what is clearly a fantasy story, but a lack of “Jack and the Beanstalk is Bullshit!: There’s no way a vine could grow that fast and there’s no way a castle could be suspended in the clouds! We should be helping those with development issues (giants), not villifying them!”

    • Jerril says:

      Finding out the top speed of Santa’s sleigh is fun; this is just the biologist’s equivalent.

      See also “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” ;)

  6. Etchant Man says:

    If Spiderman keeps fighting crime he will go blind

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