Just look at this vomitous vintage banana recipe.

Just look at it.

Ham and Bananas Hollandaise (Thanks, Teemu!)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

MORE: bananas • just look at it • not food

More at Boing Boing

Ants and Stars: Bruce Sterling and Jasmina Tesanovic visit the Sardinia Radio Telescope in Italy

The Snowden Principle

http://www.facebook.com/karengeier Karen Geier

OH MY GOD. I inherited a stack of these cards. Each of the recipes are more gruesome than the last
- freshyill
  
  We have a card in our house from my mother in law that seems to match this. It’s for Chicken Waikiki—basically breaded chicken in a pineapple sauce with rice—and it was actually pretty good.
  
  That said, now I need to find the set where it came from and explore these horrors.
  - Jerril
    
    So, basically “lemon chicken” but pineapple instead of lemon. Sounds and pretty sane, as far as a sugar-based chicken sauce goes :D
    - freshyill
      
      More or less. I’d eat it again, for what it’s worth.
duchessprozac

Hey, don’t knock it ’til you’ve — You know what, I can’t finish that with a straight face.
$19428857

If you made this with plantains and real hollandaise, it might be ok, but it would still look weird.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Drop/100000929402049 Robert Drop
  
  I was imagining that the bananas used in this recipe were intended to be extremely green and starchy (i.e. more like plantains), but even so, I can’t imagine this would be very tasty.
- social_maladroit
  
  A lot depends on the presentation. You have to be sure and use chrome plates when you dish it up to your guests.
  
  You know the old saying: There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.
  - vonbobo
    
    That deserves a like
- Preston Sturges
  
  Have you ever had Hollandaise sauce in your eye? It burns. IT BURNS
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-McCann/807745781 Tom McCann
    
    Er, no actually. I try my hardest not to get my face in the way of hollandaise sauce when it’s being poured onto food. But hey, that’s just the way I roll.
http://libertyviewmagazine.net/ Tod Westlake

Holy shit.
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  Not sure about the ‘holy’ part.
  - Felton / Moderator
    
    Holy mother of hurl.
bcsizemo

Ham and bananas..this is not what I expected.
Brainspore

It’s worse than you think. A short time ago those bananas were strapped to a performance artist’s butt. And you don’t even want to know where the ham came from.
bzishi

I can fix it! Replace the ham with cooked bacon and the hollandaise with nutella (or peanut butter).
- http://www.youtube.com/user/PipLagenta Pip_R_Lagenta
  
  I can fix it, too. Replace the ham with chocolate shavings, and the hollandaise with bread pudding.
- Gilbert Wham
  
  That’s fixing it? Egad…
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Jerry-Renshaw/588293649 Jerry Renshaw
    
    I can fix it too…with the garbage disposal
Kommkast

Land at bOINGbOING, mid sentence, interrupted “Dangit Cory! Bananananaed again!”
oasisob1

For the next 30 days I’m going to cook for my family taking recipes exclusively from that website.
- http://www.facebook.com/jaytraveller Jay Sanchez
  
  what, are you tired of all that family business and want to go solo?
- IronEdithKidd
  
  Why do you hate your family?
UnderachievingSheep

Are epidemiologists taking these recipes into account when evaluating the reasons for the raise of obesity? Maybe people were just slimmer because this was the kind of stuff on offer.
- bcsizemo
  
  You seem to be implying real Hollandaise isn’t mostly egg yolks and butter. It is pretty much unhealthy no matter what you put it on.
  
  -Of course you probably are implying that no one would eat this in the first place…which I tend to agree with.
  - Jerril
    
    No, seriously, people in the 70s actually ate these things. They were BLITZED the entire time, which probably helped.
10xor01

Now I know what I’m making for dinner.
DreadJester

It might sound weird but actually might not be so bad. I mean, we eat ham and pinapple pizza. Other than swapping out the pinapple for banana and loosing the bread it’s nearly the same. I’d probably give it a go.
- kraut
  
  Baked bananas are actually really nice – much much nicer than baked pineapple. And very sweet.
  
  Not sure how the combination of sweet, baked bananas will work with ham and hollondaise… but just ’cause it’s from the 70s doesn’t mean it has to be disgusting!
  - http://twitter.com/LeeroyBerlin Leeroy Berlin
    
    That’s exactly what it means actually. Look it up.
    - Antinous / Moderator
      
      There are lots of great things from the 70s.
  - http://www.facebook.com/jaytraveller Jay Sanchez
    
    well, if it is from the 70′s it IS disgusting!!
    
    wait a minute… I’m from the 70′s! D:
    - Preston Sturges
      
      And you would have eaten it because you were baked most of the time.
    - http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns
      
      But is all of you from the 70′s?
      - welcomeabored
        
        Good point. Forty years later, every cell has been replaced.
        
        Or were you asking how many BBer’s were around in the 70s?
      - http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns
        
        I had trouble remembering the name
        
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_of_Theseus
  - http://twitter.com/InnerPartisan Sebastian Spinczyk
    
    I agree. Even more delicious are battered, deep-fried bananas with honey.
    But again: Hollandaise??? No. Just… no.
    - Gilbert Wham
      
      Now you’re talkin’
  - BunnyShank
    
    If you ever get a hold of a Hare Krishna Cookbook from the 70′s, snap it up. Those recipes are fantastic.
  - Alan Goulding
    
    It’s not because it’s from the 70s that it’s disgusting. It’s because it contains bananas, ham and hollandaise.
    
    It’d probably be OK if you washed it down with a Pernod and chocolate with tomato juice I guess. :O
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  Lots of us don’t eat ham and pineapple pizza.
- http://twitter.com/InnerPartisan Sebastian Spinczyk
  
  As someone who *likes* pineapple&ham pizza (“Pizza Hawaii”, as we call it in Germany):
  Banana and ham (and cheese)? Sure, that might be eatable.
  
  But banana, ham and *hollandaise*? Holy fucking shit, are you kidding me???
thompson

That’s….. horrifying
http://twitter.com/sosimon sosimon

It doesn’t look that bad, I love ham and I love bananas, why not combine them and put some cheese on top. I’d eat it, sign me up.
- Nylund
  
  That’s not cheese on top. It’s a mixture of egg yolk and butter.
  - Antinous / Moderator
    
    All the calories of cheese with none of the flavor!
    - thedreadpiratewesley
      
      Hollandaise is, in fact, absolutely delicious to eat with salt-cured proteins. It is most commonly experienced as a mandatory condiment accompanying Eggs Benedict – poached eggs with smoked salmon, or, yes, HAM.
- $19428857
  
  Ross:” It tastes like *feet*!
  
  Joey:” I like it!”
  
  Ross:”Are you kidding?”
  
  Joey:”What’s not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, Goooooooood.
thedreadpiratewesley

Many people look at North Americans eating pancakes with bacon and maple syrup with much the same expression of abject horror. Isn’t cultural programming fascinating?
- mappo
  
  There aren’t very many Americans eating maple syrup these days. Corn syrup, yes. Maple syrup, no.
  - wysinwyg
    
    Probably depends on where you live. In New England a lot of people still go out of their way to get real maple syrup made from tree sap.
    - Antinous / Moderator
      
      Buy Grade B. It’s cheaper and has stronger maple flavor.
- Nylund
  
  I’ve lived in the south for years now and chicken and waffles still seems too weird to me.
  - thedreadpiratewesley
    
    Indeed! Here in Australia, we have fried egg, a slice of pineapple, and tinned beetroot in our hamburgers… apparently people overseas think that’s a bit weird too. :)
    - http://twitter.com/jschrab Jeffrey Schrab
      
      The fried egg? I can see that. The pineapple? Grilled for just a little caramelization? I can see that. Beetroot? No, that’s a bit weird. :)
      - robuluz
        
        The pineapple is fucking awful but beetroot is mandatory.
      - Gilbert Wham
        
        Hmm. Gonna have to try the beetroot. Colour me intrigued (and purple, probably).
    - Preston Sturges
      
      “But you know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup? Mayonnaise. I seen ‘em do it man. They drown them in that shit.”
      - http://twitter.com/InnerPartisan Sebastian Spinczyk
        
        Not just in Holland. Here in Germany, we do that too.
        
        And you know what? It’s fucking delicious!
      - $19428857
        
        Sriracha and mayo mixed. Or Korean hot pepper paste and mayo. Or dill mayo. Or aoli. All good.
      - noah django
        
        Wiggum: Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?
        Lou: Mm-hm. They call ‘em, “shakes.”
        Eddie: Huh, shakes. You don’t know what you’re gettin’.
      - IronEdithKidd
        
        That line has bugged me since that movie came out. Mayo with fries is really quite good. It’s no stranger than eating your fries with mustard or vinegar.
      - jackbird
        
        It’s supposed to.
        
        Every conversation in that movie is a meditation on some facet of relative morality.
      - http://fallsastar.com Crashproof
        
        But vinegar on fries, or fish and chips, is nasty. The smell is almost enough to drive me away from the table entirely.
        
        I’ve never known anyone to eat fries with mustard…
      - IronEdithKidd
        
        @boingboing-f86c0dc8cbaf8075abb917436943a435:disqus : Yeah, I don’t like vinegar on fries, but a lot of folks seem to. As for mustard, I’m not talking about that yellow crap meat eaters put on hotdogs and such. There are far better mustards in the world.
      - http://abrightcontainer.tumblr.com/ manybellsdown
        
        I love fries with honey or dijon mustard. I’m not really fond of ketchup, and warm mayo is gross.
      - Jerril
        
        Quebec as well. And all along the border in Ontario.
        
        Or, worse, the concoction my friend called “Mayhonaise”, which is ketchup and mayo.
      - Preston Sturges
        
        The only place I’ve seen mayo guns to squirt vats of mayo at the food.
    - Jerril
      
      This Canadian thinks everything but the beetroot is great, but I think tinned beets taste like pennies so I object to them wherever I find them.
      
      I’m secretly also an Australian, so I may not count.
- http://abrightcontainer.tumblr.com/ manybellsdown
  
  I’ve had quite a lot of people from various European countries tell me that PB&J is totally bizarre and they can’t see how we eat it.
  - IronEdithKidd
    
    Savages.
http://walkingwithshimmer.wordpress.com/ Werther deGoethe

Now we know where Sandra Lee’s been getting her recipes from.
smut clyde

Let the record show that Lawyers Guns & Money were onto this recipe a fortnight ago:
http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2013/02/late-night-snacking/comment-page-1#comment-450531
http://profile.yahoo.com/OMHO6ER5QJE3SIZ35VAXIRCLYM Stephan

http://vintagerecipecards.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/memorable_summer.jpg

my favourite…
- voiceinthedistance
  
  You win, Stephan. I never thought I’d live to see strawberries paired with shrimp and lime Jello, but it looks like I was wrong (and traveling in the wrong, er, right, circles).
  - Antinous / Moderator
    
    Those are tomatoes. And peas.
    - Hanglyman
      
      Also, depending on the age of the photo, that might not be lime. There were a handful of “salad” flavors like celery and mixed vegetable available in the 1960s.
      
      Guess who visited the Jell-O museum last week?
      - Preston Sturges
        
        A vegetable gelatin would probably be called an “aspic.”
        
        A good word for scrabble, BTW
      - wysinwyg
        
        Ah, was wondering what that King Crimson album name was talking about, thanks.
    - http://twitter.com/beep54orama B E Pratt
      
      With that in mind, it doesn’t look quite so bad. Sorta…kinda….
- Slartibartfatsdomino
  
  I first read that as “miserable summer meals.” My brain was trying a correction.
- http://daruiburns.tumblr.com/ Dlo Burns
  
  That looks like something from a mormon funeral.
noahd

Banana-ham-ick
Jewels Vern

That is the sort of thing you might get when the menu offers “Chef’s Surprise”. I mean you gotta admit, that sure is a surprise!
http://www.chairthrower.org/ mrfantasy

Don’t knock it. It’s CONTEMPORARY COOKING!
legotech

THIS. This is why I collect vintage cookbooks. Especially the ones from food companies. They had to come up with enough stuff to fill x number of pages instead of cutting it down to the number of good recipes they had.
http://twitter.com/puppetdark puppethead

As weird as the recipe is, the use of lemon juice on the bananas to “prevent darkening” is worse. Tart with the sweetness of bananas?

But wait, there’s a hidden ingredient that is even further out there. The slices of ham have mustard spread on them, which are then wrapped around the bananas (mustard side in). Adding to the tart lemon juice there’s the very pungent mustard flavor in the mix.

I’m beginning to think this recipe crams all the flavor sensations into a single dish, perhaps it’s actually a sublime achievement?
- Adela Doiron
  
  As an Acadian recipe cook I can tell you pork, fruit and mustard are a common combo and yummy. Banana I have my suspicions of but ham and blueberry is surprisingly amazing.
- Gilbert Wham
  
  OK, you get to try it first and see…
  - http://undulantfever.blogspot.com/ Bruce Arthurs
    
    Peanut butter, banana and mustard is one of my standard sandwich combinations. Also peanut butter, banana and mayonnaise. Both are delicious. The peanut butter and butter combination I tried was just okay.
    - http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard
      
      I’ve enjoyed both PB+banana and PB+mayo, but never thought to combine those into a single super-sandwich.
    - jackbird
      
      My daughter has been demanding peanut butter, butter, and cream cheese sandwiches lately.
    - http://www.gyrofrog.com/ Gyrofrog
      
      See also: The Woodring.
http://twitter.com/forundermedisin forundermedisin

Can’t someone just care about science and test this?
deadbot

’70s food porn is just as icky as ’70s sex porn.
- Preston Sturges
  
  70s food porn has less pubes, you gotta give it that.
http://twitter.com/InnerPartisan Sebastian Spinczyk

Ham, cheese and hollandaise? Yes Please!

Ham, cheese and bananas? Uhm… maybe.

All of those together? No.
Good Lord, *please* NO!
http://twitter.com/TheRedMonk01 Red Monk

Hmm try replacing the ham with Bacon, and the hollandaise with a chocolate sauce maybe a mole.
Ian McLoud

They could have at least cut the black butthole off the ends of the bananas….
- voiceinthedistance
  
  Wait a minute . . . bananas poop? Yeech!
- chaopoiesis
  
  Thank you – the figure/ground hierarchy seems to have kept the polis mum on the sorriest-ass bananas ever imaged.
http://twitter.com/writebastard Ian Wood

The lads in the McCall’s Recipe Card Department would laugh at the management squares, and smoked the marijuana during their lunch hours.
cfuse

This looks like the recipe equivalent of deliberate map maker’s error to catch rip offs.
http://www.jocuristrategie.org/ Andrei Daniel

Yack!!! And i just eate a banana!
http://redesigned.com redesigned

as someone who has tried many baked banana and plantain dishes i have to say this sounds delicious!!!
Joris_M

It is close to a recipe that looks similar but tastes completely different. Belgian Endive (chicory, witloof) with ham and cheese. I expect that could be made with hollandaise as well.
http://evilbobdayjob.blogspot.com/ Deidzoeb

Even if these ingredients accidentally tasted good together, could they bother to cut the dark seedy parts off the ass-end of the banana? Dang.
ChickieD

Please someone make this and tell us what it’s like. I’d volunteer but (shudders in horror), I just can’t do it. Cory? Anybody? Anybody?
M Alovert

Bananaaaaarrrghh!