55 gallon barrel of personal lube now just $1,228.85

The legendary 55-gallon barrel of water-based love lube is now half-off at Amazon. I wasn't quite sure what to say about this slippery deal, myself, but reviewers there dove right in.

Carla was completely drenched, and her momentum slid her to the front door - which she somehow managed to pry open with a pair of oven mitts. The last thing I knew, "No-Fun Carla" was screaming profanities and sliding down three flights of steps. I didn't pay much attention because I was too busy trying to salvage the lube. I managed to get about half of it back into the barrel - the other half probably seeped into Mrs. Pulaski's unit below me. I never bothered to ask if she appreciated the free gift of lubricant. — Jerome Albertson, Topeka

This is a hazard! I've already lost two cats in this thing. There should be a warning sticker or something. I assumed the cats would float, but they sunk like rocks into the lube. And no, it's not what you think. Don't be disgusting. I was trying to create my own cat lube wrestling league. You know, for sickos. — Mark A.

I bought this product thinking it would be the perfect way to disentangle my 5,000-odd porcupines after a peanut butter tanker flipped over in the yard during the nightly feeding frenzy. Instead of separating them, it just made them amorous. Now I have 2500 pregnant female porcupines, 2500 henpecked males desperate to escape, and 6000 lbs of peanut-scented-porcu-poo. — Joel Hruska, Greencastle, Indiana.

Previously. Alas, not available with Prime.