Scientifically accurate Spider-Man

Finally, the truth revealed. On the other hand, Spider-Man would be a lot more interesting if these editorial suggestions were taken to heart by the good people at Misney.




  1. Ha ha! My favorite part of the song was when she said he was gay. Because, you know, gay. Saying a dude is gay is funny.

    1.  It always annoys me when I hear the supposed insult of “that’s so gay”.  But in this context, I felt it was for humor and not an insult, and I laughed.  Please don’t revoke my Q-card.

          1. Language evolves. Context and intent matters.

            I happen to think political correctness is a fine notion, but we shouldn’t abandon all nuance.

          2. There’s not a lot of nuance to “gay is bad,” which is what lies at the heart of all that. Changing the spelling is a fig leaf. This isn’t a political correctness thing: this is just common decency.

          3. The spelling isn’t a fig leaf; it’s a distinction. And BTW @mordicai:disqus , it wasn’t me who changed the spelling.

            ‘Gay’ nor ‘ghey’ = bad as such, but ‘ghey’ most definitely = lame. As popularised by South Park, which kinda indicates to me that it’s not going away in a hurry, regardless of anyone’s sensitivities. At least the intertron has forked the word with a different spelling, I figure.

            And speaking of nuance, IMO aside from the main lineage of the term there’s a connotation harking back to gay = happy, a usage which rings somewhat twee and hence lame to modern ears.

            I much prefer to avoid offending anyone on the basis of their sexuality, but I’m not going to bend over backwards or ignore which way the wind blows to escape the undiscerning ire of passive-aggressive types.

          4. Like the nuance of using a term for a group of people to mean generically “bad”?

            I get it, it is evolving like the way a group of oppressed people have their terminology co-opted by the hegemonic culture as a term of derision! No sweat then.

          5. I was giving a humorous example in the form of a statement  while avoiding the actual n-word. I apologize for any assumed ill will and outside censorship.

          6. Yeah, Poe strikes, Poe always strikes; for my part, I am not actually a humorless android, but right, the fact that Poe’s Law is out there is ALSO sort of the point, too. I mean, beyond broader issues of privilege & biased linguistics.

  2. I thought about it for a few minutes, but just couldn’t find the downside (ahem) to a super hero’s dick falling off… if it’s fresh upon receipt.   Win-win.

  3. So why is his dick still wearing the spider suit?  Or do they just look red and checkered pattern like that?

  4. I was a bit unclear on some of the  subtler details. 

    Am I to understand that his dick falls off?

    1. Yeah, bug girl nailed it nicely.  I was totally baffled by the gay and milk bits!

      The sad thing is scientifically accurate could still have been just as funny, just differently so!  

  5. So it’s an animated metaphor of what happens when somebody says something obviously figurative on the internet and everybody pig-piles on her, thinking she somehow meant it literally.   

  6. Those penises that fall off should really be coming out of his neck or shoulders or chin or something! This is totally inaccurate!

  7. This one lost me completely at the “gay” gag.

    The webcomic _Spinnerette_  riffed on some of these issues, especially back when she was first acquiring her powers — specifically, the questions of where the silk is extruded from and the fact that one has to eat enough of the right stuff to feed the glands. She also has to deal with extra legs — well, arms — which complicates maintaining a non-hero identity.

    I must point out that before Hollywood got their paws on him, Peter Parker’s webslinging was a clever invention — a wrist-worn device that sprayed a chemical mixture which polymerized on contact with air. Ignoring the “can’t every teenager throw together a super-scientific device in his spare time?” aspect of it,  that made webslinging and -swinging much more reasonable. (It also gave an opportunity for complicating plots by having the cartridge run dry at a particularly inconvenient moment.)

    1. Ignoring the “can’t every teenager throw together a super-scientific device in his spare time?” aspect of it,  that made webslinging and -swinging much more reasonable.

      Not too clear on what you mean here. Do you mean that the mechanical/man-made aspect of the original web slinging device made it implausible?  Or do you mean it made it more plausible that someone else could make one?

      I like the non-biological web slinging.  It shows Peter Parker was smart & resourceful!

      1. Yes, he invented one of the best non-lethal weapons in the history of mankind and never thought to share it with anyone.

    1. I used to hate fucking spider man. Until I realized that his penises were collectible.

  8. A high school acquaintance of mine, with a minor bit of artistic skill and no shame whatsoever, drew a version of Spider-Woman who had one of the characteristics listed. I’ll let you guess which one. He was damn lucky the teacher didn’t find that one. (He also came up with a version of Iron Fist called “Iron Dick”.)

      1. You know, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen one. (I’ve seen Walk Hard, but that wasn’t directed by him.) I assumed that guys making dirty drawings and/or drawing their own comics was pretty common in high school, at least for guys. 

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