When the stalked blame themselves

"There is a new kind of bad thing in the world: persecution on the Internet by a clever, mentally unbalanced person. If you haven’t experienced it yet, you may have trouble believing how upsetting and disorienting it can be. And you may be tempted to wonder if a sufferer like Lasdun hasn’t somehow asked for it." [The Nation]


  1. If in the Just World Hypothesis you must have done something to provoke him, why doesn’t that also apply from his POV? Surely he must have done something to provoke your provocation.

  2. My Google-fu is not strong enough today, but one of the first FAQs ever on how to handle flame wars on Usenet started off with, in nearly the first point, “Consider what you have done to bring it on yourself” (I paraphrase).

    1. Not bad advice.  We all see the world through our own lens.  One contemporary popular example I can think of is one of the only 30 Rock episodes I’ve ever seen where Liz is dreading going to her high-school reunion because she remembers being picked on mercilessly, only to learn later that she was a vicious bully.

      It took me years to realize the same thing about myself.

      And yes, sometimes I’ll find myself in the middle of an argument, feel like I’m the victim, resist putting blame on myself because I think, “No, I’M the victim,” only to realize the argument started with me being a raving asshole.

      Not always true, of course, but a little self-examination wouldn’t hurt anyone.

      1. At the moment you find yourself wallowing in righteous indignation STOP, just STOP.

        Whatever comes next will have consequences, usually immediately. 

    2. Well, context is generally important there. It’s possible for some people to draw flamewars upon themselves in a way that’s completely independent from “stalkers”.

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