I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

  • http://twitter.com/eriktweets Erik

    gross

    • Antinous / Moderator

      And yet…

  • Roose_Bolton

    I like eating as much as the next person, but I will never understand the appeal of competitive eating. Can anyone explain it to me, beyond just “shock and awe”? I personally know people who rely on food banks, and couldn’t even imagine what they would think of this nonsense.

    • Mitch_M

      I was thinking the same thing. How is gluttony as sport perceived by people who do not have adequate food. But maybe I am just as bad for devoting a garden to growing ultra hot peppers and filming myself eating them.

      • edgore

        You monster.

      • TheOven

         Also, this isn’t Gluttony. Wasteful perhaps but gluttony, not so much.

        • blueelm

          Yeah I was going to say this. From what I know, a lot of times these people don’t eat generally except one meal so that they are used to it and also to stretch the stomach without injuring themselves.

          That would mean they eat as much or even less than most people do over the course of a day generally.

          Now it makes my stomach turn, but that’s just because I’m thinking about how much I would hurt if  I did that!

        • Ty_MY

          I kind of agree.

          All those so quick to condemn, why not

          Protest against F1 races : billions in fuel and pollution for 20 or so cars, going 20-30 laps. And in transporting each car, crew, parts to each track around the world, generating billions more in waste material (promo paper, banners etc)

          Ask all sportsmen to build homes and hospitals instead of wasting all their physical abilities in training, sucking in billions in wages, generating so much waste in purchase of sports cars. Also, all the talent in writing, analyzing about sports could be re-allocated to literature, economics and global issues.

          Stop watching movies, and use the billions saved to explore space.

          And all you focus on is Internet-complaining about guys who eat a lot, fast. By far the least worst of entertainment providers.

          • Jangocat

            Watch the credits of a movie and look at all those jobs that would be lost. Plus the jobs for movie rental businesses and theaters. Hollywood and F1 both generate billions in salaries and profits for the participants and sponsors, making all those peoples quality of life better. You have to look at the big picture before protesting any activity you may see as frivolous.

    • oneswellfoop

      Ha ha ha ha ha!  Look at how rich we are!  Darling, isn’t this just grand!  Here, let’s burn some money as the poor watch!  Perhaps we should shoot something and watch it rot as some little Africans starve.  Wealth is so much better when there’s someone destitute to suffer next to your opulence, isn’t it!  I mean, what’s the point of excess unless there’s someone who doesn’t have it to grind beneath your bootheel?

      • Daneel

        So, what? I should order a pizza from Dominos to be delivered to The Starving Little Children, Africa?

        • oneswellfoop

          Oh, we can’t do that, so I guess waste for the sake of waste is perfectly ok then.

          • blueelm

            He ate it, didn’t he? So what was wasted?

        • kringlebertfistyebuns

          I don’t think they’re going to honor the 30-minutes-or-less guarantee for that delivery.

      • TheOven

        That seems fairly hypocritical. If you’re watching this on your iPad/computer/phone/electronic device, you might want to remove the pizza slice from your own eye before you point out the spot of sauce in another’s.

        • oneswellfoop

          So using a device that is required to be functional at my job and in widespread use across first and second world countries is wasteful?  Your analogy does not compute.  If I had three computers in front of me when only one was needed or useful for a particular purpose other than unnecessary redundancy, that would be wasteful.

          • Nonentity

             Is your use of that equipment, time, and resources to read and post at BoingBoing a functional requirement of your job, also?

          • oneswellfoop

            It is a functional requirement of my lunchbreak.

          • Nonentity

             @boingboing-b16a9e8de58c95b427b29472b1eca130:disqus  “It is a functional requirement of my lunchbreak.”

            Just as much as eating a whole pizza extremely quickly is a functional requirement of this fellow’s, I’m sure.

          • zombiebob

             You took a lunch “break”? Shut your pie hole and go spend your break volunteering at a soup kitchen.

          • oneswellfoop

            Yes, from one of my two jobs, which I work in order to pay to go to law school out of pocket so I won’t graduate $250,000 in debt and so that, once I pass the bar, I can spend a little time helping people that are too poor, ignorant, uneducated, or disenfranchised to know they need a lawyer, much less afford one.  After this job, I get to go to class for 2.5 hours, then I get to study for three hours, cook for my girlfriend (who works 3 jobs) and I, go to sleep, and do that again for the next two days.  Then, once the weekend rolls around on Friday, I get to change clothes in my office at about 4:45 and leave to go directly to job number 2, which I will work until about 12-1 a.m.. Thankfully, I don’t have to wake up at 7:30 saturday morning, and can  sleep in until 10, unless I have a lot of studying to do, in which case I get up at 7:30, study for about six hours while maybe cooking something that isn’t labor intensive, like stock, for later use, then go to job number 2 again, which I will work until 1-2 a.m.  On sunday, I get to study more.
            So, yes, I took the 30 minute lunch break that my job allows me, and I didn’t even study during it.  Fuck me, right!?

          • Boundegar

            Luxury!  Why, when I was your age…

          • zombiebob

             Onefellswoop, your reply is nothing more than a series of detailed excuses and BS. You are well on your way to becoming a lawyer! Also, did you ever think that Kobawhatisname is in the profession he is in because it helps him put food on the table.. wait, let me rephrase that… because it provides him a living, which makes sure that he isn’t on the dole etc? If the video was taken in an elite palace in ethiopoa populated by ethiopean elites… THEN your whiny dirge might be appropriate. This is America, he is at a house party or an expo, there are many Dominoes pizzas… and really he is doing a public service by decreasing the amount shit quality pizza pies by one.

          • http://www.ikaink.net Itsumishi

            Yes, virtually the entire cycle of modern electronic devices is wasteful, and hurts the third world in far excess than dominos pizzas, no matter how fast they’re eaten.

          • duncancreamer

            You get to spend 250k$ on your education? 

            Suddenly I understand your original post a little bit more: We’re the destitute next to your opulence. I mean, what’s the point of posting that unless there’s someone who doesn’t have it to “grind beneath your bootheel”? Grind away brother Beavis. 

            Look, I do not mean to deride your efforts. You’re clearly working hard for it and I want you to succeed and share the wealth with those less fortunate, just try be aware before you shit on other’s for their bad behaviour, that you have the selfsame behaviour. You waste. I waste. We are privileged and by definition, we waste.

            In retrospect though, I can’t say this video is a waste. We’ve all gotten so much entertainment out of it, that I can saw that was a pizza well spent.

          • oneswellfoop

            No, I spend about nine grand a year on my education, all included.  I chose to go to the night law school instead of the better schools in the southeast in large part because, in order to go to the best schools, I would not have been able to work for the first year at least, lived totally on loans, spent $30-$40k a year on tuition alone, and had dismal job prospects unless I was in the top five of my class.  If I were that smart I would have gotten a scholarship, but I’m not.

          • GertaLives

            Thankfully, the poor, ignorant, uneducated, and disenfranchised will soon enjoy the sanctimonious representation they deserve. It’s great that someone outside their sphere has recognized their plight. Pizza-stained bootheels the world over tremble in fear.

          • copperwatt

            We all spend time and resources doing things that we get something in return for. This guy happens to eat large quantities of food very fast, and he gets money and fame for it. Sure, it might be a bit baffling WHY he gets these things for this act, but I don’t see how it is any different from all the “wasted” resources that go into a professional football game. That pizza was exactly as wasted as those iphones that get smashed up on “will it blend” videos, i.e., not at all wasted when you consider what you are “buying” with their broadcast destruction. Food is not just for nutrition, and phones are not just for playing Angry Birds.

      • GertaLives

        If there’s an all the hyperbole you can eat contest, I think reading this has provided me with some serious training.

      • Andrew Perrine

         What the hell are you talking about? You really make no sense. Just take a breath, and ponder what eating a cheap piece of dough (very quickly to be sure), something that I’m guessing more than a billion people do every day, has anything to do with what you just said.

      • retchdog

        uh… isn’t he getting the calories from the pizza? i mean, sure due to overload, the stomach might pass some through partially undigested, but it’s not like the pizza loses all of its nutritive value because he’s eating a lot of it.

        he maintains a stable weight of 128#, which is below the american average. since he’s not a bodybuilder or athlete, i can only conclude that on average he consumes less food than the average american.

        boutique outrage. yawn.

        edit: okay, this guy has admitted to vomiting after competitions, so maybe not so much. it’s still a trivial concern.

      • ZikZak

        Approximately 50% of the food produced in the US never even gets the chance to be consumed.  This edible food is converted directly to waste in the fields, during transport, processing, and retail.  It never even makes it to anyone’s plate.

        Think about that.  This country wastes food on a massive and systemic level, in fact we waste about as much as we make use of.  It is not because of competitive eating contests.  It is because of widespread political and social complacency.  It’s because people like you and I aren’t willing to challenge an economic system which puts profit over feeding the hungry.

        You are as guilty as anyone else.  But don’t waste time feeling guilty, and certainly don’t waste time trying to make others feel guilty.  If we really want to stop this waste, we’re going to pretty much need a revolution, so get to work.

    • Antinous / Moderator

      First of all, he does it very occasionally.  Millions of bodybuilders eat as much as a family of twelve every day of their lives.  Second, on the rare occasion that he does it, he doesn’t eat any more food than you throw out every week.  It’s utterly insignificant in the face of millions of tons of food wasted every day.

      • Roose_Bolton

        Don’t get me wrong, I’m not deriding this guy in particular, but the activity in general. I just find it bizarre and, yes, a bit tasteless. Humans are a weird auld species. 

        Re: “…he doesn’t eat any more food than you throw out every week.” – I don’t think he’s technically eating. And the food I waste in a week would fit in a thimble. I’m what you would call “thrifty”.

  • Rider

    Kickstarter to see Cory try to eat a pizza in under 60 seconds.

    • kinscore

      Funding target: $7.99

    • oasisob1

      What’s the goal? $9.99, plus delivery, plus tip?

      • Daneel

        Stretch goals; bread sticks, 2l coke.

        • oasisob1

          Add the dessert pizza as a bonus stretch goal and we’re all set. This could be the fastest funded campaign, ever.

      • Quiche de Resistance

        That’s what you call a 9-9-9 plan.

  • http://www.facebook.com/victor.jimenezmerino Víctor Jiménez Merino

    Truly a hero of our times! 

  • theophrastvs

    “competitive eaters” are allowed to soak the food and mash it into a fusiform before cramming… so are they allowed funnels and hoses?  isn’t the goal just to transfer a specific large mass into their stomachs – and, i suppose contain it there for a while in front of cameras? perhaps a sausage stuffer could be employed?  (“oh look, Chet, i believe there’s signs of sternum evulsion, or as we call it “chest burster” on #7″)  yes… tis the sport of kings.

  • annoyingmouse

    Somewhere out there is a punchline to the joke “How many people does it take to film a person eating a pizza?”  Did they not think the first person with their phone in the air would stick it on youtube?

    (Gosh I sound like an old man today)

    • oasisob1

      I’m sure they all thought they’d be able to film it with the least amount of camera shake.

  • MonkeyBoy

    Almost all competitive eaters vomit after the competition.

    Also (from the straight dope): “And it seems that regurgitation of any kind is a disqualifier.

    It’s only a disqualifier once it leaves the mouth. There was some controversy regarding one of Takeru Kobayashi’s victories at the annual hot dog eating contest when he vomited but slurped it all back up quickly:”

  • Paul Clements

    All those people and no one thought to offer him a napkin at the end. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/stevemullis Steve Mullis

       We are truly, truly savages.

  • TheOven

    The part the camera never shows is the puking that happens afterwards. Competitive eating is all about getting it in, not keeping it in – though there is a required amount of time you have to keep it down.  

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/Freethinkersanon Christopher

      At least that explains why he stays so skinny.

  • 10xor01

    I did the Blazin’ Wings challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings, but barely finished in time.  It required eating 12 of their hottest wings in under six minutes, with no water or other beverages.

    The spiciness wasn’t a problem, but not being able to drink fluids made it more difficult.  I just kept chewing and chewing, but couldn’t produce enough saliva.

    The lowest time I saw on their “Wall of Champions” was around 1 minute 30 seconds.  At that rate, there’s little time for chewing, and the food is just swallowed whole.  Which is what it looks like Kobeyashi is doing to this pizza.  He eats like a human-anaconda hybrid.

  • beaker

    It’s precisely the high carb content of Dominos pizza that makes his feat difficult.  Same thing with Nathan’s hot dog buns.  Kobe smashed eating records because he developed a technique for using the sips of water to lube the carbs, compact their volume, and get them down quickly.  A proper thin crust Italian pizza would be easy by comparison.

  • Quiche de Resistance

    So this was what Kirk had to do when he rigged the test?

  • GertaLives

    “I realized that I could probably do this…”

    No, you couldn’t. But you can check to be sure!

    • http://twitter.com/themorgan Morgan Nichol ♡

      Yeah, it wouldn’t even be close. It’s very easy to underestimate what people like Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut do, “it’s just eating” right? But the reason their names keep coming up is that they’re absolute freaks, and really good at doing what they do.

  • miasm

    Cool Hand Takeru.

  • Ed Mar

    Well, if there’s one advantage to having a Domino’s pizza to wolf down, it’s that the pizza is self-lubricating.

  • http://twitter.com/dargaud Guillaume Dargaud

    One of the stupidest and least impressive things I’ve ever seen. How about the person who can hit his head with a hammer the most in a minute ?

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/QCGOSVXBEAG7HHTZ5MNMYTZ2HM Cleo

    Much as I value my smartphone, I hate the unintended social consequence of “camera blooms”. Something is happening, so the cameras sprout up like algae in a phosphate-rich pond.

    • kringlebertfistyebuns

      It almost seems like people are looking for a way to *insulate* themselves from having an experience.

  • goldenmansacks

    So, Takeru, what was your hazing like to join the fraternity?

  • Adora Tsang

    Why are they calling him “Kobe”? It’s spelled “Kobayashi”. It’s a very common Japanese surname. 

  • Stuart Hancock

    Cory,

    You would die.   And it would be glorious.

    Please don’t try this at home.

  • http://twitter.com/BonzoDog1 BonzoDog1

    Can anyone in Cleveland help me remember… I have a vague memory of a guy named Mariano Ponchetti who was on the late-night movie show Big Chuck and Houlihan in the early 1970s who wolfed down pizzas and was only beaten once, by a German shepherd who was disqualified because he (the dog) threw up

    • L5015

       I think you are talking about Mushmouth something or other.

  • markbellis

    Yes, it should be “Kobayashi” (It’s misspelled in the youtube video too).

  • mothernatureseven

    twelve inch pizza in one minute is not a task that is that great

  • http://artdonovan.typepad.com Art

    No matter how you slice it (ouch!) competitive eating is a repulsive concept.

  • GoatLordMessiah

    What popped into my head first.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp66qbdCz0U

  • http://twitter.com/9ski Powder Skiing

    And we wonder why Mixed Martial Arts fans appear douchebattic.  Don’t blame the event. Blame the guy who can’t help shouting “Holy Shit” the entire time.  It’s universal and not the guy in the ring (“eating the pizza”)’s fault…..