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I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

41 Responses to “Scientifically accurate Spider-Man”

  1. awillett says:

    Ha ha! My favorite part of the song was when she said he was gay. Because, you know, gay. Saying a dude is gay is funny.

    • ToMajorTom says:

       It always annoys me when I hear the supposed insult of “that’s so gay”.  But in this context, I felt it was for humor and not an insult, and I laughed.  Please don’t revoke my Q-card.

      • Kimmo says:

        Gay and ghey are homonyms.

        • Mordicai says:

          Oh, you’re just saying that one slur, but you changed the spelling, so I’m sure it is fine.

          • Kimmo says:

            Language evolves. Context and intent matters.

            I happen to think political correctness is a fine notion, but we shouldn’t abandon all nuance.

          • awillett says:

            There’s not a lot of nuance to “gay is bad,” which is what lies at the heart of all that. Changing the spelling is a fig leaf. This isn’t a political correctness thing: this is just common decency.

          • Kimmo says:

            The spelling isn’t a fig leaf; it’s a distinction. And BTW @mordicai:disqus , it wasn’t me who changed the spelling.

            ‘Gay’ nor ‘ghey’ = bad as such, but ‘ghey’ most definitely = lame. As popularised by South Park, which kinda indicates to me that it’s not going away in a hurry, regardless of anyone’s sensitivities. At least the intertron has forked the word with a different spelling, I figure.

            And speaking of nuance, IMO aside from the main lineage of the term there’s a connotation harking back to gay = happy, a usage which rings somewhat twee and hence lame to modern ears.

            I much prefer to avoid offending anyone on the basis of their sexuality, but I’m not going to bend over backwards or ignore which way the wind blows to escape the undiscerning ire of passive-aggressive types.

          • Mordicai says:

            Like the nuance of using a term for a group of people to mean generically “bad”?

            I get it, it is evolving like the way a group of oppressed people have their terminology co-opted by the hegemonic culture as a term of derision! No sweat then.

          • gamophyte says:

            I was giving a humorous example in the form of a statement  while avoiding the actual n-word. I apologize for any assumed ill will and outside censorship.

          • Mordicai says:

            Yeah, Poe strikes, Poe always strikes; for my part, I am not actually a humorless android, but right, the fact that Poe’s Law is out there is ALSO sort of the point, too. I mean, beyond broader issues of privilege & biased linguistics.

    • Kimmo says:

      Replied to your unreply-able comment

  2. welcomeabored says:

    I thought about it for a few minutes, but just couldn’t find the downside (ahem) to a super hero’s dick falling off… if it’s fresh upon receipt.   Win-win.

  3. bcsizemo says:

    So why is his dick still wearing the spider suit?  Or do they just look red and checkered pattern like that?

  4. PhosPhorious says:

    I was a bit unclear on some of the  subtler details. 

    Am I to understand that his dick falls off?

  5. nicholas1987 says:

    A joke stolen from the Venture Bros. 

  6. Bug Girl disagrees… http://membracid.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/scientifically-accurate-spider-man-is-not-accurate/

    •  Yeah, to me it seemed more like “Vaguely Scientifically Accurate in a Way that we Think Will Amuse and/or Gross People Out Spiderman.” 

    • Will Holz says:

      Yeah, bug girl nailed it nicely.  I was totally baffled by the gay and milk bits!

      The sad thing is scientifically accurate could still have been just as funny, just differently so!  

  7. Boundegar says:

    My teenage son will love this.  I am a terrible parent.

  8. Ethan Holman says:

    If I’m not mistaken, my Rose Haired Tarantula has silk spinners in the tips of her feet. It is how she climbs walls. So…

  9. So it’s an animated metaphor of what happens when somebody says something obviously figurative on the internet and everybody pig-piles on her, thinking she somehow meant it literally.   

  10. gwailo_joe says:

    I was waiting for the eight legs…but it’s a pain to animate; what can you do…

  11. BarBarSeven says:

    Excellent!

  12. GlyphGryph says:

    Those penises that fall off should really be coming out of his neck or shoulders or chin or something! This is totally inaccurate!

  13. technogeekagain says:

    This one lost me completely at the “gay” gag.

    The webcomic _Spinnerette_  riffed on some of these issues, especially back when she was first acquiring her powers — specifically, the questions of where the silk is extruded from and the fact that one has to eat enough of the right stuff to feed the glands. She also has to deal with extra legs — well, arms — which complicates maintaining a non-hero identity.

    I must point out that before Hollywood got their paws on him, Peter Parker’s webslinging was a clever invention — a wrist-worn device that sprayed a chemical mixture which polymerized on contact with air. Ignoring the “can’t every teenager throw together a super-scientific device in his spare time?” aspect of it,  that made webslinging and -swinging much more reasonable. (It also gave an opportunity for complicating plots by having the cartridge run dry at a particularly inconvenient moment.)

    • BarBarSeven says:

      Ignoring the “can’t every teenager throw together a super-scientific device in his spare time?” aspect of it,  that made webslinging and -swinging much more reasonable.

      Not too clear on what you mean here. Do you mean that the mechanical/man-made aspect of the original web slinging device made it implausible?  Or do you mean it made it more plausible that someone else could make one?

      I like the non-biological web slinging.  It shows Peter Parker was smart & resourceful!

      • Will Holz says:

        Yes, he invented one of the best non-lethal weapons in the history of mankind and never thought to share it with anyone.

  14. Bradley Robinson says:

    I used to fucking hate spider man.   Until now.

  15. CDD says:

    In Puerto Rico there is a similar character called “GuabáMan”. The story is that he was bitten by a radioactive Phrynus longipes in the island of Vieques where the US Navy use to do military training. Here is the youtube channel for “GuabáMan”  https://www.youtube.com/user/guabamanchannel?feature=watch

  16. kinscore says:

    Hark! A Vagrant’s Brown Recluse Spider Man
    http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=308

  17. lbigbadbob says:

    60% scientifically accurate…

  18. Halloween_Jack says:

    A high school acquaintance of mine, with a minor bit of artistic skill and no shame whatsoever, drew a version of Spider-Woman who had one of the characteristics listed. I’ll let you guess which one. He was damn lucky the teacher didn’t find that one. (He also came up with a version of Iron Fist called “Iron Dick”.)

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Did you grow up in a Judd Apatow movie?

      • Halloween_Jack says:

        You know, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen one. (I’ve seen Walk Hard, but that wasn’t directed by him.) I assumed that guys making dirty drawings and/or drawing their own comics was pretty common in high school, at least for guys. 

  19. awillett says:

    (ceci n’est pas un comment)

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