Yogurt for manly men

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89 Responses to “Yogurt for manly men”

  1. Brainspore says:

    I like the Whiskey Beef flavor best.

  2. Preston Sturges says:

    Does it have electrolytes? 

  3. chellberty says:

    Straight Men will not “swallow” “Man yogurt”

  4. angusm says:

    My masculinity is under threat as never before. First Sergey Brin tells me that I’m being emasculated by my cellphone. Now I learn that my breakfast yoghurt choices are making me less of a man.

    Where will it all end?

  5. fuzzyfuzzyfungus says:

    Is it just me, or have they tipped headlong past the line where being un-ironically ‘manly’ turns around and starts running headlong toward ‘pathetic man-child we thought existed only in bad comedy films’ territory?

    • xzzy says:

      Nope, “they” have just realized how effective gender based marketing is when selling stuff for kids, so some genius decided they could make a couple tenths of a percent more money by using the same tactics on adults.

      Just about everything has to have a gender associated with it anymore. I don’t know what’s more disappointing: that they’re attempting it, or that it actually works.

  6. oscar says:

    It certainly does seem like a self-aware joke, but what do I know? I’ve been eating “lady” yogurt for years.

    Also, The Onion predicted this years ago: http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/

  7. blueelm says:

    The only way they could make this better is if they combined the concept with go-gurt and you had to suck the man yogurt out.

  8. schlocktober says:

    If only those rumors about Jamie Lee Curtis were true, she could be a spokesperson for this yogurt, too. I just can’t get enough of her talking about bowel movements on TV!

  9. atlouiedog says:

    25g protein in an ~8 oz serving is pretty good. I’m a fan of Fage. 20g in each 7 oz serving. It’s the highest protein I’ve seen in any of the greek yogurts sold near me, but I didn’t realize that until after I’d tried a bunch and deemed it my favorite based on flavor. I don’t know what the price of this stuff is, but Fage regularly goes on sale for $1 at my local stores and I stock up when it happens. It’s a great snack that I eat almost every day.

    • Jorpho says:

      That’s the first thing I’ve seen so far that actually makes me want to try this yogurt.  Not that I expect the marketers to appreciate that.

  10. MonkeyBoy says:

    I thought “yoghurt for men” was the plain varieties. Not the sickly sweet and flavored and adulterated (gelatin? granola?) varieties designed for children and women.

    Real men will eat full-fat yoghurt and its not a sissy thing to add cut up fruits or vegetables or even spices to it. Hell, even add diced onions and bacon to make a potato topping.

    • Brainspore says:

      REAL men don’t go for that over-processed cultured stuff at all. They just walk to the ranch, lift up a cow and suck that teat dry.

      • oasisob1 says:

        Real men don’t ‘walk to the ranch’ – they already live there. Also, they don’t drink the milk, they skewer the cow, roast it and eat it. Yogurt is for girls and no tricky ad campaign is going to make me believe otherwise.

        • Brainspore says:

          You roast it? Any meat that spends more than a few seconds over the fire is overcooked. And steak knives are for girly-men who can’t tear a large animal apart with their bared teeth.

    • dragonfrog says:

      Full-fat?   Faugh, insufficiently manly for my exacting standards of manliness.  It must have at least 9 or 10% fat.

    • chenille says:

      Also, real men should definitely stick to spelling it yoghurt. It makes for better quips right before you drown your enemies in it.

  11. Christopher says:

    I’m glad to see they’ve given it special packaging. Most yogurt comes in containers that are an unmanly shade of white and that have pictures of fruit on them. What self-respecting man would eat anything out of such a container? Men need yogurt that comes in a black container, preferably with a design that looks like claw marks across it, because we men need to feel that the yogurt we’re eating is dangerous. Other acceptable colors are camouflage, blood red, and aubergine, even though no self-respecting man knows what aubergine is.

    http://freethinkersanonymous.com/ViewFreethinkers.asp?Edition=20130308

  12. LordInsidious says:

    To be fair, wouldn’t a manly man eat any kind of yogurt no matter the packaging?  If the fact that the ads or packaging for the yogurt are girly somehow scares you or makes you feel less manly, IMO you’re not too manly.  So I guess this is the yogurt for un-manly men who don’t want others to know (unless they figure this out).

  13. jimkirk says:

    Is this one of those products you apply to your underarm and women shouldn’t contact it because it will stimulate the growth of facial hair?

  14. Sekino says:

    From the looks of it, it tastes like Axe.

  15. SedanChair says:

    Every female yogurt commercial is basically like women in a wedding dress just petting a kitten and eating yogurt

    How ridiculous, I’m scandalized. Female yogurt commercials are like women in yoga pants eating yogurt in an all white room with flowing drapes.

  16. TheMudshark says:

    Great product, until now I´ve always felt like such a fairy when eating yogurt. I mostly did it in secret, when I was alone at home, full of shame. To make up for my lost manliness I had to be a jerk to my wife when she got home, too.

  17. Scott Rose says:

    Fuck yogurt. Real men drink kefir instead. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kefir 

  18. Guysmiley says:

    “0% Fat” You know what else has 0% fat? A five pound bag of sugar.

  19. Bradley Robinson says:

    Real manly men scoff at overt attempts to coddle to their masculinity.  They also open the car door for their significant other, like a fucking gentleman.

    • Dlo Burns says:

      All the girls I’ve dated were too impatient for that.

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        I open the door for anyone getting into the passenger seat of my car. If you were coming to your home with a friend, it would be sort of odd for them to open the door rather than allow you to do it.

        • Dlo Burns says:

          “”I open the door for anyone getting into the passenger seat of my car.””

          I do that to clear out the trash -__-

          • Antinous / Moderator says:

            Oh, you’re one of those.  I keep my car clean, although I’ve been keeping four huge trash bags of down comforters and pillows in the back for the last six years since I have more free space in the car than in the condo.

          • blueelm says:

            Now I have an image of a woman rushing the passenger door only to be buried beneath an avalanche of garbage!

        • Gilbert Wham says:

           It’d be kinda alarming if they could, for that matter.

  20. SomeGuyNamedMark says:

    “men who are put off by the femininity of traditional yogurt packaging”

    Yah, I’m put off by that girly-girl ingredients list and picture of fruit on the front.  My friends keep giving me a hard time about it.  Only a picture of a half naked man on my yogurt will assert my manly straightness.

  21. dawdler says:

    Nothing makes me feel more manly than looking at a picture of another man’s abs.

    • Jorpho says:

      I’m thinking it’s probably intended to be a “clever” photo of a bacterial cell culture.  At least, I certainly hope it is. (It’s too blurry and indistinct to qualify as some depiction of musculata, anyway.)

      The logical conclusion is of course that it is only a matter of time before someone tries a “Science is Manly” campaign.

  22. leidentech says:

    Motor oil flavored.   But then why wrap it in yoghurt… available at your local gas station.  In several different viscosities.

  23. teknocholer says:

    When their marketing people approached him to endorse this, Michael Westen just laughed. Then Fiona kicked their asses and blew up their car.

  24. peregrinus says:

    This should be cooled to 5 degrees Kelvin and then gnashed hard in your front teeth.  That would be manly.

  25. Mark_Frauenfelder says:

    Eating 0% fat foods is a sure-fire way to get fat.

  26. chenille says:

    And who is looking out for the islands of Mayotte? They could be losing their domain extension to stupid dairy products.

  27. dawdler says:

    To me that packaging is entirely unappealing.  It looks like a dietary supplement.  But maybe that’s the intent. But I’m not sure “gym rat” is the primary definition of masculinity anyway…

  28. And the trade name for creamy bit on top style–”No Homo,” of course.

  29. TheOven says:

    I thought we had gotten beyond this type of crap. But like some racist joke that we know we shouldn’t laugh at but do, we just keep repeating the same mistake over and over again, in-spite of ourselves.

    I’ll tell you this much, if you are not eating yogurt because it’s too feminine for you, then you don’t deserve yogurt.

  30. lil sputums says:

    There was also an episode of “Raising Hope” a couple of seasons back that had brogurt as a thing. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2108897/

  31. I’ll put my brogurt in my manbag while I manscape my moobs.

  32. matthew keough says:

    Yo-girth

  33. mariess says:

    did no one else watch the TV programme “food unwrapped” where they showed you how they extract this bacteria from human faeces. WHY DO PEOPLE STILL BUY THIS?!?!?! 

  34. oldtaku says:

    Don’t do it, men! You’ll end up like women, with atrophied vestigial  pooping organs, no longer able to poop without consuming yogurt.

  35. Houston Lang says:

    The only advertisement you need to get men to eat yoghurt is a little show called ‘Burn Notice.’ Hell, put Bruce Campbell on the label and watch your sales soar.

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